by Anti-Racist Parent columnist Dawn Friedman
When we decided to pursue a domestic adoption nearly five years ago, my husband and I – both of us white – decided that we were open to adopting transracially. We were naïve about this – we really didn’t understand the challenges for children adopted transracially – but when we started researching agencies we made note of their cross-cultural adoption programs.
We are in Columbus, OH and we wanted a local agency. We knew we didn’t want to adopt across state lines because things get iffy when you start mixing up adoption laws. (Every state has its own rules and regulations.) Also we were hoping for an open adoption and I knew it would be unlikely that we could have regular visits between our family and our child’s birth family if airfare became an issue.
We narrowed it down to three agencies in our city. (One other agency had religious requirements we would not meet being an interfaith Jewish/Christian family.) Only one called us back and that’s the agency we chose.
The three agencies we looked at all had separate programs with different costs that were dependent on characteristics of the child – namely children with “special needs” or of African descent cost less to adopt. White kids, kids of mixed race not including black – it’s the full fee to adopt them. Black kids and kids with special needs – about half. *
(I know this isn’t new to most of the people reading Anti-Racist Parent – is’s less expensive to adopt black babies in lots of states. My friend and anti-racist parent colleague, Deesha Philyaw, has done a lot of research about this and I’m sure she’ll share some of her thoughts.)
When we approached the agency we offered to pay the full fee and take whatever baby came our way. The social workers told us that we had to choose a program and that given that we were open to “any race,” we would be placed with a black child because there were fewer waiting parents in that program.
“You may as well get the fee break,” one told us. “Because if you are open to adopting a black baby, you will get a black baby.”
The uncomfortable truth was that the fee break made a difference to our budget. My job was sketchy at that time and having a wholesale adoption would make things easier. So we moved ahead and less than a year later our daughter came home to us.
We have a fully open adoption and regular contact with our daughter’s first mom. Early on we talked about the agency and I told her about the difference in fees; this was something she didn’t know when she began working with them. It’s there on the web site but she contacted them via phone and obviously they didn’t tell her that they would charge parents less for adopting her daughter. Would it have impacted her adoption decision? It sure might have and I think they should be upfront with expectant mothers who contact them.
By the same token, our daughter will know about the fee discrepancies. I have a friend who is also an adoptive mother in a transracial adoption and who also used an agency with a racist fee structure. She says, “My child will NEVER know that our adoption cost less because of his skin color!” Her argument? Knowing will cut to the core of his self-esteem – knowing that he was less valued in the adoption baby market might make him feel that he truly does have less value.
But I can’t lie to my daughter – even by omission – and the racist fee structure is part of her adoption story. I think the key is in how we talk about it and how we respond to her questions, which is not to say that we can make her feel ok about it. Of course we can’t because it’s not ok. She shouldn’t feel ok about it but I also hope we give her the strength and insight not to personalize this institutional racism.
Adoption is rife with –isms. As an adoptive parent, the paradox is recognizing my complicity while still acknowledging my terrific gratitude for having Madison in our lives. There is so much I would have done differently but had I done it differently, Madison wouldn’t be here. I struggle with knowing how to respond now that my feelings about the choices we made have changed. And this includes using an agency with a racist fee structure. But I can’t let my discomfort with my actions keep my kid in the dark about her story. Someday she will know. Someday when we’re going through her box of memories, which includes our adoption paperwork, we will tell her the truth. It is her right. It is her story.
* Our agency moved to a sliding scale after we adopted, basing fees on the income of parents. But they switched back – I’m unsure why. I only know that one social worker told me, “It didn’t work out this way.”
Dawn Friedman is a writer and mother to two children. Her articles have appeared in Salon.com, Yoga Journal, Brain Child and the Greater Good and she is the op-ed editor at Literary Mama. She is also the founder of OpenAdoptionSupport.com and since the adoption of her daughter in 2004 has become passionate about the need for adoption reform. She blogs at this woman’s work.
Deesha, I would guess that the wait time for black infants in the DC area is linked, as you say to demographics of DC.
As a matter of perspective folks, keep in mind that the U.S is currently about 81% white, 13% Black, 4.5% Asian (depending on which of the lines you look at in Census data).
If a proportionate number of people by race are adopting, there are alot more white people adopting. People of all races will tend to adopt a child like them. This is what it is. If there are a disproportionate number of black children in the healthy infant adoption system (as in the foster system), it would make sense that the wait for black kids be shorter in whiter areas.
Some like-race adoptions may be made out of “racism” but also remember that some folks may not be able (through ignorance or situation) to raise a child of another race.
