Comments

1. Min Ho's Mom wrote:

   Our son is adopted from Korean (note: we are not Korean). When going through the adoption process our agency, Holt, required that we take a PIP class. PIP classes are basically parenting courses – but not the kind where you learn to change a diaper . These courses focused on what it means to be raising a child of a different race of your own. How will you deal with discrimination? How will you deal with your childs experiences with discrimintation? Etc. Etc.

   During this class we engaged in a really telling exercise.

   Each set of parents were given a tackle box of colored beads and a paper cup.

   The Teacher Began…

   For each person in your family that is the same race as your child, put in 1 pink bead.

   For each person representing someone on your fire department, police station, or emergency squad that is the same race as your child- put in 3 red beads.

   For each person your child will come in contact with on a daily basis, whether its the person bagging groceries at the food store, your barber, your drycleaner, your crossing guard that is the same race as your child – put in 5 yellow beads.

   The exercise continued with many scenarios, different colored beads, and branched off into other races besides your own or that of your childs.

   The premise of the exercise was powerful. How ethnically diverse is your community? How much will your child feel as though he is one of many or one of one? It really made my husband think about the environment our child would be in and how we can improve it as far as having it be as diverse as possible.

   Here is an article that losely describes the exercise…

   http://tinyurl.com/yqbo28

   Try the exercise at home – its worth it!

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 11:06 am ¶

2. Gretchen wrote:

   There is so much racism in your post that it completely blows me away.

   Why was it a weird feeling to be sorrounded by white people?

   Isn’t it racist to want to move away because there are too many whites?

   If a white person would say those same things, s/he would be considered a straight out racist.

   Double standards do not work, and more and more white people are getting sick of them.

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 11:48 am ¶

3. Carmen Van Kerckhove wrote:

   Gretchen, Mike and his wife felt “weird” because they felt they were being discriminated against for their ethnicity – not because they were “surrounded by white people.” Not the same thing.

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 12:07 pm ¶

4. Gretchen wrote:

   Carmen, I don’t get what you said from this:

   “There have been times when we were in restaurants where we were the only non-Caucasians(very weird feeling)”

   Therefore, he felt weird because he was the only Asian there, and the rest were White.

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 12:16 pm ¶

5. Carmen Van Kerckhove wrote:

   Okay, so he felt weird being the only Asian in a room full of white people. Have you never felt the same way, when you were in a fish-out-of-water situation? I know I have.

   I think you’re completely missing the point of Mike’s post if you say that he’s moving away “because there are too many whites.”

   He’s moving away because he and his wife have felt discriminated against, and don’t want to raise their child in an environment where he/she will experience that kind of prejudice.

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 1:05 pm ¶

6. Jae Ran wrote:

   Since I grew up in a town where there was no diversity to speak of, once I was old enough to choose where I lived I have always made it a point to live in diverse areas. At times my parents have been afraid of some of the neighborhoods I’ve lived in because they’ve been urban neighborhoods, but I’ve had only positive experiences.

   I’ve also been very active in the public school system, and feel my kids have benefitted from being part of a public school system. It’ s not perfect, and I have to advocate for them like any other parent would – but when we walk through our neighborhood and pass by our African American, Vietnamese, Latino, Romanian, Yugoslovian, Hmong, and Somali neighbors, they think it’s normal. And they’re not scared.

   For me, I would have a hard time living in a monocultural area, whatever culture that was. Our family has toyed with the idea of moving to Korea, and that would mean living in a homogenous culture, and I would miss the diversity of my current area.

