Teaching diversity in a diversity-free zone

by Anti-Racist Parent columnist Tami Winfrey Harris

I miss the city sometimes.

It occurs to me that my family and I have traded something important to get a suburban one-acre lot with a fenced in backyard, a quiet, tree-lined street, an aura of safety and a school system that offers education with all the trimmings. We’ve traded the rhythm and texture of urban life, including the kind of multicultural existence that raises racial consciousness and understanding, and makes one feel connected with the world’s citizens.

I have always considered it to be a blessing that I came of age in a “mixed” neighborhood. My black family was among the first to integrate what had been a white community on the southern shore of Lake Michigan. My elementary school photos, taken during the early influx of families of color and before white flight began in earnest, reveal a mix of smiling young faces: black, white, Hispanic, Indian, Filipino.

Since my formative years, I have lived a host of places: From a largely homogenous Iowa college campus to a re-gentrifying Chicago neighborhood that was a mix of races and ethnicities, haves and have nots. I have always felt most comfortable in places that embodied the “melting pot” ideal—the sort of places where you can smell the scent of Indian food on Friday night, hear strains of mariachi music on Saturday morning or maybe a little bass bumping from some dusty R&B.

I love places like that, but I know that they are rare. I’m no social scientist, but I would venture a guess that many, many Americans are not so acquainted with people of other races and cultures. At best, we see our “Asian friend” or “black friend” or “white friend” at work and then retreat to our segregated neighborhoods and social groups and churches. At worst, we make assumptions based on TV news and Hollywood distortion, and rarely see a person who is different from us in real life. For all our talk of diversity in this country, we don’t know each other very well.

So, when public discourse turns to race, as it has in the 2008 presidential election, the mainstream is shocked to find that black people are angry about America’s racist past and present; and black people are shocked that anyone could be shocked, given the very real prejudice we face every day.

No, we don’t know each other at all.

And I think about that as I go about my day-to-day life, often the only face of color wherever I go in the largely white suburb where I now live. My neighbors are lovely and I like it here. I sometimes long for the “melting pot” I left behind, but I can deal. I am 30-something and have developed my world view. But I worry about the children.

You see, I think one answer to racism is familiarity. The better we know each other, the more comfortable we become and the harder it is to view each other as “others.” The kids here won’t naturally gain a lot of familiarity with people of other races. (Nor, I should add, will the kids in some of Chicago’s all-black or all-Hispanic neighborhoods.) So, does that guarantee that some 20 years from now, we’ll be having the same breathless misunderstandings about race?

I like to think not, but I don’t know.

I suppose as a guest contributor, I should have answers. This time I don’t. But I would like to hear from you.

How do you encourage your child to understand and embrace people of other races when interaction with them is rare?

Tami is a writer,and communications and marketing professional living in the Midwest with her husband and stepson. She blogs at What Tami Said and is a contributor to the upcoming anthology, What We Think:Gender Roles, Women’s Issues and Feminism in the 21st Century , coming to bookstores in March 2008.

Photo by Carplips Family

Share and Enjoy:

Trackbacks & Pings

Tools for Teaching in a Diversity Free Zone at Anti-Racist Parent - for parents committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook on 07 May 2008 at 7:00 am

[...] been thinking a lot about the issue of how to teach, expose, and experience diversity in a “diversity-free” zone (thanks for the segue Tami!). I directly experience this issue personally and professionally every [...]
Tools for Teaching Diversity in a Diversity Free Zone « To Loosen the Mind on 08 Jun 2008 at 7:12 pm

[...] been thinking a lot about the issue of how to teach, expose, and experience diversity in a “diversity-free” zone (thanks for the segue Tami!). I directly experience this issue personally and professionally every [...]

Comments

LH wrote:

To answer your question: It’s hard. And that’s why I turn to ARP for answers. What we are contemplating is moving across the country so that our daughters will be raised in a multi-cultural, diverse city. Before we became a transracial family, I would have never even considered this – but now, I see things differently.

Thanks for writing this post. I really enjoy your thoughts, ideas, and writing style.

Posted 11 Apr 2008 at 11:54 am ¶
Amyesq wrote:

Excellent post.

Sometimes it can go beyond race. In my Southern California suburban neighborhood, I am lucky that my kids can play with Chinese, Korean, Indian, African-American, Persian, Latino and Filipino kids. I relish the racial diversity that my town brings. When deciding to adopt from China, my husband and I made a pact that we would never move from the Pacific Rim so our girls would never feel conspicuous. Of course, not everyone can do this, we just happen to be lucky.

I actually worry a little bit more about socioeconomics. Everyone is so much the same in our neighborhood! Regardless of race (and perhaps it is only my white privilege speaking that I feel like everyone is the same, not having the perspective of being a minority race) I feel like everyone here has the same jobs, drives the same cars, wears the same clothes, is into the same things, etc. So my problem is not race per se, but the lack of socioeconomic diversity.