Even Foster data (AFCARS) shows a pretty good picture of willingness to adopt transracially (based on some statistical assumptions). Kids in foster care: 38% white, 32% black. Kids adopted: 45%white, 27% black. This shows a preference, certainly, but nothing so bad as some people here have mentioned.
And here are my assumtionst:
I can only assume that what may be 13% of the adopting population (Black parents) (~half of the 27% of kids adopted) are not adopting 2 kids each while the likely 80% white adoptive parents are adopting roughly 1 kid for every 2 adoptive parents.
The real cause for concern it seems is this:
there is a dreary picture of race and parental outcomes for black parents who are disproportionately losing their children into the foster care system…and are 1/3 to 1/4 less likeley to be reunified even when they receive the same job skills, services, and are not substance abusers…socioeconomic and court bias?)
oops…that figure for kids in foster care was the waiting children number and didn’t include the Hispanic category (my US population figures did include black and white Hispanics)
Dan, thanks for your insights. You wrote:
“The real cause for concern it seems is this:
there is a dreary picture of race and parental outcomes for black parents who are disproportionately losing their children into the foster care system…and are 1/3 to 1/4 less likeley to be reunified even when they receive the same job skills, services, and are not substance abusers…socioeconomic and court bias?)”
This is absolutely my primary concern. The only reason, in my opinion, that people’s willingness (or lack thereof) to adopt transracially is even part of this discussion is that it lies behind the rationale agencies give for the race-based fee structures–not because I wish to compel more people to adopt transracially.
Kathy, I totally meant to respond to this!
“Deesha, I am curious, I read a while ago that some African American children remain in foster care in order to maintain benefits for a related family member to be able to continue to care for the child. I think it was an article in the NY times. Do you have any more information on that?”
I hadn’t heard about this, but it’s interesting. Yvette, any info?
I am reminded of Yvette’s point about how as a society we shift around benefits/resources. We can fund housing, job training, and drug programs to help a mother better care for her kids–or fund foster care for a relative to care for her kids, or later fund prisons for neglected kids who fall into lives of crime. I’m oversimplifying of course (somewhat), but where and when we provide resources really does matter.
**Some like-race adoptions may be made out of “racism” but also remember that some folks may not be able (through ignorance or situation) to raise a child of another race.**
And some folks aren’t willing to admit to either reason. That’s not to say that everyone *should* be willing to adopt transracially. But sometimes, when people aren’t honest about their reasons for not doing it, black children and parents are disparaged in the process.
Dan – I think I’m misunderstanding part of your post. Can you clarify?
>If a proportionate number of people by race are adopting, there are alot more white people adopting.
I don’t know if the ratio is proportional. The perception I have (based what I read/hear/see) that the proportion of adoptive families vs. the general population is higher for whites, lower for blacks, even lower for Hispanic and Asians. But unofficial adoptions and fosterages (i.e. grandparents, aunts/uncles raising grandchildren, neices/nephews, etc.) that may be present in the black, Latino, and Asian communities are unlikely to be represented in any stats.
>People of all races will tend to adopt a child like them.
OK. But then I have problems jiving that statement with:
>it would make sense that the wait for black kids be shorter in whiter areas.
What am I missing?
>>But unofficial adoptions and fosterages (i.e. grandparents, aunts/uncles raising grandchildren, neices/nephews, etc.) that may be present in the black, Latino, and Asian communities are unlikely to be represented in any stats.
ETA: white families also have such unofficial “adoptions” of relatives, or even non-relatives, the same as other groups… but since whites are already highly represented in the adoptive parent population (whether proportional or unproportional to the gen pop)…
On wait-times for Black babies:
I wonder if Adoption-Link’s wait time is based on the fact that they deal exclusively with Black (and Black biracial) babies in the first place?
Since people go to them knowing what they will get and having already made the decision to adopt a Black child, they have a pre-sorted list of waiting parents. In an agency that does all races in adoption, they will get a lot of folks looking for a white baby–maybe that will be the bulk of their list and the Black babies are left floundering?
I have been wondering about this, because I know Adoption-Link’s wait has really gotten long in recent months–as long as some waits for healthy white infants. (It’s great, because it means those moms have more options in choosing families to place with.)
If D.C. demographics contribute to shorter waits there (and there are LOADS of children waiting in the foster system in D.C.–they don’t even have enough foster homes, let alone adoptive parents for older kids), those same demographics just aren’t true of Adoption-Link’s list. Most of their waiting families are white.
This is a little late to add to the discussion, but in case anyone’s interested, there was a special issue of _Children and Youth Services Review_ devoted to the topic of racial disproportionality in the child welfare system. It was volume 25 numbers 5/6 in 2003. The studies in this issue address disproportionality at a variety of points in the child welfare system (e.g., racial differences in reporting suspected maltreatment, substantiation of reports, likelihood of placement into foster care, length of time that children stay in foster care, and reasons for exits from the system (e.g., reunification vs. other outcomes).
