Dear Anti-Racist Parent,
I appreciate the content on your blog. I have read some very interesting and touching things here.
My sister is considering moving to the south. She is a single mother of two mixed-race boys – 1/2 African American – 1/2 Caucasian.
I am starting to worry that they boys may be met with more resistance and racism there. We currently live in Vermont, a land of mostly liberal and understanding people.
I was wondering if you might be aware of any articles or information to support / disprove my notion that they are better off living in New England, than southern states – NC or Georgia.
I would love to be able to provide my sister with some informed advice… Any help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks much,
From J in VT
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They will actually be in a better environment in some places in the South simply because there are a lot of black people living there, compared to very few in Vermont. I don’t mean to dog your current home state, but I wouldn’t want to live there since I’d not only stick out like a sore thumb, but it’s also very cold!
It totally depends on your location in the South. I would not recommend moving to a small town or rural area. However, Atlanta, or Athens in Georgia, or the Research Triangle area in North Carolina, are extremely diverse. Any large city or college town is going to be a pretty friendly environment. Atlanta is a majority minority city with a a huge immigrant population.
Check http://www.city-data.com for demographics on any city or area code.
Northeasterners have issues too, but they manifest them in different ways, often by simply ignoring them and pretending they’re not there.
Even in the northeast, university areas tend to be better than anywhere else. I live in one, and we’ve got a handful of interracial couples within a few houses. My son’s kindergarten class had a little under 50% white kids, and those who were not white were about half mixed and about half monoracial (but including several different backgrounds).
We live in the South and in my experience, our city is “technically” diverse if you look at the population numbers. In actuality, people live very segregated lives. Once children are in school that changes somewhat, but most of the places that I know of that celebrate diversity are doing it intentionally, like interracial churches or interracially focused preschool programs. In my experience people don’t just mix. This is one of the main reasons we’re planning to leave as soon as possible.
Like others have said, I love Atlanta. I don’t think all of the South is this way, it’s just been my experience here in Nashville. I’d definetly plan a prolonged visit to any city before moving there, if that’s possible. I’m not following my own advice; we’re moving to another country without having visited, but that’s another story…
I have lived in Virginia and now I live in the Northeast. Honestly, I have encountered much more unwelcoming behavior here than I ever encountered in the south. However, I am told it’s socio-economic. Given the fact individuals have no idea what my husband and I earn, I personally think that is a smokescreen. I think your sister will be fine. Cities tend to be more welcoming than rural areas but racism is everywhere.
Ugh, I hate it when people lump the “south” as one place. Where in Vermonth? And where in NC or Georgia? Are you talking about rural Vermont versus Atlanta and Durham?
Metropolitan areas in NC and Georgia probably have more in common with metropolitan areas in the northeast than with rural areas in NC. Many people in NC and Georgia are transplants from the northeast, and if you are in a city or college town, you’ll find the same liberal values you’d find elsewhere in similar cities.
I grew up in the northeast (northern Connecticute, western MA, and then upstate NY) and now live in NC in the Triangle area. I’d much rather live here with my African-born sons than in mostly white Vermont. There are many opportunities here for my sons to interact with people of color. We can drive or bike less than a mile to get to the black barber. The local schools have kids from a range of racial and socioeconomic groups.
Really it depends more on the specific areas the sister is considering. I certainly wouldn’t want my sibling make grand assumptions about the “south” based on prejudice and stereotypes.
I agree with the previous posters that the South is too diverse to lump into one catagory. I lived in SE Virginia, home to many military bases and there was a great deal of diversity in this area. The kids would be part of the picture there. Not so in SW Virginia. So by all means, move South, but choose with care!
Good luck!
We are a multiracial family (including African American family members) and we live in Vermont. And we are moving out of state because we have found lots of semi-underground racism against our family and other people of color.
The schools are very racist, especially. Have you read the Federal Human Rights Commision reports (1999 and 2003) on racial harrassment in the Vermont schools?