I need to find a way to celebrate everyone’s differences instead of dwelling on how everyone is the same. The only way to change that, I think, would be to move out of the suburbs. Of course, I am the first to acknowledge my comfort level with where I am.

Posted 11 Apr 2008 at 1:47 pm ¶
Lisa (Blah Blah) wrote:

Thanks for this post. I am wondering if there are activities that you could get your kids involved in that are outside of your suburb? I’m thinking a dance, music or movement class that might be available a litle further away but that would expose them to a greater racial mix. Or how about church?

My family lives in a fairly white neighborhood in Los Angeles. We are African-American and send our 5-year-old to an almost perfectly racially mixed pre-K (as in 28% black, 28% white, 28% Asian, 11% Hispanic, 5% unspecified or other) in our former neighborhood 5 miles away. I have 2 issues with this – one, similar to AmyEsq above, is that there’s no socioeconomic diversity. Conversely, there is no neighborhood within reasonable commuting distance with a similar mix of kids where we could send her to a “good” public kindergarten. So the issue is, do we stick her in a predominantly white “good” public school, or do we suck it up and pay obscene amounts of money to keep her in the diverse school, where she excels and feels comfortable and where the teachers are just as diverse? (One interesting side note here: her current best friend at the “diverse” school is a blue-eyed, blonde white boy. Her former best school friend, an African-American girl, moved away last year.) I think she would do well wherever she is, but the larger question is why the schools in the more racially mixed neighborhoods are so crappy. I would absolutely not send her to public school in the neighborhood where her current private school is. I am looking into one neighborhood several miles away where I am told the racial mix is more balanced and the public schools are good, and there is also a progressive, multiracial church there about which I’ve heard a lot of good things. But honestly, I feel like a lot of the time I am floundering a bit! This is not easy and you are not alone.

Posted 11 Apr 2008 at 5:44 pm ¶
Liza wrote:

Great post, Tami. I’ve been working on a post for ARP about how I have actively chosen to work in predominantly white institutions (PWIs) as an Asian American woman. Some days I think I’m crazy.. some days I am… some days I realize it’s the socially responsible thing for me to do in this world. Always glad to hear that others go though the same struggle and looking for ways to diversify their own lives. I’ll save it for my later post, but wanted to let you know that you’re not alone!

Posted 11 Apr 2008 at 9:44 pm ¶
Blayne Lopes wrote:

I often wondered what it meant to be part of this “melting Pot”. It is such a broad term. The neighborhoods I have lived in could be considered diverse. Still, I wonder do the mere pressence of people cause understanding. I came from a school where there were all types of people. There was a mixture of people from homosexuals to different cultural backgrounds. This “melting pot” did not eliminate understanding. i must say that i found people to be more accepting, but there were still many people who stereotyped and classified people into groups.

Difference is something to be celebrated and sometimes as social creatures we focus on our similarities in order to create a connection. We form reationships with people who are similar to ourselves. As a college student most of my friends are people of color becuase we share a common background. The college we attend is mainly white in terms of race but I have found it hard to connect to others because I feel there is a difference. A difference that does not come from race but experience. Everone has that ability to embrace difference and understand cultures, however, in my mind that depends on the individual.

Posted 12 Apr 2008 at 3:47 am ¶
Blayne Lopes wrote:

I often wondered what it meant to be part of this “melting Pot”. It is such a broad term. The neighborhoods I have lived in could be considered diverse. Still, I wonder does the mere presence of people cause understanding. I came from a school where there were all types of people. There was a mixture of people from homosexuals to different cultural backgrounds. This “melting pot” did not eliminate prejudices. I must say that I found people to be more accepting, but there were still many people who stereotyped and classified people into groups.
The environment of a child I believe does help a child in becoming more accepting of differences. However, the ability to learn in growth does not and with youth. That is a skill we have all our life. I agree I would want to live in a neighborhood where there was a mixture in who lived there. That would not prevent me from moving to a predominantly white neighborhood. To me there is an importance in helping youth embrace their culture and teach them it is okay to be who they are. I would try to give them role models who did look like them. This is a huge task—that is more easily said then done.
Difference is something to be celebrated and sometimes as social creatures we focus on our similarities in order to create a connection. We form relationships with people who are similar to ourselves. As a college student most of my friends are people of color because we share a common background. At first I feared this could be a problem because I felt that this hindered me from becoming open to people. The college we attend is mainly white in terms of race but I have found it hard to connect to others because I feel there is a difference. A difference that does not stem from race but from personal experience. When I do connect with people from different cultures they do ask me questions. I often wonder if I am a just their “black friend” because for most I know that I might be one of their first close encounters. Everyone has that ability to embrace and understand differences, however, in my mind that depends on the individual.

Posted 12 Apr 2008 at 3:48 am ¶
Danielle wrote:

This is why I feel I will never leave the city. I know it is going to be difficult when my baby reaches school age, as the city we live in has notoriously bad public schools, but I love living in a mixed-race, mixed-religion, mixed socio-economic neighborhood. As members of a minority religion, it is important to me that my child have access to a religious community, but I don’t want him to ONLY know that group, which would be the case if we moved to a suburb where everyone shared our religion. Hopefully with a new president, some changes in public school will begin to happen for everyone living in cities across America. (And hopefully my family will contribute to change in our city’s schools.)