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 1:48 pm ¶

7. R2dad wrote:

   Mike and Jenny, best of luck with the move and your future in socal. I think you are correct in your assessment that a diverse community would make the race of your child less of an issue for him/her growing up. If you are from urban areas and you’ve felt you were being treated differently in the central valley, you probably were. Of course, moving to Orange County will bring other race issues into the picture eg the perceived pecking order when various asian kids get together, but that’s a non-issue compared to being the only asians in a white/latino environment. I’ve got hapa kids, growing up in a chinese neighborhood here in SF. My wife loves where we live because she is chinese and never had this sense of community growing up in the UK, where the racism was brutal. Whenever I go into our favorite shops, I am usually the only white guy. I don’t speak cantonese, I look different, and I don’t believe I’m treated as well. I understand it, and I’m OK with that–it’s a small price to pay to live where my kids feel they are like every other kid (for better or worse). Ironically, my wife gets the red carpet treatment when she goes (by herself) to these same places–even though she doesn’t speak mandarin or cantonese!
   I’ve seen people like Gretchen at the dim sum place where we go every week. They are inwardly if not outwardly uncomfortable being “the only” in a non-white environment. For people like Gretchen, who haven’t been exposed to this kind environnment, it’s easy to claim you might be overly sensitive–until the shoe is on the other foot! My sisters and inlaws, whom we have take to our very chinese dim sum spot, have expressed their own discomfort the moment they step into this restaurant. It’s been an opportunity for white adults to learn something about themselves and grow–if they are interested in growing.

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 1:59 pm ¶

8. DrHawthorne wrote:

   Why is it racist to say that Mike and his wife felt weird to be the only non-Caucasian in the restaurants? That’s just a very honest feeling. If you read his post in context, he is saying that they aren’t used to being the only minority in town since they come from places with more diversity. I’m Asian and I grew up in a predominantly Caucasian community and when I went to a college with 25% Asians it felt weird to see so many people like me–I would hardly call that feeling racist. It’s just different.

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 2:05 pm ¶

9. Henri wrote:

   Henri: Hey Mike check it out, we’re the only dudes in this restaurant.
   Mike: That’s wierd.
   Henri: This is the first time in my life I’ve been at a Hometown Buffet and had the whole place filled with only women.
   Mike: Very wierd.
   Henri: You think this is wierd?
   Mike: Very very wierd.
   Henri: Me too, I think its wierd.
   Gertrude: You guys are misogynistic.
   Henri: Aren’t you that lady from the internet? I’m turning my Im-blogging-This light on.
   Gertrude: Don’t you dare use this story to defend Mike’s racism.
   Henri: We all know Mike’s a racist bastard, I’m not going to defend him. He hates white people. But…and this is really important…I don’t think he’s a misogynist.
   Mike: Thanks Henri but I don’t think you’re really helping the situation.
   Henri: Quiet Mike stop being so Asian, and don’t get me started on that super white town you live in. Hey is my blogging light still on? Does it make my hard hat look stupid?
   Mike: This is why we don’t hang out more.
   Gertrude: You guys are both racist.
   Henri: I am but god’s finger.

   Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 2:13 pm ¶

10. Gretchen wrote:

    I must say that I am very uncomfortable in an environment where I am the only White or where Whites are the minority.

    I used to go to a university where Whites are the minority. I felt SO uncomfortable that I transferred to another university where Whites are the majority. You have no idea how much my well-being and my emotional disposition increased!

    Therefore, learning from past mistakes, I will never make the mistake to go to a place where Whites are the minority (eg. jobs, neighborhoods, restaurants, etc….)

    I will choose my environment in such a way that I am the majority.

    Now tell me this…..Is this racist?

    Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 2:15 pm ¶

11. Kim wrote:

    Gretchen…hello, and thanks for your input.

    I would like to ask if you absorbed the full tone of Mike’s statements, without getting distracted by his feeling weird at being an ‘only’ in the restaurant.

    Acknowledging that he sought to examine the root causes of differential treatment is a statement of his being fully alive in the world, and being willing to ask himself the hard questions.

    He is on his way to new parenthoood, and things that we (adults) have acclimated to, or become innured to, things which we navigate just fine as adults, seem jarringly out of place when we realize how tender the interior life of the young person we will be introducing to those same stimuli and situations.

    Think of it as “babyproofing” his life, widening his perspective as he gets down on his knees to see things as his child will, willing to foresee the bumps and bruises in the road and every sharp turn, and willing to remove the potential hard bump from his child’s path.

    That you would take offense at his being offended is what I would ask you to consider , to examine.

    Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 2:28 pm ¶

12. halfmama wrote:

    The issue with being the minority in the room is that you never know what kind of reaction you are going to get — from absolutely nothing, to weirdos (”I love Asian women”), to ignorance (”So are you Chinese or Japanese?”). My point is: YOU NEVER KNOW. No, it’s not fair to the very VERY many people who aren’t racist, but, until you’ve lived in our shoes, you don’t know what it’s like to be a little bit on guard about your race. Because sometimes we do get treated a little bit differently — good or bad — and that treatment is sometimes based solely on the way we look. And it can be subtle, but it is there.

    Gretchen, it is NOT racist for Dr. Lo and his wife to feel weird being surrounded by white people. As for your comment that if a white person would say they were moving because their environment was mostly (blank), s/he would be considered a straight out racist… I’m sure it does sound hypocritical. But I think you need to consider who is saying it, and how they are saying it. So if someone who was white told me they once lived in Chinatown but left because they felt they were being discriminated against or they were uncomfortable because they weren’t treated as well as their Chinese neighbors, I would understand and not think they were being racist. However, if it was Rosie O’Donnell talking… well, I’m pretty certain something offensive and ignorant would come spewing out of her mouth.

    I can understand where you are coming from because it may seem hypocritical, but if you can’t understand where we are coming from, that is because you have never felt the weirdness being the only minority in the room. Dr. Lo and his wife want to expose their child to other cultures. It takes a lot to make a difference in a place where you feel isolated and different from everyone else. And if you don’t believe me, read Mama Nabi Hwe’s experience with racism (http://mamanabi.wordpress.com/). When an Asian boy can yell ethnic slurs at another Asian while he’s with his white friends… well, what do you think that boy has been exposed to? Is it unfair that Dr. Lo thinks he will have an easier time teaching his child about race in a more diverse city?

    Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 2:55 pm ¶

13. halfmama wrote:

    Sorry, that was way too long and I just moved over here from Rice Daddies, so Mike, I thought your name was Dr. Lo!

    Lo Siento, please change Dr. Lo to Dr. Lee in my comment above…

    Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 2:58 pm ¶

14. daddyinastrangeland wrote:

    I think a reading of Peggy McIntosh’s “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” might be beneficial here.

    Gretchen, your “flip the script” example is a bit of a straw man here, because that experience is not the case for the majority of persons who might call themselves or be called “white.” However, the experience Mike describes is an almost archetypal one for many people of color in this country–we cannot take it for granted that we won’t be the minority (literally) in the room.

    Read Prof. McIntosh’s piece at http://seamonkey.ed.asu.edu/~mcisaac/emc598ge/Unpacking.html. She writes:

    “I decided to try to work on myself at least by identifying some of the daily effects of white privilege in my life. I have chosen those conditions that I think in my case attach somewhat more to skin-color privilege than to class, religion, ethnic status, or geographic location, though of course all these other factors are intricately intertwined. As far as I can tell, my African American coworkers, friends, and acquaintances with whom I come into daily or frequent contact in this particular time, place and time of work cannot count on most of these conditions.”

    The very first point on that list is this:
    “1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.”

    A corollary might be, “I can go to a [restaurant, store, whatever] and be pretty sure that I won’t be the only one of my race there.” If you can’t say that, then things can look and feel a whole lot different.

    You might start thinking about things like how the diversity, or lack thereof, of your communtiy might affect your children….

    Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 4:40 pm ¶

15. Kim wrote:

    Gretch–

    what a stretch.

    That was almost funny.

    Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 5:53 pm ¶

16. chip wrote:

    I think Gretchen’s a bit clueless.

    I’m white, and though I grew up in an all-white environment, I lived for many years in places where whites were, if not the minority, barely a majority.

    Then I moved to a place that was 85 percent white. It felt weird to be surrounded only by white people. Of course, I wasn’t treated differently, because I looked like all of them. So my feeling of weirdness ended there. I didn’t have the other experiences that people of color often have in white-majority surroundings.

    And I have to say, that seeing how the black kids (there are few Asians in my currenttown) in my own kids’ elementary school were treated, if I were black I would not want to live here. I’d absolutely move to an area that was racially diverse, where my kid wouldn’t be the only one or two black kids in the class.