The current politics are progressive, but racism (especially aversive racism) is still a HUGE issue here in Vermont.
i agree with daisy. i hate the lumping of the south as one big scary racist unit as well. i was born and raised in the south and experienced more racism in major cities in the northeast than i did down south, ironically enough, from other people of color. SO i think it’s unfair to just smash 1/4th of the country into a tiny little box because of what (surprise) we see on tv or read in the paper and ultimately use as ammunition against the south and a blue ribbon for the north (thus sweeping problems elsewhere under the carpet).
another thing you may want to consider is, while i don’t recommend jumping into the lion’s den so to speak, i think it’s important for children to grow up in environments that help them grow as human beings, and sometimes, adversity does just that. as people of color, the children will, most likely, at some point in their lives, experience racism and/or discrimination, so picking the northeast over the south is not going to shield them from that.
as a black woman growing up in memphis, tennessee (which is about half white and half black), i did just fine. the biggest divide i witnessed was one of class (of course, this was also connected to race), which seems to be a universal issue… so i guess it’s just a matter of picking and choosing your battles and when you want to fight them.
on another side note, i tend to see a lot of biracial children (mainly black/white) whenever I go down south… so it’s not like the children will be the only biracial people for miles…
I also live in the South (I was born here) and hate how the South seems to be percieved by non-Southerners sometimes. I live in a suburb of Atlanta, and in our town, when my husband and I are out and about, we will see lots of interracial couples and families, and lots of mixed kids. It’s pretty great! Also, the first college I attended (also in ATL suburbs) was supposed to be in one of the most racially and culturally diverse areas in the country, as there was a really good mix of blacks, whites, latinos, and asians.
Even though, as Wendi pointed out, you can’t shield your kids from everything life will bring their way, I understand the desire to raise your kids in an accepting or diverse environment, if possible. If my husband and I ever have kids (who will be multiracial), we will have the same concern for them, I’m sure.
I have to agree with atlasien and Kohana. My family is a multiracial family living in Metro Atlanta and we don’t meet resistance on a regular basis. In the 12 years I’ve been with my husband, I remember being glared at only a few times. I think that is pretty good.
Like Kohana said, unfortunately voluntary segregation runs rampant here. It can be difficult for a multiracial family with young children (younger than school age) to find a diverse group of friends.
Hey all. Thanks so much for the great feedback. I found so much useful info in what you all wrote.
I certainly agree with the point that Daisy made. It was very important – “Which part of the state” does one live in. Personally, I live in Burlington, Vermont and I feel that it certainly makes a difference, as far as acceptance goes, to be the largest “city” and have the University here, and probably that larges mix of peoples in this small, small state.
If my original statement comes across as biased again the South, you must remember that my experience is based mostly on history and from observing as a third party while living in Atlanta for Ten months. Of course I can only formulate my opinion by watching the behavior of others, never having experienced this type of racism first hand (anti-African-American racism). As an aside, I suppose the concept of voluntary segregation can’t even be an issue in Vermont, as there are just too few people of color.
I mention history, because I feel that any logical assessment of any geography would be amiss if one did not count historic factors into their formulation of an opinion. It was only about 51 years ago that the Montgomery buses were integrated. While I know that the South has moved forward exponentially since then, 51 years isn’t that long in the scheme of things (at least not as far as history is concerned).
I suppose all that really matters is the state of things there today, and from what you are all telling me, it sounds like that there are some great places in the South to raise a multiracial family.
You’ve all convinced me that certain areas of the South should definitely be one option for my sister and her boys.
Thanks so much,
I agree with the comments which state that the South cannot be painted with the proverbial broad brush. Even for my parents, who grew up in a segregated South Carolina in the 1930s-1950s had a very different experience from, say, Black Americans who lived in Mississsippi, Georgia, etc. during the same time period. I think it’s a matter of asking a lot of questions re: race relations in the areas in which you plan to live. I do believe that the South as a region has done far more in dealing with its race problem than any other region of the United States.
I totally agree with the comments that have said to avoid more rural areas and choose larger cities that are more diverse. (Not only diverse in skin color, but in backgrounds and levels of education, etc…) I live in NC, and have lived in several cities/towns of this state. There is still a whispered prejudice among white people. I know, b/c I am white. I am not racist, but other white people not knowing this make comments to me in the “whispered tone” that totally pisses me off. I have found it to be more common in rural areas despite that fact that in my city AA are the majority! I live in Rocky Mount, NC and it is 62% or so black. Good Luck to you! Choose wisely.
J,
I understand what you are saying about history, but while New England may have been a racially progressive area (relative to the south) in the 1800s this is no longer the case.
Think about it like this–the south was fighting for racial integration in the 1950s and 1960s, but in Boston they were battling over school integration in the 1980s. Moreover, several of the whitest states in the United States of American are located in New England-New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine.