Posted 12 Apr 2008 at 8:50 am ¶
Terri wrote:

Growing up in one of the nearly all-white areas of Chicago I knew that these areas would not be where I would want my biracial (AA/CA) daughter to grow up. Nor would the mostly white suburbs be an alternative for us.

When we moved back to this area I selected the part of town where there is truer diversity. Right outside of Chicago in Oak Park, IL and a few other smaller suburbs there is both diversity and excellent schools some of the best in the country. I believe area/towns like this exist in most large cities so, in many cases, there is no need to settle for less diversity in order to get better schools.

Yes you may have to give up the big yard and live in a condo in order to afford the higher cost of living here but what you get in return is priceless. It is the true example of a multiracial society in minature and the true face of what America will become in the not too distant future.

Posted 12 Apr 2008 at 10:53 am ¶
gm wrote:

Hi Tami,
You’re a great writer. You romanticize where you came from versus where you’re at. You are where you are and let’s start there. Twenty percent black, ten percent Asian, forty percent white and something percent other doesn’t make a community more tolerant. Empathy does! You don’t need a racial mix to understand someone’s point of view. Read, watch, listen and you’re more than half-way there. If you’re not in that mix you’re not in perfect company. Move on!

Posted 12 Apr 2008 at 7:54 pm ¶
Shannon wrote:

This topic is very difficult to discuss but it is very important. I am glad that you brought it to everyone’s attention.
I have lived in a suburb all my life and it is predominantly white. There was barely any diversity in my schools. It was always hard for me to understand because I was being taught that everyone is equal and everyone has the same rights and opportunities. With these lessons I always questioned, then why isn’t everyone in this school or in this town? As I went of to college I expected to see more diversity, racial, religious, etc. Again I faced the same situation lack of racial and religious diversity. Most of the students were white Catholics, Christians, or no religious affiliation. I felt like I was always going to be consumed by this small bubble for all my life. I knew I had to do something, I did not want to be in this bubble any longer.
I joined a club at my school called Diversity on Campus. This club embraces all types of diversity. We put on programs to make others more knowledgeable about people and their cultures. Through this program I also heard about a group called ALANA Brothers and Sisters. I had never heard of this group until I came to college, but being in this group has taught me a lot. Being from white privilege I had never known how many stereotypes were out there. Nor did I realize that some words were acceptable for one person and for others the words are triggers, words that hurt others. I know the only way to learn more about people in general is to share and listen. I know that I will continue in this direction because the only way you can learn is through education, from people near and far.
Now as I think about my future teaching career I hope to keep children from being in the same bubble that I was in. I hope to expose them to other races, cultures, and religions. I will help them embrace differences through literature, guest speakers, pen pals, and field trips. I also hope to form a club similar to the one I had in college where people can come and share. There could be a time for adults, children, and both. It would be open to anyone from anywhere. I know this won’t solve all the problems but I hope it helps others to break away from their safe bubble and explore a little bit more.

Posted 13 Apr 2008 at 12:46 am ¶
Danielle wrote:

I think if the answer were easy, we wouldn’t still be asking it. I echo your concerns, and I feel inadequate that I don’t have any great answers myself. I live in a very rural area, and while we do have diversity (when you know how to look), we have very little racial diversity. As a white parent, I think it is very easy for me to ignore this question, but I do so at the peril of my children’s development as healthy, whole human beings. For now, taking every little opportunity I have to expose them to people of many races in normal, everyday life is as good as I can get, and hope it adds up. As they get older, there may be other opportunities, like service vacations to other communities and camp. But I don’t know if that is sufficient.

Posted 15 Apr 2008 at 3:14 pm ¶
Holly wrote:

We faced the same thing, when moving our bi-racial family back to the home state, which is VERY white, from an east-coast state, where the diversity was my favorite thing about living there…just like you mentioned, being able to smell indian or spanish food on any given night. We hesitated for a while, thinking that maybe moving back wasn’t even going to be possible, but we were able to find an area that is suburban in terms of safety and schools, but urban in location and diversity. It was only by being very deliberate about finding this balance (so our daughter isn’t the only black kid in the school) that we were able to make the move back “Home” a reality.

Posted 15 Apr 2008 at 5:16 pm ¶
jj wrote:

Just started reading this blog, so I don’t know how obvious these comments are or how much they’ve been discussed in the past. I’m sure you are already doing many of these things! Being sure to buy ethnically diverse toys is really important. Black, Asian, Hispanic baby dolls (in fairly equal numbers, not a token ethnic doll surrounded by blond ones), books and toys that feature many cultures, movies and shows that don’t tokenize minorities, etc. When I was young I had pen-pals from around the world AND just from other parts of the country. I don’t know if kids have pen-pals anymore?? Maybe it’s all email based. I love me some email, but pen-pals, with the written letters (I got mail!!–as a kid–very exciting) and photos included. While most of the letters were superficial kid stuff, occassionaly some serious stuff got brought up, which I discussed with my parents (so and so’s parents are getting divorced and she is sad, or her dad lost his job). Be sure when talking about other cultures and people that you don’t make them seem “exotic” or extra-special. Its harder when the kids don’t see these cultures themselves to think of them in that way, but I think it’s really important to just talk about how ALL cutures are cool (even white culture). It reduces the “othering” of other races.