    That’s not racism. That is the reality that is White America.

    Posted 14 Feb 2007 at 6:01 pm ¶

17. Jane wrote:

    I respect the choice to move to a more diverse environment. This is where I feel challenged as a white woman in the midwest not yet parenting, but waiting in the adoption process. While my partner and I currently live in a diverse urban area, we both have dreamed for years of living in the country for quality of life, slower pace, etc. We don’t want to give up diversity, though, and not only because we wouldn’t want our kid to be the only one of his or her race. But we’re struggling with whether this really means we can’t live in a rural environment if we adopt transracially. Does anyone have any suggestions for anti-racist parenting (whether of kids of color or of white kids) in a rural environment?

    Posted 15 Feb 2007 at 1:40 pm ¶

18. joan wrote:

    Jane, sometimes college towns are a nice combination of a diverse environment, and one where diversity is welcome, and yet still not urban. Not necessarily rural, but close.

    The rural life isn’t necessarily ideal, though. You might be considered an outsider two generations down the road. You’ll drive everywhere, and you’ll go to WalMart all the time because it’s literally the only place around that sells X, Y, and Z. You’ll drive 45 minutes to the movie theater. You’ll miss a variety of restaurants. There are all sorts of things people take for granted in large cities.

    I lived in a rural mostly white area for years because of my job. We left and adopted transracially. I’d never go back and subject my child to living there (though it’s lovely to visit!). Time and time again I’ve heard adult and teenage adoptees say that being around people who look like them is so basic and important in their lives. And you children, be they of any color, won’t learn basic lessons about the variety of people in the world.

    Posted 15 Feb 2007 at 3:32 pm ¶

19. Kim wrote:

    Chip–

    I hope you speak to teachers and the principal about any particular ways you see and feel those AA children are treated differently. And ways things could be done to foster an environment of inclusiveness and “safe-space” within the school community.

    If the treatment is absolutely harsh (and you’ve piqued my curiosity), what is it that you feel your town provides even for you and your children?

    I don’t know your name here, and I’ve written a few times in comments about addressing issues at my children’s school, so I’m not seeking to give an order to tell you to “step up,” because I know how hard it is to have the office staff, and even other parents, wince or take deep breaths when they see you coming. (Just two days ago, I arrived too early at my children’s school, and thought to use the time to do some follow-up on a letter I’d written about cultural insensitivities to which I’d received no response from the principal, and the secretary actually told him to “Swallow, that’s right…swallow…breathe, and come out and talk to her…she says it will be brief.”)

    Posted 15 Feb 2007 at 4:37 pm ¶

20. Ana wrote:

    Hey Mike, I am in a Central Valley town (not sure if you wrote about being in the Valley or on the coast but it sounds a bit like my town) and I just want to say that if you were leaving my town I would be most sorry to lose you.

    We came here from Utah and I guess anything is going to look diverse to us compared with there (although we loved Utah, it was not the healthiest environment for our brown and tan adopted kids!) Our town is about a third Latino, a third Southeast Asian, and the rest divided among whites, blacks, Native Americans and other groups.

    I bet — and I hope — that there are people in your community who are as sorry to see you go as I would be to see you leave mine.

    Posted 16 Feb 2007 at 1:48 pm ¶

21. Meera Bowman Johnson wrote:

    I totally understand Mike’s concerns…nobody likes feeling like a fish out of water. Most people can tolerate the feeling for a finite period of time – but eventually it is, well, quite suffocating. And we all know what eventually happens to that poor fish writhing around out there on dry land.

    People like Gretchen don’t understand this feeling because they assume that their world is “the norm”…and why should anybody have a problem with that? I don’t worry about people like Gretchen or anyone else whose own racism is so internalized, they expect the world to understand why they think that way.

    So back to Mike. Bravo for you guys, for making an effort not to raise your child as “the only”. In African American circles, those of us who have experienced tokenism in predominantly white environs (by choice or by circumstance) call it being “the speck”. As in “the only speck of color in the room”! Not a nice feeling.

