by Anti-Racist Parent columnist Jason Sperber, originally published at Rice Daddies
We put up our Christmas lights this weekend — well, we tried to put them up, but seeing as how four of five strings of icicle lights, which worked when I tested them individually, decided not to work when I had already gotten them up on the frakkin’ house, I guess I’ve gotta run to Target on my lunch break tomorrow.
Here in Bakersfield, of course, the first weekend of December is already late — Christmas-happy residents tend to follow the big-box retailers’ decorating lead and get stuff up by Thanksgiving eve, if not before.
Notice, however, that I’m saying “Christmas.” Here in Bakersfield, California’s own red-state-within-a-blue-state, we don’t take nicely to all that p.c. secularizing “holiday” talk. And the fact that, you know, there are other holidays, like Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Eid, Diwali, the winter solstice, Secular Capitalist Shopping Days, whatever? Well, that kind of talk just ain’t kosher. Heh.
[You wanna check out the kind of stuff I gotta "monitor" on my company's community blogs? Check this one out as an example.]
Anyway, in my household, with our toddlergirl old enough to enjoy ripping paper off of presents this year and my Filipina Catholic better half covering the religious part of our daughter’s education [though my dear wife keeps cracking up watching me read The Pumpkin's current fave bedtime story request, a Christian kiddie prayerbook that she calls "Dear God, Amen"], I do my part to mix it up, pun intended, by reppin’ secular ethnic (half-)Jewishness with brisket and latkes sometime in December. Not sure how to incorporate sansei grandma’s Buddhism yet–though, of course, the brisket recipe is hers.
So, dear readers, how do you and yours celebrate the…winter holidays in all their myriad and hybrid incarnations?
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Jason Sperber is a former stay-at-home-dad of a 2-year-old daughter (“The Pumpkin”) and the husband of a family physician (“la dra.”) living in California’s Central Valley. He is currently a writer/blogger/online community manager. A former high school social studies teacher, he has a background in ethnic studies and education for social justice. He writes the blog daddy in a strange landand coordinates Rice Daddies, the group blog by Asian American dads. He can be reached at daddyinastrangeland@mac.com.
We’re an interfaith family, too (I’m Jewish, my husband’s Christian, we belong to a synagogue but are pluralistic in our religious thinking). We celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas and occasionally the Solstice with friends. Most of our formal religious celebrating happens at our temple but last week we went to a terrific Southern Baptist Christmas show with friends. It’s all good.
Dawn illustrated what I was gonna say: Exposure, Exposure, Exposure! Introduce as many traditions as you feel like, but be prepared to explain them as your daughter grows older.
One of the worst ways to make a tradition of any kind die is for the parent to say, “Well, that’s just what we do,” which I think to many kids/teenagers means, “I don’t know why and it doesn’t matter why.” We’re so attuned to any hint of hypocrisy in our parents (and not to any in ourselves) as we grow up that it’s a huge turnoff.
I just did some holiday cards over the weekend and it took effort to remember, who was Christian religious, who was Buddhist, who was Buddhist but celebrated secular Christmas, whether the Hindus on the list appreciated Merry Christmas greetings, who celebrated Solstice, etc. But it helps make the cards more personal, I hope. Everyone got a Happy New Year
My boyfriend and I are celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas together for the first time. We will go to my family’s house first – for Hanukkah – and then to his family’s for Christmas. While we do not yet have any children we are always trying to think about how we will introduce religion to our kids and how we can blend the traditions both of us want to continue without confusing them. Let me know what you think!
We celebrate Hanukkah with my husband’s family, and then Christmas with my family.
Exposure to all sorts of traditions is probably the best approach to take, and we’re certainly doing our best with our myriad of heritages under one roof.
A schoolmate of mine came from a Roman Catholic/Reformed Jewish family. The mother was Catholic. The schoolmate was both Confirmed and Bat Mitzvahed – went to Hebrew school, had Catholic religion classes in school, etc. At a certain point, she had the option to choose one or other other or something totally different. Not sure how/what she practices now, if anything, but the options were there, and she knew her scripture better than anyone else in my class.
Specific-holiday-wise, the Christian story of Christmas and the Hanukkah story are not of themselves incompatible. Macabees is part of the Christian Bible, etc. The two traditions don’t have to be blended per se to keep their meaning.
Now, all this assumes that your BF’s family celebrates Christmas in a religous context. If so, then for small children, I could envision explaining that one holiday is celebrated by Jewish people, and Mom’s family is Jewish, and the other is celebrated by Christians, and Dad’s family is Christian. When the inevitable question comes, “So what are we?” I could see religious parents saying their own religious identity, and emphasizing that both holidays are about family, sharing, gift-giving, light, and welcoming God into our lives.
Oh God. Think I just had a Hallmark moment there at the end. Sorry for the saccharine.
My husband and I are both Catholic, so it makes our family celebration pretty easy… except that all the grandparents want us to bring the kids over. My mother and his parents all live in the area, so for us the challenge is in celebrating as a family while seeing everyone who matters to us without running around all day, which is scarecly the way I want to celebrate Christmas.
On the other hand, my sisters are other varieties of Christian or agnostic, so the general agreement is to simply respect one another’s beliefs.
Wait a second. Your GRANDMA is a sansei? Now I feel ancient. I’m a sansei! Am I old enough to be your grandma? Please say no.
Not *my* grandma, Susan–*The Pumpkin’s* grandma (my mom). Sorry for any undue age-related stress I caused you, my hapa sister.
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First – just want to ‘hi’. Just found this place and am enjoying the articles and interactions. I am the [white-american] mother of an African daughter, adopted while I was living in Africa. She is beginning to feel and explore her ‘brown-ness’ as she calls, and I thought this site might help me help her.
Anyway – our holiday season will be spent in the home of my Mexican partners family – it the middle of Mexico. We are driving 50 hours south, with my partner, his father, and my daughter. Anticipating some interesting interactions with this constellation of us on the road together…!
We will celebrate Christmas, mexican catholic style (I am a lapsed presbyterian) and Kwanza.
We’re basically non-religious, but for both my husband and myself, Christmas is our favorite time of year! The only part we dislike about it is that we live four hours away from our extended family so we can’t enjoy all of it with them.
But typically, we’re invited to go caroling at the home of the president of the college where my husband teaches. He (the president) happens to be Jewish, but it’s a pretty packed event. Faculty memebers of all religions bring their families and trim the giant tree. It’s not the typical holiday office party where co-workers get smashed (not if they want tenure!). But it’s quite an event.
The next day, we’ll spend Christmas morning at home with our immediate family so the kids can open gifts under their own tree. Around nap time, we hit the road so we can make it to Philly for dinner at my brother’s.
This year will be especially interesting because it’s the first year we’ll add Kwanzaa to the mix. My husband and I were indifferent to it before kids, but considering we’re the only black family for miles up here, we think it will be a good opportunity to share more of our culture with our five year old. The babies are too young to relate to any of it now, but I suppose that eventually they’ll just look at Kwanzaa as something they celebrated all their lives.
I had my issues with Kwanzaa at first (more about that on my blog), but now I’m looking forward to celebrating a culturally significant, secular holiday that leaves lots of room for creativity and freedom of expression.
Oh, and re celebrating the holidays, we’re all about Christmas, but we are not religious at all; in other words, we are Unitarians. I have to say, with some chagrine, that my 12 yr old recently asked (along with her friend), why do people celebrate Christmas anyway? I said, um, it’s Jesus’ birthday and they were like, Ooooooohhhhhhh. As if it was news. Whoops. I guess I’ve sort of fallen down on her religious education.
hi