Posted 15 Apr 2008 at 7:27 pm ¶
Marita wrote:

I have a 4 year old daughter who is bi-racial, I am white American and her dad is Jamaican. We live on a small island where there is not exactly socio-economic diversity, rather disparity. There is an increasing immigrant and brown skinned population and a huge influx of exorbinantly rich tourists in the summer. This post reminded me why we moved back here. There is so much value in being exposed to all types of diversity, but there is also an important component of being with people “like me”. For us, this island is just that kind of place. I see families that are “like us” all over the place. And while there are still issues of racism and anti-immigrant sentiments, there is a lot of progress being made, and I am glad we can be a part of it.

Posted 15 Apr 2008 at 8:08 pm ¶
Hilary wrote:

What a great piece.

I also think the more we humanize each other, the more we can sympathize with the respective issues with our groups of origin. I am thrilled to have found an integrated suburban area with an integrated, diverse school for my sons.

It makes me sad how many white people think we have come so far when it comes to civil rights, but are very unable to have a conversation about race without a lot of defensiveness. I have had a situation like this occur very recently on a supposedly liberal, almost all white parenting board I am a member of.

Posted 18 Apr 2008 at 6:07 am ¶
Millie wrote:

Kids need to see people that look like them. We adopted a child from China and have immersed her in our local Chinese community. She went to a school that was predominately white. We changed her to a mixed racial school, still private. Unfortunately, public schools can change depending upon who is elected. Sometimes you do get what you pay for. We feel my daughter’s self esteem is up due to more people looking like her and being from her same country (as well as other darker skinned folks like African American or Indian or Pakistan. And she is getting a great education. Teachers are easy to reach and provide personal attention as parent or kids need it. Safety is the first issue though before moving into a new neighborhood. If a child grows up feeling confident in her identity, she can meet up with people of different socioeconomic levels in college. That is what I did, and I felt it gave me a different appreciation of life, but I think it is fine that it waited until I was an adult. Not being around a racial mix when you are a child of color, howver, can create deep wounds.

Posted 21 Apr 2008 at 3:13 pm ¶
lori wrote:

Hi All,

Having grown up in what was considered America’s most segregated city (Milwaukee) in the 70s and 80s, I promised myself that my children (I’m Black and my boys are mixed) would never live the way I did, mainly the face of diversity in every situation.

Like many of you parents who want what’s best for your kids, good schools and a nice yard, my parents wanted the same for me and my siblings. Private schools, included.

I ‘m writing to say that even though I received an excellent education, there was always a feeling of alienation and wanting to belong and an inherent sense of inferiority. Not to mention, I pretty much became a racist myself, believing that White was the best race of all. I didn’t want to be White, but I never saw people of color in any positions of power or prestige and that’s what kids notice. It didn’t matter that I learned about Great Black People in history books, or at the church. There were none in my world so I didn’t really believe.

My children on the other hand have lived in multi-culti Brooklyn and now uber-diverse Mt. Airy, PA. From experience they are able to conclude that Black and White people have equal opportunities for greatness in this world. They see it everyday. I can reinforce it with my own diversity lessons, but even when I say nothing, their life experiences show them that the world really does work in technicolor.

So just food for thought as you think about moving to the burbs (or any all one color enclave) for the children’s sake. If you value diversity and you want your children to as well, think very carefully about this issue. No there are no easy answers, but nobody said parenting was supposed to be easy.

Peace.

Posted 21 Apr 2008 at 10:22 pm ¶
h sofia wrote:

I’ve noticed this myself … I see it as a socio economic problem first. If one lives in a neighborhood or part of town where folks are better off financially and more educated, these tend to be the places where the houses are more expensive, and … mostly white.

I live in a predominantly white town, in a neighborhood that has a significant Asian population. The schools here are very good. On our block, I see blond kids, East Indians, and Chinese kids playing together. So there is some ethnic diversity, but of course – little socio-economic diversity.

It’s a hard thing to reconcile: personal desire with a greater consciousness of class and race issues.

Posted 22 Apr 2008 at 7:07 pm ¶
Stacy wrote:

I don’t know if this totally relates, but I wasn’t sure to handle it, and would live some advice.

My son was hospitalized earlier in the week due to a minor surgery. The second day into his hospital stay, he came to me with a question.

He exact words were “Mom, why are the only black people I have seen are the people who bring me my food and sweep my floors? All the Dr’s and Nurses have been white and I think that is racist.”