    Your child will grow up with a stronger sense of self esteem and identity just by having parents who feel that these things are important. This is something my husband and I talk about frequently, considering we are currently living in an all white, rural community (a college town). But we also know that like many things – broken hearts, loss, rejection – we won’t be able to thoroughly sheild our kids from racism as much as we want to.

    And honestly, like most things, a little pain – even the sting of racism – will eventually make your kids grow into stronger adults, provided they have concerned parents like you to help them cope. Much easier to deal with at 9 than 29. Just something to consider. That said, I’m glad you’re moving to the OC.

    As parents, all we can do is our best. Not unlike finding the right pediatrician and eventually the right school, considering this issue is a good place to start.

    Best of luck!

    Posted 16 Feb 2007 at 10:58 pm ¶

22. Gloria wrote:

    Hi all,

    I came here from Rice Daddies, and although I’m not a parent yet (or anytime soon, still a college student), I think I can relate to this. When I first moved to the states from Taiwan, we lived in an area that was very diverse. I think the majority were latinos, blacks, whites, and a very mixed variety of Asians. I had Japanese friends, Filipino friends, and everyone were friends with everyone else, regardless of ethnicity. When I was 9, my family moved to another part of town, and at that time, the area was predominantly white. The Asians in the schools I went to from elementary school to high school were mostly Korean Americans and Japanese Americans. There was the “Korean clique” and the “everyone else who is Asian but not in the Korean clique group”. I honestly never felt comfortable or accepted by my peers until college because of that. Yes, there was diversity, but the diversity was so narrow! I did not have many friends in my school that spoke the same native language as me or even into the same music I was in! For the longest time, I wanted to be Korean just because that was the major Asian ethnicity, and I wanted to fit in!

    Now I’m attending a school with 40% Asians (all different mixes, Chinese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Filipino, Korean, Vietnamese), and I’m finally comfortable. I find people who are into the same music or TV shows as I am, who understand OLD jokes or old songs our parents tell us. I also learn so much more about other cultures, while learning more about my own cultural identity.

    Nowadays I’m part of a club that promotes the diversity within the Chinese culture through dance, and I love it. My absolutely favorite aspect of the club our youth outreach, where we seek out groups of underpriviledged kids, and through dances, costumes, and our enthusiasm, teach them about diversity! I think it really helps kids understand and respect diversity when you expose them to it at a young age. Hopefully like me, they too will question about their own background’s rich culture to further enrich their identity.

    Also through the same club we work with adopted children from China. The parents and the kids absolutely love the program because they get to work together with older students, and have somebody to look up to. One of the parents commented that her daughter used to wonder why she looked the way she did when her siblings and parents had blonde/brown hair and blue eyes, but through dancing with us, she’s learned to be proud of who she is, and be happy with how she looks like. Kids are just so easily influenced because they just want to fit in.

    I hope I didn’t ramble too much, but I just wanted to offer my insight on the importance of growing up and being in a diverse environment.

    Posted 17 Feb 2007 at 12:18 am ¶

23. Richard wrote:

    I’m Caucasian, and it wasn’t until the adoption of our daughter from Vietnam did I experience how it felt to be the minority. In retrospect, the realization unfolded in stages as we changed planes on our way to Saigon.
    Seriously, how do you think Joe six-pack, middle American, would feel dropped into the international terminal at LAX? I’m well travelled, but my first time there was an eye opener. Then on to CKS in Taiwan, where the Asian majority was very obvious and I became more aware of my difference. Of course when we got of the plane at Tan Son Nhat and I was standing in the free-for-all at the lugguge carousel and I realized I was the only Caucasian in sight, that I experienced for the first time in my life what it means to be a minority. I actually was a “foreigner” in a different country, so now I begin to have some small understanding of how it must feel to be treated as anything less than 100% American, or as if you’re “Just off the Boat” here in the States.

    Like some of the others I came here via Rice Daddies as I like to get an Asian-American perspective on fatherhood. It’s a challenge being a good parent, and clearly issues of race and ethnicity loom large in our society. I’ve always considered myself a progressive open-minded guy, but it wasn’t until some baby steps in my daughters shoes that I had a clue as to how insidious and culturally ingrained our (My!) predjudices are.