On the time that prospective adoptive parents in DC wait for infants: In addition to the fact that the DC area is fairly diverse, my personal impression is that there are MANY people here who’ve delayed childbearing… resulting in very many couples experiencing infertility who are interested in adopting infants (but not older children). I agree with Shannon who (I think) was saying that that this can translate into a better scenario for infants. The greater the number of prospective adoptive parents means that not only do infants not wait for placement, but hopefully the “match” is better. I.e., there will be more of a selection of adoptive families from which birth parents can choose. But unfortunately, children in foster care (who are not infants) are still waiting.
Sharon, thanks for the heads up on that resource.
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This article makes me grateful that adoption is funded by the province in my area. I don’t know very much about the child(ren) I will receive, as I have just filed the papers. But at least I won’t have the task of explaining the difference in fees.
I have a problem with every aspect of this issue being labeled as racist. It undermines the efforts of the adoption agencies and prevents children from finding good homes.
First, the observed fact that white babies are in higher demand is not, in and of itself, racist. If the share of prospective adoptive parents is disproportionally white compared to the pool of available babies, then this is not surprising. It is not racist for a family to prefer to have a child that is their same race. As has already been discussed, children with parents of different races face more challenges. All other things being equal, it’s in the child’s best interests to be placed with a family of the same race.
Second, the discounted fee for minority babies is not racist. It’s simply a way to put children that are not as high in demand into homes more quickly. Is the goal of the agency not to put the child into as good a home as possible? If the reality is that a child of a particular race was not likely to be adopted, then why not provide incentives for a family to do so? It reduces the waiting list for white parents who have strong racial preferences for white children, reduces or eliminates the wait for parents who have no racial preference or prefer minority children, and most importantly, it increases the likelihood that a minority baby is adopted. Incentives should be created to maximize the number of babies adopted to good families. Everyone’s best interests are served, particularly the children.
Thirdly, with regards to the question about the biological mother changing her adoption decision based on the discount, it could go both ways. You assume that she might feel that her baby was “worth” less because of it and then may not put her baby up for adoption. On the other hand, if her main concern is finding a good home, then the discount improves that chance. If I were a parent giving up my child, I would hope that the adoption fee was as low as possible! In fact, I would hope that my child had no fees while all other babies had very high fees. That way, my child would be adopted as soon as possible since he/she would be in highest demand. High-quality families would be fighting over the right to adopt my child, allowing the agency to be extremely selective. In addition, the low cost enables more loving families to be able to afford to adopt, and therefore the agency can be more selective. This is a best-case scenario for the child.
I think that the sliding scale adoption fees could be counter-productive. While it’s true that lower fees allow more families to adopt, the income limit acts as a filter. To the extent that higher-income families are better able to provide financially for the child, we would want to encourage those families to adopt. That would mean charging lower fees to higher-income families. From the standpoint of the adoption agency, being “fair” to the adoptive parents is secondary to the welfare of the child. Of course, income/financial stability would be lower on the list of criteria than other family factors, such as family environment. Nonetheless, income is still an important factor.
To summarize, I think that we need to expand our thinking beyond our tendencies to view issues of race as racist. The first step is to not equate the adoption fees to the child’s value. I think everyone here would agree that the welfare of the child is the top priority. To blindly label these practices as racist undermines that goal. We must work within the confines of reality and come up with procedures that put the highest number of children into the highest-quality homes as possible. Criticizing these practices may enable us to pat ourselves on the back for being politically correct and open-minded, but it’s a disservice to the children if it results in one less adoption of a minority baby.
Did you know that the US is one of (if not the only) “1st World” countries that adopts it’s babies out to other countries? Guess what color those babies are? In Europe and England, transracial families do have the stigma that they have in America, so they do their international adoptions from us. We are in the process of our home study right now. We told the agency that we were open to a baby of any race, and she told us that the baby would be black because so few families are willing to adopt them. There is only one other waiting family right now for minority babies.
I don’t know how we will approach this with our new baby when he or she is older. I’d probably wait until they were grown to discuss the racial implications of their availability. I can’t see burdening a child with it.
The fee is lower in order to HELP not HINDER black children. I think that is an important distinction.
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I don’t think it is appropriate to tell a child that they were adopted at a discounted rate. If your daughter choses to ask about it then by all means you should inform her. But if she doesn’t bring it up you shouldn’t feel obligated to tell her.
I think in the end it could cause more hurt to her if you bring it up. Wait for her to do her research once she’s old enough and i’m sure she will approach you about it.
I personallly didn’t know about the “discounted” rates for adopting children of specific races/ethnic backgrounds, etc. Maybe one day things will be equal. But in this world, maybe not. It’s sad.