It blew my mind to hear that come from him, and sadly it was a fact I hadn’t even noticed. His Dr/Surgeon was asian, and his surgery nurse was black (he didn’t see her though because she was only with him when he was out).

I would love to hear from other parents how the best way to handle this issue would have been.

Posted 23 Apr 2008 at 3:33 pm ¶
Andrea wrote:

Stacy,

In your case, it is not a matter of racism as your son has an Asian doctor and a black nurse. Did you point this out to him before letting him achieve his conclusion?

Personally, I would handle the situation by telling him that his doctor/nurse are visible minorities, that the US is majority European, so of course that the majority of the staff will be European. And no, this is not racist; it’s simply a game of numbers.

And finally, I think that if you’re going to look for racism, you’re going to find it no matter what.

Posted 26 Apr 2008 at 2:42 pm ¶
ali wrote:

our family just moved from the Pac NW (98% white in our area) to south TX. i thought the diversity would be good for my sons. last week it broke my heart, when my 1st grader came home and said a girl came up to him and said “i don’t like you, because you have white skin.” i can’t help but think, what would have happened had things been the other way around?? it would probably be in the media!! but i notified the school about what happened, and they said they will “follow up.” uh huh…

he’s also told me the kids are more “rough” & “mean” than the kids at his old school. i believe there are defnitely good & bad people of every skin color, but part of me is wondering if coming here was not such a great idea for us?? i am missing my suburbia! and it’s not just about the kids at school, but a whole set of factors that come into play comparing city & suburban lifestyles…

do you have any comments/insight to racism towards whites?? u always hear about whites are “so racist” towards others, but i have encountered a lot of racism towards whites… like when i went to college at a school that was mainly black.

Posted 27 Apr 2008 at 4:04 am ¶
Andrea wrote:

Hey Ali,

First of, I am extremely sorry for what happened to your son.

It has happened to me numerous times (I am European-Canadian), and I know how painful/unfair it is.

Not only are the racist’s words painful (that girl is a racist), but the reaction received from the proper authorities (the ones that are supposed to protect us no matter what our color) is even more shocking.

Visible minorities have been racist to me many times, from not serving me in a restaurant (it has happened) to not hiring me for a job because I am of the wrong color (this has also happened).

I would handle the situation like this:

1) Notify the school. Inform them that racism against Whites is not ok, it is not fine, and it needs to be treated like any other incident of racism. Ideally, diversity training should take place to teach proper multiculturalism (yes, even minority kids need to be taught, as this case demonstrates).

2) Follow up to make sure that the girl was disciplined and taught that she needs to respect everybody, regardless their color.

3) If the school does not do anything, I would go to the chair of the district and I would demand an apology to both me and my son. I would not give up without an apology and without the school taking proper action.

4) Talk to the girl’s parents. This is very important because the girl more than likely learns racism against Whites from her parents.

5) Console your son, and tell him that he did not do anything wrong and that it is not his fault. Tell him that the girl is wrong, and that racism is racism no matter what. I would make sure to let my son know how wonderful and precious he is to both his parents and to the outside world. You need to protect your son.

Posted 28 Apr 2008 at 9:27 pm ¶
Stacy wrote:

Andrea-

Thanks for the input.

We did discuss this after we came home, and at the time of the comment I pointed out that Dr Miyumoto and his nurse were not white.

I think it was hard for him to “get” why there were no white people sweeping his floor and bringing his food. He is at an age right now where he is really starting to see the how uneven things seem to be, and it is hard for me to teach him while also not giving him a jaded view of society.

Posted 28 Apr 2008 at 10:46 pm ¶
Elizabeth F. wrote:

Two years ago we moved to a small city in NC. African Americans make up almost 60% of our population, then approx. 30% white and then other races make up the rest. We are white and moved from IN where I think I saw maybe 2 black people. I love having my children grow up here amidst other races. In my daughter’s school she is definitely in the minority. And as you stated most communitites are somewhat segregated, but my neighborhood is not. The thing that I have noticed is that the churches here are very segregated for the most part. I am very happy that because my children grow up seeing people of different races that this will become normal for them.

Posted 28 Apr 2008 at 10:54 pm ¶
Christina Springer wrote:

Tami – Thank you for this wonderful post! I have been grappling with this issue. But, have lacked the courage to write about it myself. So, thank you.

You said: You see, I think one answer to racism is familiarity. The better we know each other, the more comfortable we become and the harder it is to view each other as “others.”

I think that is right on target. And so hard to achieve when we make the right choices by our families. (Such as comfortable, safe homes; good educational choices; and opportunities for safe recreation; etc.) We left one of the most diverse cities on this planet to return to Pittsburgh. We left for the above reasons and we are happy with our choices. We have a smattering of diversity here. But, by and large – we are either someone’s “Black friend” or someone is our “one Asian friend.” It is a trade off.

We gravitate towards people with similar parenting styles and outlooks on life. We want our lives to be filled with excellent human beings, regardless of the colour of their skin. But, I’m personally not meeting a whole lot of AA’s who are into voluntary simplicity or home education like us. I know two AA families who have similar outlooks – but – they are busy as busy can be maintaining school schedules, feeding their families; etc. So there is not as much time to get the kids together.