I personally think most areas of the south would be more welcoming for a person with African ancestry than areas of northern New England.
Just some food for thought…
I certainly agree with the point that Daisy made. It was very important – “Which part of the state” does one live in. Personally, I live in Burlington, Vermont and I feel that it certainly makes a difference, as far as acceptance goes, to be the largest “city” and have the University here, and probably that larges mix of peoples in this small, small state.
I find Burlington to be incredibly racially problematic (as a Black person) and while I’m sure it’s better for white parents raising black children (as in people often are surprised that my children are MINE since most of the time people who parent black children in these parts usually are white.)
Much of VT is much more racially problematic than any area of the south I’ve ever been to/lived in. I don’t know why VT keeps getting this reputation of being so “liberal”. It’s quite backward. That notion needs to DIE. It’s not true and the racism here can be so scary at times because it comes from people who think they are not racially problematic. There is NO diversity here. Most black people are assumed to be poor, uneducated and most Vermonters are unaware of something called THE BLACK MIDDLE/UPPER CLASS. My father is a doctor and so is my mother. (Both are black.)
When my parents used to come to events at my college people were often surprised at how “well spoken” they appeared. Many assumed I was a scholarship kid, when in fact I was raised in an extremely affluent family.
Because of the very racist and restrictive lens in which many Vermonters use to frame race it can be quite upsetting to those of us who are not used to being around folks who don’t come across much diversity.
The south is not a monolithic place. Asheville (for example) is basically Burlington of the south. It is nothing like Atlanta or Charlotte or Baton Rouge.
We are an interracial couple with two biracial children. After spending 10 years in California we moved to the South. We believe that location makes a difference wherever one lives. The rural areas tend to be populated with more narrow-minded people. We currently live in Mobile AL. We have found very real and disturbing pockets of bigotry in my son’s high school. There is seemingly no thought given at all by school officials that maybe some tolerance classes would be helpful. Parents, you may think that people (bigots) can think what they want, that this is their problem, but I can tell you that the children may experience very real difficulties that can be painful and life altering.
Interesting question… Here’s my take as a social worker having lived in a big city and worked in rural parts of the South. First, racism, classism, and sexism combine in America–no matter where you are from. The more white, upper-class, and male, the less you’ll experience inequities, such as income or opportunity discrimination. Second, beware of colorblindness. Many whites have not experienced the subtle and overt effects of racism. It’s easy to think that racism is a thing of the past, but in reality, it alive and well. In fact, it is embedded in our culture. I know this may sound radical to some, but ask white people if they would move to the inner city and a majority will say “heck no.” The bottom line is that many areas in the South are conservative. So, if you combine a history of turbulent race relations, lack of education, traditionalism, familiasm, xenopohobia, evangelism, economic hardship, rugged individualism, then you can see what the rural South might hold. Now, this is a generalization, but these are deeply held convictions by many who reside in rural areas. People in “the city” are in a separate category, but many of those living in the smaller cities have deep connections to the less educated rural mentality. That’s not to say that rural people don’t have lots of positives. It does, however, place an extra burden on you to change perception. This is hard work and having few role models creates indentity issues. So, like others have said, research the demographics. The bigger the city, the better. Then, there would be the issue of classism. Urghh
It really depends on the color of the children if they look more light skined black like you can tell just by look at them or are they more likly to be mistaken for mexican or portagese or brizallian or something else. I grew up in texas i am half black and half white i have 4 half sisters and 2 half brothers that are all black. i experince more racist things aginast me because i am more mexican color or more of a dark eyed good taning skined woman with the ” good hair’ as black people call it. The black girls would tell me to leave there good black men alone and find my self a good with boy or a mexican. I live in MA now and i am married to a half portagese/english,scottish man and one of my kids is white with blue eyes and tow colored hair and the other is tan with br eyes and br hair. i have experinced some race issues up here but nothing like down in texas were i grew up.
Im sorry thats the truth it really depends on the color of the kids thats the first thing they see. And if they are light skined with pretty colored eyes they will be more excepted by the girls down there and the mothers of the girls and some of the boys will befriend them. so its really you sisters choice but that what i expreinced. I was not in a rual back ward town but it was small enough and we would go to the big city of lubbock and it was the same. My brother was excepted by the girls and there mothers just becasue they thought they could get more out of life with a guy that wasn’t black looking to the eye. this is the truth.