My husband and I are a mixed race couple. I am very much in touch with aspects black culture in our area. I am also in touch with history, civil rights and I am very much for empowering people of all races to be the best that they can be. With that said, many contampary issues facing black people are rooted in racism. However, when it comes to adoption I DO NOT believe the fees are racist. It is simple economics. Whether you want to admit it or not adoption of babies, unfortunately, is the act of buying and selling and therefore the rule of supply and demand applies. Now you could argue that a percentage of black people live in poverty and ingnorance because of poor education and minimal opportunities which stem from racism and old “good ‘ol boy” structures. This poverty and ignorance may lead to more black babies which effects the before mentioned “supply and demand” rule. Either way, I believe that it is wrong and malicious to call adoption agencies or their fee schedule racist.
I am adopting and was adopted. I think cost is a part of your story because the fee was a factor. If you want to be honest you should mention it to your daughter someday maybe as small mention. If you don’t want to I wouldn’t mention it because for many of us a discount was not possible and she really won’t know.
Though thinking about it from the kid perspective: I will say I think my parents did adopt me because they were impatient! They told me “we didn’t want to wait for a white baby and Asian ones were quicker”. Hmmmm… I already know my family is impatient (as I’m an adult)…and yes they are a bit racist and yes they are a bit cheap. So I am thinking reading this post – interesting as to how it relates to me. By interesting I am thinking .. figures. So I think one tiny aspect will not color a normal person’s perspective of cost and rationale. Its more how you parent and how your child feels overall. Seriously if you are the perfect family, had the perfect adoption – I seriously doubt mentioning cost will make adoptee feel bad. There’s more to it than one aspect.
I agree with SF Mother; I would not make the fee part of her adoption story. If she asks you directly when she gets older if it cost less to adopt her than it would have to adopt a white child, then by all means be truthful but initially I would keep the narrative simple, stressing the fact that you are thrilled to be her mother.
When issues like these come up I think it’s best to consider your motives. Why would you want your daughter to have the information? How will it impact her? Are you trying to present yourself in a heroic light?
Bringing up racism and discrimination at every turn can be daunting for a child and can lead her into becoming someone who is constantly in the alert for perceived racial slights where none exist.
If your daughter is confident and happy about who she is then you have served her well. Her worth as a human being is not tied to the cost of her adoption.
I was adopted and horrified that babies were even purchased at all. A nominal court fee was obvious, but what America does? Ballpark $64,000? As mentioned above, it is the buying and selling human beings. That was DEGRATING! I am white/something (guessing jewish) but I will skip the genetics lecture. How do you get the idea that grown children get our self worth from our selling price? Frankly, I just felt dirty, for sale on a slave block and in need of re-reading the 19th Amendment. The fact that I was sold at all deminshed me to a thing not a child; I was aquired like an ipad to keep up with the joneses to hide infertility shame (My worth rebounds in my mind, but it is a dirty thought to revisit). Why would I want to be sold for a high price? I prefer the euro/english solution, where the government handles the adoptions/fosters instead of private profit industries.
This seems to be news: children do not get our self worth from things! We get our self worth for how much genuine love,safety, respect, care and education we have. In short, how we are treated. How about you tell your daughter it was an unfair but nessisary part of getting the handpicked daughter you wanted and spent the money on her safe home to live in , health care and her education?
Why the need to talk about us like puppies in sale windows, paper towels on clearance or social tools to be used publicly as a political statement? Do people marry homosexually to show they are progressive,because its cheaper or becuase they want that person in their family? We blindly believe that people adopted us becuase they wanted US. Sadly, this board proves we are just things and social status cues. Which is why the children over 5 are less wanted in the market. People want a new one!
As from the child’s perspective: being adopted by your own race be it jewish, black, chinese,native american or hispanic would be a lovely opportunity, not a racist one. We have already lost our birth mothers, but to be raised in the same cultural traditions would still provide a heritage connection that many adopted/gamete donor children live painfully without.
Calling everyone without a black baby racist is not a form of spreading tolerance. Most people won’t even consider adopting a child until the IVF has failed. Raising anyone else’s begotten child requires emotionally moving the fences for most families, and yes some will still desperately want their own race if nothing else resembles them. It is bad enough our mothers did not want us, it would be nice if our adoptive parents genuinely did.
Let it remain a choice to be placed transracialy, and not reverse stimatized where couples cave in to social pressure “fashions” without addressing their own deep wants and emotional needs. After all, the author rejected working under religious contraints for what they wanted. Diversity is accepting non harmful differences in a common society. The children are unharmed, they still get placed.
Congradulations to the author on the new addition to your family (however belated).