Lisa Blah Blah – I feel you. By chance, the majority of my son’s best play mates are blonde, blue-eyed girls. I find myself confronting all manner of old guard ghosts. Mostly, I’m just happy he has good friends. What actually disturbs me is that he is skittish around AA boys.

The actual practice of diversity is a blessing and a curse. Everyone doesn’t always agree and we do a lot of talking about people’s right to believe what they need to whilst holding onto our own values. Where this comes into play is some of our friends with AA children are more challenging to play with because of different life approaches. So, he prefers not to play with them.

I worry about this because he is starting to be like the little girl in that video about the doll. For his birthday he received two fairies – a Blonde and a brunette. He always chooses the blonde. The brunnete regularly gets cast as the “baddie.”

Positive familiarity – that’s the key.

PS Andrea – it’s that racism always comes looking for me. Not vice versa.

Posted 29 Apr 2008 at 8:31 am ¶
Lyonside wrote:

>Personally, I would handle the situation by telling him that his doctor/nurse are visible minorities, that the US is majority European, so of course that the majority of the staff will be European. And no, this is not racist; it’s simply a game of numbers.

Oh here we go again….

It’s NOT simply a game of numbers – what it is is systemic racism at play. Otherwise, the number of minority doctors and nurses to majority doctors and nurses would be IN EXACT PROPORTION to the national or regional population statistics. ONE Asian doctor, and NO African-American or Latin@ doctors, if Stacy’s son’s observations are accurate, and do not reflect the US or any regional demographic.

>And finally, I think that if you’re going to look for racism, you’re going to find it no matter what.

And if you want to excuse systemic racism and have a stake in keeping the status quo, you’re going to justify it, no matter what.

Stacy, let your son know that there may be other doctors and nurses that he doesn’t know about at the hospital (a quick internet search may help – the hospital I delivered my daughter at had a print and online directory of doctors, including pictures). BUT that his observations are possibly true, at least at many facilites. The reasons are not that there are laws AGAINST it per se (legal segregation by race), but that since doctors and RN training is expensive, time-consuming, and tends to attract people from quality educational backgrounds, and there are MORE majority (European-descent) people in this country who can afford the cost and from from a better educational system, then more doctors and RNs, etc., are going to be white. Furthermore, the additional cost for specialization, and the fact that only certain schools HAVE those specializations to begin with, means that for many specialities, there will be fewer minorities in the ranks.

Less advantaged schools + lower socioeconomic level = more nurses aides, more orderlies, and yes, more food preperation etc. Guess where more ethnic minorities are, Andrea?

Posted 29 Apr 2008 at 11:44 am ¶
Stacy wrote:

Lyonside, this whole experience has started a rather interesting convo with my sons about sociology and economics. He is such a bright child, he is really doing his research to figure it all out, with my guidance of course.

Posted 29 Apr 2008 at 12:16 pm ¶
h sofia wrote:

For more information on how race and economics intersect, a good resource is United for a Fair Economy’s Racial Wealth Divide information (see faireconomy.org). There absolutely are educational and wealth disparities between white Americans and Americans of color. Many things are numbers games, but not that.

And of course, seeing how things are in one hospital or one neighborhood is often not a complete picture. If one had grown up where I did, and projected those demographics onto the US at large, white people would be about 12% of the population. So that might be something to always keep in mind with kids, who tend to think that the rest of the world mirrors their own experiences. Sometimes it does, sometimes not.

Posted 29 Apr 2008 at 3:45 pm ¶
gm wrote:

This is what I’ve been grappling with lately. Have you noticed that most of the time people of color are usually the “only” in the crowd? If we are going to make this work then people of no color are going to have to be the “only” sometimes. This means they are going to have to join things with their kids that just happen to be made up of primarily people of color. It may mean stepping out of your comfort zone, your familiarity zone, your majority zone. Most kids of color are going to be okay because they know how to deal with all kinds of people. It’s the white kids I worry about. They are the ones that will continue to feel uncomfortable when the deck is not stacked in their favor.

Posted 30 Apr 2008 at 10:30 am ¶
Ali wrote:

thank you for your response Andrea. racism goes every which direction!! also, i heard just this last weekend there was a huge fight between mexicans & blacks at a STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!! i mean, come on people!!! that is suppose to be a fun, happy, FAMILY event!!! in TX, i have heard the blacks & mexicans HATE each other!! :{ there are gangs here and really i have no idea what i am doing here?!? dh said the gangs “aren’t that serious” ummm….

there is tagging around my son’s elementary school. we moved late in the school year, so he got sent to an “overflow” school. his school next year is suppose to be “much better.” i notified the principal and they said they will “follow up.” i plan to call them again and see what happened. i told my son to get the girl’s name. he saw her and asked her what her name was, and she wouldn’t tell him. maybe i need to go 1 day and have him point her out to me.

dh blew it off. he said she is a young girl, she doesn’t know any better. she is a 1st grader and my son would NEVER go up to a kid and say “i don’t like u because your skin is brown/black” and imagine what would happen if he did?!? really i don’t know what some parents are teaching their kids these days?!? surely a 1st grader doesn’t come up with that on her own…

:::sigh:::

i never had to deal with “race issues” in the Pac NW and maybe i should have just stayed there

Posted 01 May 2008 at 12:06 am ¶
Lyonside wrote:

>I really i don’t know what some parents are teaching their kids these days?!?