    Currently we are fortunate to live in an area with a reasonably diverse population. When we decide to move, we will consciously choose to live in an area that exemplifies the melting pot of America. It’s one of thing things that makes us all so great…

    So thanks to loveisntenough and rice daddies for these discussions.

    Posted 17 Feb 2007 at 6:44 am ¶

24. Kim wrote:

    Richard: ” I actually was a “foreigner” in a different country, so now I begin to have some small understanding of how it must feel to be treated as anything less than 100% American, or as if you’re “Just off the Boat” here in the States.”

    I just want to say thank you for sharing, on the whole, but especially for this little tid-bit.

    In so many ways, it is this presumption of ‘otherness’ that is the most offensive, hurtful, and constraining, for so many. And for many, the experiences, I know, are more extensive and wide-reaching than my own.

    I’m not always assumed to be American Black, which (I suppose), allows others to feel comfortable with me in informal and casual environs, in a weird converse-of-your-point way.

    However, sensing that, in formal situations, people ‘gather themselves unto themselves,’ as it were, and interact with me as though there is going to be some huge gulf between us…surrounding language, interests, ideas, and intellect…so often finds me feeling like I’m left to carry other peoples’ bags (or luggage, for consistency).

    Living where I presently live dims almost all of my spirit, and places my children in a real position of learning to be ignored and on the outside of a kiddie-society (how does one say that?) to which they had only previously known full inclusion, and a wild, rampaging joy).

    It is challenging to be a good parent, but too apparent that the constant challenge, and onslaught of inquiry as to one’s ‘right’ to be, or ‘fit’ with a group, is one that places thin fracture lines just below the surface of one’s spirit.

    That kind of challenge simply cannot be deemed to be “good” by anyone’s standards.

    Posted 17 Feb 2007 at 12:17 pm ¶

25. SL wrote:

    Quoting Gretchen: “I must say that I am very uncomfortable in an environment where I am the only White or where Whites are the minority.

    I used to go to a university where Whites are the minority. I felt SO uncomfortable that I transferred to another university where Whites are the majority. You have no idea how much my well-being and my emotional disposition increased!

    Therefore, learning from past mistakes, I will never make the mistake to go to a place where Whites are the minority (eg. jobs, neighborhoods, restaurants, etc….)

    I will choose my environment in such a way that I am the majority.

    Now tell me this…..Is this racist?”

    Gretchen, sweetie, this may or may not be racist, but it is very very sad. I am Hispanic but appear to be “white.” Growing up, my parents were often asked if I adopted. I currently live in Southern California, in an area where the Asian population and Hispanic population far outnumbers the “whites.” My son goes to a school with a high percentage of Indian people (not Native Americans).

    Do I feel uncomfortable going into my grocery store where people are often speaking languages that I had never heard of as a child? NO.

    Do I feel uncomfortable with the fact that my son’s two best friends from school have names that I can barely pronounce let alone spell? NO.

    I feel lucky and honored to raise my son in an environment where all people (of whatever color, race or place of birth) is just secondary information.

    I really do feel bad for you Gretchen, not feeling comfortable around “others” that do not look like you do.

    Children in today’s world are only going to be “comfortable” with themselves and others if we as grown ups show them that there is really no reason to feel otherwise.

    I wish you the best of luck, Gretchen and hope that you feel “comfortable” reading this since I am (at least on the outside) one of the “whites” you were referring to.

    How did you ever come upon this site, by the way?

    Posted 17 Feb 2007 at 5:09 pm ¶

26. Mike wrote:

    I have to say that I sincerely appreciate everyone’s comments. When I wrote this, I want to emphasize that I did not mean to come off sounding racist. As I had said, my wife and I came from enviroments where there was significant ethnic diversity and wherever you went, there was always people of multiple ethinicities in that location. As a result, it was weird for us to be in an environment where we were literally the only non-Caucasians in the whole place. It has been totally different from what we were used to.

    Gretchen, I think you are taking this to an extreme, but am wondering if you are trying to make a point. Its not that I want to be in an area where the majority is Asian, but just would feel more comfortable where there is ethnic diversity. I can tell you that I dealt with self-esteem issues growing up being in an enviroment/school where I was the only Asian and often would get teased with comments like “flat face” and “slanty eyes”. As I am sure all of us know, kids can be mean.

