Dear Anti-Racist Parent,
Given the recent post about living in a nearly-all white school district, and the last post about the mom who’s moving from NY to Houston, could you put out a call for ideas on how to naturally mix-it-up culturally when you’re living somewhere that’s mostly white?
And by “mostly white”, I mean I’ve gone as long as two months here without even seeing black skin anywhere- the grocery store, McDonalds, people walking on the street- nothing. When you figure that around 12% of the US is black, you realize that minority is severely underrepresented here.
And it’s not just the black minority- I haven’t seen other minorities in the percentages I should either. Every time I go to a function with the intention of meeting people I end up in a room full of white people.
I’d love to hear how other people have managed, because I’m out of ideas…
Thanks,
From Amy in central (rural) NY
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Heh. My former pastor just moved from 2 city parishes with a fair amount of diversity to another parish, mostly all white, in the upper burbs. I was complaining about the lack of diversity in the church nearest me, and he commiserated, saying essentially, “If you want diversity, you’re going to have to start it.” I don’t think he necessarily meant, “Start having more babies,” but rather to be more active in looking and making alliances. Then again, I’m catholic.. maybe he DID mean more babies…
I go to the church nearest me about 1/2 the time now, rather than schlep home to that city parish, and I saw from their own online statistics that the parish IS about 8-10 percent ethnic minority (including AAs, APIs, and Latinos). I changed my schedule and lo and behold, most of the minorities were at the family service at 10 AM. The later service was much less diverse.
A young woman in front of me asked after church if I were part of the parish, as she’s new to the area and the US, and I had to tell her that I was also recently new to the parish. She’s from the Caribbean and used to a more lively, more ethnically (and musically) diverse service, and she was ready to go to a Baptist church for some diversity. I directed her to a Catholic church in Philly with ethnic and musical diversity (and a gospel choir
, but I felt conflicted at the same time – shouldn’t I be going to the same places I’m sending her?
How do you make diversity? You can’t make it from air – often rural or some suburban areas ARE undiverse. But there is often a perceived invisibility of ethnic minorities that belies statistics. The suburban town where I live now is supposed to be 15% non-white minority. Ask me how many non-white minorities were 1) on the local ballot, 2) visible in the local paper (for positive things), 3) owning shops and businesses in town (that I’ve found so far). The suburban parish I attended on Sunday had a newsletter in the pews – it included parish happenings, profiles, etc. Not one minority, although I know they have a Vietnamese priest. The pamphlets in the church – all non-minorities in the pictures. It’s not exactly welcoming, and it doesn’t inspire me to make waves. But if I were to join the parish officially, the first thing I’d bring up is to have the parish literature reflect the actual parish makeup, regarding ethnicity and other issues.
That’s a tough one. When I recently went to a very undiverse place in rural NY with my multiracial family, my husband felt unwelcome and uncomfortable. He is a mixed race person, and the nicest person in the world – he always strikes up conversations with strangers. But there he felt that folks were giving us the cold shoulder. One family actually called their daughter away when she started playing with our daughter, who is black. After a few days, he didn’t want to go out anymore. So I wonder if it could bet that the people of color who ARE in your town could be staying home….I know I am not offering a solution, just a description of one family’s experience. If one person had responded to us in a friendly way, it might have made a difference as to how we felt about the place. It would not have been enough for us to consider moving there, but it might have made a difference as to how much time we spent out and about.
In line with the above comments: one has to be the diverse change sometimes, that one wishes to see in the community.
While I have seen Blacks at the grocery store if I change my schedule and go on a Sunday night, it was nearly a year into living here before I’d seen even three in the daytime (me and mine not included). That famous AA ‘nod’ goes into full effect here when we spy each other, and it feels good, I must say.
By making sure the other parents know that I am available to do fill-ins when room parents are out, or that I will proctor; by showing up at the library’s hands-on arts events, and other town-wide events (where I search, scan, gaze) my children and I (excuse the pun) pepper the crowd all the time, and disturb people’s comfort zones, and break down (albeit verrrrry slowly) people’s barriers.
We went to a local high school and specifically asked them to recommend a responsible Chinese teen to babysit our Chinese daughter. They sent over a terrific kid who has become very much part of our family, and who has been happily teaching us about her own life and cultural background …
We, too have had to think about this and make some decisions and gone out of our way a bit to bring the diversity that we wanted into our lives. Once we decided this is what our family needed, creative solutions that worked for our family were right around the corner.