It doesn’t have to be parents, and it doesn’t have to be direct. It can be siblings, neighborhood kids, other students. It could be the kid reacting to someone else telling her, “white kids won’t like you, so we don’t like them either.” The kid could be mimicking (and misunderstanding) something from a movie or TV. Or the kid could be flipping something that was said to her previously by someone else. Yes, that doesn’t excuse the comment and the school handled it poorly.

>also, i heard just this last weekend there was a huge fight between mexicans & blacks at a STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!!

Oh yes, ALL mexicans and blacks there were surely involved, I bet – and really, how dare they at a STRAWBERRY festival? Surely, some other agricultural event would have been more appropriate? (/sarcasm)

>i never had to deal with “race issues” in the Pac NW and maybe i should have just stayed there

So, the solution to a relatively minor incident (not to trivialize, but no physical hurt occurred and no racial slurs were utterred – this is molehill territory) is to run back to a 98% YOUR community that also happens to be suburban and completely safe? Gee, do you realize the privilege involved in even HAVING that option? That doesn’t seem so much a solution as it does avoiding conflict. Newsflash: you do not overcome prejudice of any kind by avoiding conflict.

Posted 01 May 2008 at 12:56 pm ¶
Tereza wrote:

I struggle with the same issue, though I am white with a white child in the whitest major U.S. city. And my family is about to move overseas to a very homogeneous – racially (read white) and culturally country. I think the downloadable How to Be an Anti-Racist Parent guide published on this blog about a year ago has some good tips, also echoed in some of the posts above.

My son is still only two-years-old, so a lot more in terms of anti-racist education awaits us than we have delved into so far, but some things that I have been doing are:

- talking about racism and politics openly and often with my husband and friends when my son is around – at the dinner table, for example. This hopefully normalizes the topic and helps to give our son the vocabulary to discuss this when he’s older. It shows that I am concerned about injustice, etc.

- educating myself on the topic of racism

- really listening and engaging my son when he brings up topics to discuss, paving the ground for further and more difficult conversations when he is older

- giving him the opportunities to cultivate his friendships with diverse children

- going to diverse places (downtown, public library, parks, etc.) as often as possible to give our son “exposure” to diversity of all types. It really helps to take public transportation and talk about what we see: talk about the wheelchairs, walkers, for instance, to normalize discussion around issues which our society often marginalizes

- reading lots of children’s books about diverse people and subjects

That’s all I have come up so far. This is a useful discussion. Thanks for writing about this.

Posted 01 May 2008 at 5:19 pm ¶
h sofia wrote:

Ali – you might feel more comfortable if you return to the Pacific NW, but I live here with my family, and we have not been immune to race issues by any means.

You sound pretty upset about that one incident. I’m sorry that happened, but I hope you understand the difference between personal racism (racial prejudice between individuals), and institutionalized racism, and cultural racism.

Yes, anyone can be racially prejudiced, but loveisntenough.org doesn’t seem to be limited to just issues of personal racial prejudice, which is what you seem to be talking about.

Posted 02 May 2008 at 9:35 pm ¶
Katie wrote:

Wow, Ali, your responses reveal a lot of your own racism. You immediate association of blacks and Mexicans with “reverse racism,” gangs and fighting speaks volumes. I believe that one of the most important ways one can be an antiracist parent is to work on being an antiracist person. I think you’ve got some work to do on yourself. What happened to your son is not good – I’m not saying that – but it could serve as a good teaching moment about race and racism in America.

Andrea – oh please. “It is not a matter of racism.” Oh, really? Given the situation as described – service workers primarily people of color, higher-paid professionals primarily white, I’d say it’s a textbook example of institutional racism. And given that your modus operandi seems to be to deny racism exists, unless we’re talking about “reverse racism,” your words are pretty suspect here.

Posted 03 May 2008 at 11:51 am ¶
Sewere wrote:

Lyonside, have I told you how much I appreciate how much you bring on the knowledge? Well you bringeth like no other.

What I wanted to add is how interesting (not in a good way) it is that when Stacy is talking the institutional racism that makes it such that systematically disadvantaged people are less likely to be in certain positions (doctors) and more likely to be in others (nurse aids, janitors etc), Andrea and Ali immediately equated the situation to having suffered racism at the hands of minorities. This is one of the disconnected reasonings that underlies the Oppression Olympics.