    Anyways, Gretchen, I am not sure if you are a parent, but I am sure, as well as all the parents on the blog, that you want to do everything to protect your children in ways that you as an individual think you can. Even in ethnically diverse areas like L.A., people deal with racist treatment often,and you can never shelter your child completely. As R2Dad mentions, we will definitely have other race related issues to deal with. I can only do what I think will protect our child from negative experiences that I went through as a child. I also hope to have the humility to know that as a first time parent, I have so much more to learn about being anti-racist and being a parent, and am thankful for everyone’s input and comments.

    Posted 18 Feb 2007 at 12:41 am ¶

27. MyKianaKeiki wrote:

    Mike,
    Good luck in the move. I totally understand why you want to be in a more diverse area. When my Caucasian husband and I (Asian American) would visit northern, northern California (just past Sacramento), we used to get horrible, scary looks from the people. I mean downright menacing. I still worry when I go to rural Central Valley towns and I, and now my baby, are the only non-white people in the place. I just don’t know how people are going to react, do or say. Raising a child in that environment, having those concerns wouldn’t be healthy for anyone involved.

    It’s hard enough raising a child in a more diverse area. The racism still exists and as parents we have to protect and teach our children about it; make sure they don’t perpetuate the problem. To raise a child in a less diverse area is even harder and I have nothing but respect for parents who can.

    Posted 20 Feb 2007 at 5:35 pm ¶

28. chip wrote:

    Kim, sorry for not checking back earlier. Here’s a blogpost I did on this issue: Kindergarten Racism, posted at Daddy Dialectic back in July.

    Unfortunately our district, including that particular principal — who is now gone — as well as the superintendent and other administrators (all white) believed that they were antiracist and had gone through all the workshops and knew all about it, and we parents were the problem. The groups of students of color and their advocates here are people I know, and they basically say the admistration just doesn’t get it despite all the training and rhetoric.

    Posted 20 Feb 2007 at 5:41 pm ¶

29. AMforNU wrote:

    Hi all, hope I’m not crashing this blog. Just started reading it and don’t know who the regulars are.
    Gretchen I think you are reading too much into the “weird” comment. I am an Asian male married to a Caucasian woman with 2 beautiful children. I live in a mid-sized town in the Midwest which is predominately white. I grew up in the Midwest and so did my wife. I went through school, professional career and personal life feeling “weird” being for the most part the only Asian person in any situation. I have not dealt with direct racism, but on a DAILY basis receive indirect racism, both intentionally and by ignorance. I go into a store and jokingly wonder how I will be treated. I recall in my single days I went to purchase a new dvd player. A salesperson greeted me as any other customer and about 10 minutes our conversation. The salesman tells me “Wow, your English is really good!”. I was born here. About 5 years ago I was in Vegas with the wife. Checking into the hotel, a really nice black gentleman checking in our luggage asks, “are you from Hawaii, cause you have no accent.” Maybe my 6′ 210# frame might have something to do with it, but this is the kind of stuff Asians deal with. In the back of our minds, this is constantly running.
    Doesn’t mean we are racists. It’s just something we deal with everyday of our lives. I’m assuming you are white, which could be why you read into the comment as you did. My wife never has to deal with this. Why, cause a waiter, salesman, colleague, etc will never tell her she has good english or is surprised that she doesn’t have an Irish accent.

    Posted 23 Feb 2007 at 12:00 am ¶

30. Lyonside wrote:

    AMforNU – exactly! and welcome, you’re not crashing

    Posted 23 Feb 2007 at 9:37 am ¶

31. Kim wrote:

    Chip…

    That really scares the hell out of me. Truly.

    I think we’ve had that experience with my older son and his third grade teacher (you know, third grade is when many have pinpointed a material change in the quality of care and concern given to Black kids in the classroom.)

    Things are simmering just below the surface right about now. I truly thank you.

    Posted 23 Feb 2007 at 1:03 pm ¶

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