To all who hates people lumping the South into one big racist region: I feel ya.
As a native of the ATL, I find it quite annoying when people tell me this because it they make it seem that South as the most racially scary region in the US, while racism doesn’t exist in non Southern places.
My positives here in my home city outweighs any negatives from it. I grew up in a mostly White neighborhood. I never recalled any of my neighbors harassing my family. My folks lived across the street by a mixed couple and their 3 bad sons( They loved setting fires to things. Hmmm…. i wondered what ever happened to those boys?).
My sister’s best friend is from Connecticut. She had the same thoughts about Georgia–the “redneck” thought. She was married to a Latino man,who could have passed for a White man and they didn’t think that IR couples existed here. I was almost floored when I heard that and wanted to ask them where they have been?
What they didn’t realize was that the ATL is highly diverse. Even in the 1970′s, it was Black/White,but I recalled the Asians trickling in, the Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Laotians, then I remembered the Cubans and the rest was history. With some Northerners, one of the big mistakes they make is treating ATL as a whole. With the city and the whole state you cannot do that and let me tell you why you cannot treat it as such.
The state of GA, has over 140 counties,with 28 of them considered to be part of the ATL ‘burbs. Whenever I hear people like my sis’s best friend say that she didn’t see any biracial couples I’m like” we’ll did you go to.( what city/county)?”. I ask that because you just cannot expect for interracial couples to be in you face. Most people tend to live in the ‘burbs, oddly this is where most of the mixed/single race couples will go, even though you can find then in all of these counties. Basically, they are spreaded out all over the place and maybe that’s why to some, supposedly, they don’t” exist” in the ATL.My mom is from a small town in Southwest Georgia, near the Alabama border. Even in the Jim Crow era, there were interracial couples t, although during those times they couldn’t be public with it . I’ve been going there as a child. I’m almost 40. So far, so racially good and even there, I see mixed couples and their mixed Black/White, Black/Latino kids in tow. My cousins goes to a mixed school there. and the Korean population is in there( because of Kia) I’ve even considered moving there( because of the slow pace)
No matter which county you’re in , IR couples live in them in them. I”ve been to a mostly Historically Black enclave like Cascade/West End, I seen a mixed couple there and even in mostly White Paulding county( though I prefer diversity with both), I’ve even seen some in mostly Asian/latino Doraville, Ga( DeKalb County. With out being over confident, I have dared in telling my non Southern friends that I will see an interracial couple before the end of the day. I end up winning.
IR couples/diversity can exist any where in Georgia, but if you want to go where the bulk of it is, I would suggest the following counties and/or cities:
1-Dekalb, Cobb, Clayton and especially Gwinnett counties. Gwinnett is loaded with diversity and you’ll notice by the shops stores and definately the people.From time to time, I’ve attended internationally themed events from counties like Japan, Peru,France, Nigeria, Laos, Russia ,Greece, Ethiopia, Trinidad etc. There are so many that I can’t even count them all.There are many and that itself should tell people how diverse the ATL really is.( love myself some of the Caribbean,Greek and Japanese festivals)
Realistically, there is NO such thing as a totally racially accepting place. The problem that I have when people say this is that they make it seem that if they move into ( eg. NYC, Hawaii) that automatically everybody in that state/city will welcome them with open arms and that’s it, while in the South you have to stay awake and wonder what Redneck will firebomb you home). I don’t care what region people live in, you will get stared at( not necessarily because of racism), and there may always be people in this world who may resent you being in an interracial union. That is just the way of the world.
People just shouldn’t automatically assume that the South is a racist and other parts of the regions are all good with it. I remembered going to Penn State with a friend. I came back to Georgia disgusted because of the racism I contended with there in State College, Pa. I’ve had a cousin to experience a great deal of racism in Hawaii and his Ir union not accepted by the father of his girlfriend.
That lesson just taught me to that racism can exists anywhere and not to be so assuming about a place because of how it appears.it’s great to have it,but you still cannot be naive about it.
To all who hates people lumping the South into one big racist region: I feel ya.
As a native of the ATL, I find it quite annoying when people tell me this because it they make it seem that South as the most racially scary region in the US, while racism doesn’t exist in non Southern places.