Andrea and Ali, it’s unfortunate that you had the experiences you did, but please don’t insult those of us who experience racism in our daily lives how your experiences are the same. Oh and Ali, you forget most of us people of color know why parts of the US are majority white (Hint: There are places that are not quite safe for us either)

Posted 03 May 2008 at 8:19 pm ¶
Deanna wrote:

We try to do things like go to restaurants to try foods from different cultures, or go to festivals and events where Lucca (and his parents) might have the experience of being “the other.” (e.g. being the only caucasians at the African Festival of the Arts). I think that for someone who is most often the majority (aka caucasian), the experience of being the minority is critical in developing empathy and perspecitve–each individual’s experience of the ’same’ world can be so different. (Sorry if that sounds naive–I know for many the experience of being the minority is daily fact of life). I’ve started a blog at Interculturaltalk.org to share (and hopefully collect) ideas on intercultural parenting and have offered to start an Intercultural Advisory Council at my child’s school to help provide teachers resources for integrating multicultural perspectives into curriculum (e.g. a lesson on American Poets might include Eugene Field, Maya Angelou and Kahlil Gibran).

I am from Missouri and Jewish and my husband is Brazilian, and we are raising our child connected to both cultures, and we do tend to gravitate to families who also are cross-cultural, mostly with an hispanic or latino connection. I’ve often wondered, though, if other families would be receptive to family ‘play dates,’ almost like a ‘matchmaking’ service to connect with families of different backgrounds. It’s the equivalent of running a personals ad: “Brazilian Jewish family with 7 year old son looking to connect with muslim, asian, african american, multicultural, etc. families with similar aged children for museum outings, picnics, possible friendship.” It seems with where we live and busy lives, it doesn’t always happen on it’s own.

p.s. On a note to Ali, on the experience of your son, which must have been so hurtful to him, when I was 10 I saw a note someone had written saying they hated “fat Shoss.” I was indeed the fattest girl in the class at the time, and therefore different than all the other students. I caught up with the girl walking home from school that day and said, “so, you hate me?” She said “I guess.” “Why?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she answered. But we became fast friends from that moment forward. I just wonder if inviting the other family to go out for ice cream together or reaching out to have a positive experience together might be a good stepping stone along the lesson of appreciating what’s in someone’s mind and heart over their physical experience. Her parents might be equally mortified about the behavior of their child.

Posted 05 May 2008 at 2:27 am ¶
Ali wrote:

hi all,

i said those things in a moment of feeling very upset about what happened to my son. we are not planning on returning to the Pac NW. and i was not saying all Mexicans & Blacks have reverse racism as i put it, or that they are all in gangs please… i was just referring to 1 incident. and Sewere i think u are referring to places like Idaho, the Pac NW has a good amount of diversity in & around the larger cities actually. i was talking mainly about our little suburb. Portland has diversity for sure.

anyways i guess i was referring to personal racism & not institutionalized… i am new to this site & have not thought a lot about racist issues before moving here. i have no problem with skin color, it’s the type of person they are i have a problem with, KWIM?? there’s a lot of white people out there that don’t make the rest of us proud if you KWIM.

Posted 09 May 2008 at 7:29 am ¶
CEdwards wrote:

I had the great opportunity to be a METCO student who lived in Boston but was bused into Brookline, Mass. about fifteen minutes away. It was like utopia; from the first grade through high school I had friends and teachers from every part of the world and race and culture were discussed continuously and were part of the educational curriculum. I prided myself on the fact that I had a best friend who was Jewish, that my first boycrush was from Bolivia, and that my favorite group of kids to hang out with were drama kids from every social, racial, cultural background you can think of. Years later, at 31, I am still bestfriends with my girlfriend who is Jewish and met in fourth grade. I was enlightened about my own cultural heritage and learned a true hearted appreciation for diversity through my frienships in Brookline.

I am currently living and loving a Caucasian man in Cape Cod and while living on the water is beautiful, the homogenity of the people is not. I’ve always imagined I’d raise a family in a place like Brookline, and now living in what is almost “Andy Griffith” white Cape Cod, it’s hard imagining the day my children might live here.

Posted 11 Jun 2008 at 7:54 am ¶
h sofia wrote:

Re: diversity in the Pacific NW –
I have lived in the Portland metro area for over 15 years. The diversity of Portland is pretty low, compared to other large cities. According to the 2000 census 81.3% of the Portland population identified as white. The rest of folks identified as Latino (nearly 7%), Asian (6.5%), African American (6.5%), and 1 percent or less for other ethnic groups.

There was also an article in Willamette Week the late 90s about how Portland was the “whitest big city in America.” I think Portland is becoming more diverse (and also more stratified), but I wouldn’t say Portland has a lot of diversity. Compared to the rest of Oregon, yes. Compared to Idaho, yes. But Seattle is more diverse (67% white), and of course there is no comparison at all to cities like Chicago (less than 40% white), New York (less than 50% white), Miami (less than 50% white) or San Francisco (less than 50% white).

And there were still active Sundown Towns in Oregon into the 1980s and 1990s.

Posted 12 Jun 2008 at 3:44 pm ¶