I am assuming Amy is a mom? (Since the title of this website is Anti racist parent
I think the first layer is school. This is where your children spend the majority of their lives and where you as a parent have the most in common with the other parents. Through PTO, after school activities and the like, family ties as well as our kids friendships are forged through schools.
This may be a complicated option.
Call around different schools [if your neighborhood school lacks] to public (if switching is an option) and private – don’t forget to ask specifically about the diversity of the school community. Don’t forget teachers and staff!! And then also visit while school is in session as some schools realize that this is becoming more of a selling point for their schools, and can often ‘pad’ their diversity numbers. Also ask how diversity within the school community is celebrated. The ask how the school handles issues of racism among students and families. If the answer is ‘we have absolutly no issues of racism here.’ be worried. As we know, diversity in an of itself is not an panacea. The school community has to value this and actively work on making a safe place for all students. Not just a place where the white kids get to learn about India, China etc. (although this should be a part too)
Private schools offering the diversity you are looking for may be unaffordable for you or too far a distance. If that is the case…
Next try – places of worship. If you are attending anyway, these are usually wonderfully open places to meet other families of color you might as well drive a little farther – or sometimes very far – and plan on driving for playdates, dinners, etc.
Or if your family does not celebrate faith this way…
Google local ethnic or racial ‘affinity’ groups in your area. (or places of work?) Attend their meetings. ( make sure they are open meetings) Keep attending and offer to do jobs that need doing. Get the word out about their events, clean up after meetings, etc. Through your support and over time your ‘work’ with the group will naturally lend itself to making friendships based on experiences you share and values you hold in common. If I have found an incredible community of friendships here through these groups in metro Detroit, you can find them anywhere!! (metro-Detroit is highly segregated, I heard reports the most segregated community in the nation?)
Lastly, start your own group. Think about what it is you would like to see change in your area to make diversity more of an option (more outreach to these communities that you seek? better schools? more sensitivities to issues of racism? ) You will have to think a bit about why your area does not have more diversity and actively work to change it. You will find like-minded people – we are everywhere!!
Publicize your group anywhere and everywhere. Meet at a local coffee shop.
Lastly and most efficiently but sometimes even more remotely an option – move. Research areas, schools, talk with folks of color. Explain to your kids why you are moving.
Good luck, stay positive and be patient.
Best,
Jen
While the positive ideas are great, at the risk of raising a contrarian view, have you asked yourself honestly – very honestly – how much effort you are willing to invest to “diversify”? And how long should children be asked to live in isolation? (Sorry, that’s my baggage…never mind.)
What happens if there aren’t any non-whites, or worse, none willing to interact with you? What are your limits?
Patience is a virtue, but nobody can become a saint while they’re alive.
Hope things work out for you
I have conflicting feelings about our non-diverse area. I initially felt as though we were being unfair by raising our child in an area which is very Caucasian. Often we are asked questions about our daughter or we get stares and interested adults and children commenting on her ethnicity.
until I vacationed in this diverse area. Do the people who are more familiar with diverse races also feel more privileged to spew racism?
I recently vacationed in an area where I was born and raised. One of the most diverse areas in our country. It was an interesting experience.
It felt nice at first to “blend” in and not have people interested in us, then I began to notice that those who did have racist comments and any interest in our situation were those who did so out of anger and disgust about diversity.
I wonder now if those who have never been exposed to people of different ethnicity will have a more innocent view about them? Is it possible that a diverse area is one filled with more animosity for those who are not white?
I had never heard the term ): pan face
We have successfully connected with many people who are of different ethnicities in our area. A little effort pays off in the end. Now we have wonderful new friends and a stronger support system and also a new force of alliance which helps other people new to our area feel welcome.
Where in rural Central NY is this? I’m from the area and could help.
As far as areas that are rural with some diversity in the region would be in school districts like Onondaga, LaFayette, Canastota, Stockbridge Valley, Hamilton, Morrisville-Eaton, Waterville, Oriskany, Westmoreland and Tully off the top of my head. It varies by district, but there is diversity to some degree in those areas and maybe a few more.