My positives here in my home city outweighs any negatives from it. I grew up in a mostly White neighborhood. I never recalled any of my neighbors harassing my family. My folks lived across the street by a mixed couple and their 3 bad sons( They loved setting fires to things. Hmmm…. i wondered what ever happened to those boys?).
My sister’s best friend is from Connecticut. She had the same thoughts about Georgia–the “redneck” thought. She was married to a Latino man,who could have passed for a White man and they didn’t think that IR couples existed here. I was almost floored when I heard that and wanted to ask them where they have been?
What they didn’t realize was that the ATL is highly diverse. Even in the 1970′s, it was Black/White,but I recalled the Asians trickling in, the Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Laotians, then I remembered the Cubans and the rest was history. With some Northerners, one of the big mistakes they make is treating ATL as a whole. With the city and the whole state you cannot do that and let me tell you why you cannot treat it as such.
The state of GA, has over 140 counties,with 28 of them considered to be part of the ATL ‘burbs. Whenever I hear people like my sis’s best friend say that she didn’t see any biracial couples I’m like” we’ll did you go to.( what city/county)?”. I ask that because you just cannot expect for interracial couples to be in you face. Most people tend to live in the ‘burbs, oddly this is where most of the mixed/single race couples will go, even though you can find then in all of these counties. Basically, they are spreaded out all over the place and maybe that’s why to some, supposedly, they don’t” exist” in the ATL.My mom is from a small town in Southwest Georgia, near the Alabama border. Even in the Jim Crow era, there were interracial couples t, although during those times they couldn’t be public with it . I’ve been going there as a child. I’m almost 40. So far, so racially good and even there, I see mixed couples and their mixed Black/White, Black/Latino kids in tow. My cousins goes to a mixed school there. and the Korean population is in there( because of Kia) I’ve even considered moving there( because of the slow pace)
No matter which county you’re in , IR couples live in them in them. I”ve been to a mostly Historically Black enclave like Cascade/West End, I seen a mixed couple there and even in mostly White Paulding county( though I prefer diversity with both), I’ve even seen some in mostly Asian/latino Doraville, Ga( DeKalb County. With out being over confident, I have dared in telling my non Southern friends that I will see an interracial couple before the end of the day. I end up winning.
IR couples/diversity can exist any where in Georgia, but if you want to go where the bulk of it is, I would suggest the following counties and/or cities:
1-Dekalb, Cobb, Clayton and especially Gwinnett counties. Gwinnett is loaded with diversity and you’ll notice by the shops stores and definately the people.From time to time, I’ve attended internationally themed events from counties like Japan, Peru,France, Nigeria, Laos, Russia ,Greece, Ethiopia, Trinidad etc. There are so many that I can’t even count them all.There are many and that itself should tell people how diverse the ATL really is.( love myself some of the Caribbean,Greek and Japanese festivals)
Realistically, there is NO such thing as a totally racially accepting place. The problem that I have when people say this is that they make it seem that if they move into ( eg. NYC, Hawaii) that automatically everybody in that state/city will welcome them with open arms and that’s it, while in the South you have to stay awake and wonder what Redneck will firebomb you home). I don’t care what region people live in, you will get stared at( not necessarily because of racism), and there may always be people in this world who may resent you being in an interracial union. That is just the way of the world.
People just shouldn’t automatically assume that the South is a racist and other parts of the regions are all good with it. I remembered going to Penn State with a friend. I came back to Georgia disgusted because of the racism I contended with there in State College, Pa. I’ve had a cousin to experience a great deal of racism in Hawaii and his Ir union not accepted by the father of his girlfriend.
That lesson just taught me to that racism can exists anywhere and not to be so assuming about a place because of how it appears.it’s great to have it,but you still cannot be naive about it.
I think it depends on what part of the south you are considering- there is a huge difference in the reception we receive as a trans racial family from area to area. For example if we are visiting Atlanta for a weekend or Asheville, NC then we are barely glanced at- and if anyone does say anything it is nice- not race related… However, in places like Columbia, SC or Augusta, GA the reception can be less than welcoming-usually it is an unspoken hostility but we’ve also had nasty racist comments made to us…In these cities there is about a 40% negative reaction to our family which means to me that they are not acceptable places to settle with a trans racial family. I agree with the advice to visit and research the area before moving- we plan to do the same. I, personally, lean towards Atlanta for a city in the south that is the sort of place I would consider a good fit for trans racial families.