ARP Tuesday Links

TIME magazine wonders “Should Race be a Factor in Adoption?”

Should adoption agencies discriminate by race, or even by a person’s racial sensitivity? According to current U.S. law, no. Since 1996, it has been illegal to consider race when determining whether families are suitable to raise adopted children — the law was intended to increase adoptions of black children, who are disproportionately represented in the foster care system, by making it easier for whites to take them home. But a new study suggests that approach is short-sighted. “Color-blind” adoption, the report contends, allows some white parents — who may not be mentally ready or have the appropriate social tools to parent black children — to raise youngsters, who may, in turn, experience social and psychological problems later in life.

In an interview today with NPR “News & Notes,” Aaron Stigger discusses “Growing up black in a white family.”

In “Indian Boarding Schools: Cultural Assimilation and Destruction,” Winter Rabbit, a diarist on Daily Kos, explores the legacy of Indian Boarding Schools within the Native community.The diary includes links to essays, articles and videos that deftly illustrate the enduring pain afflicted on Native American families and children by the schools, government tools to force assimilation. The piece includes this searing interview with Joanne Tall (Lakota).

Diverse magazine reports that “Latinas, Black Girls Respect, Defer to Moms Most.”

Latinas and African American girls defer to their mothers more than non-Hispanic white girls do, according to a University of Florida study.

“Within African-American and Latino families, children follow a cultural tradition that places a high value on respecting, obeying and learning from elders, and in our study they did indeed show more respect for parental authority,” said Julia Graber, a UF psychology professor.

…

When African-American and Latina girls do act up, said Graber, their mothers consider the arguments to be more intense than those reported by white mothers who clash with their daughters. The study was published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology and reported recently by the university.

…

Graber said Hispanic and Black mothers, who value strong family connections, family loyalty and extended family/social support networks, seemed to be much more upset if daughters fell short of cultural, good girl expectations.

“It may be just the kind of issue that pushes their buttons more, thinking of their daughter as no longer being the good, respectful daughter,” she said.

Hmmm…I’m tempted, like Gina at What About Our Daughters, to call BS on this one.

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Comments

BMS wrote:

I’ve been reading the whole “Should race factor in adoption?” thing lately with great sadness. I feel like I can’t win as an adoptive mom. Whatever I do, it isn’t right, it isn’t enough. Unless I have a race change operation to actually become Latino, I will never be good enough. What angers me most is that a lot of this is coming from the adoption community, who I would hope would, I dunno, occasionally support adoption in its many forms. I know that well meaning people just want adoptive parents whose children are of a different race to be prepared, to understand what they are undertaking. But it just seems like yet another hoop to jump through, another way of further punishing those who committed the sin of not having/wanting biological kids.

And I still don’t see how this new initiative is going to cause adoptive parents of color to materialize out of the woodwork in sufficient numbers to provide families to all the kids of color who need them.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 9:51 am ¶
Dahlie wrote:

I hear you BMS! I think there are enough resources and enough understanding that we don’t have to worry about a repeat of assimilation of the native american children! I married my husband because I knew that he had what it takes to raise a confident and sensitive black child and my husband is WHITE !

I’m a black woman and I continue to be “raised” by the multi-ethnic congregation of friends and family in my life. I’m relieved that my baby girl has “aunties” from Cuba and middle-white America, as well as those who share the black experience.

It’s a blessing that those with resources, who are often white, open up their lives to someone new and beautiful, yet different.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 1:58 pm ¶
Dahlie wrote:

we choose people to be in our child’s life based on what kind of example they set and how respectful they will teach her to be.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 1:59 pm ¶
BCmomtobe wrote:

I have just started my adoption process, literally. I’ve just sent my papers in this week. I do think race does need to be a consideration in adoption, but not a roadblock. Before I started reading, and attending inter-racial adoption seminars, and listening to the words of inter-racial adoptees, I was all raring to go and adopt inter-racially. I was romanticizing it, and fully admit it. I realize now that race does matter, and it is not racist to consider a child’s needs and the future implications of that placement. Adoptive parenting is different from biological parenting, not better or worse, but different nonetheless. I chose to adopt rather than have biological children. I am still very much open to adopting a child who is not white. I will neither accept nor decline a placement based on race. Reality says I am not building a designer family, or adopting to make a statement about myself. I am adopting to become a mom. As a mother, I will do everything I need to do for whatever child I parent. Whomever is placed with me will most definitely be raised in an anti-racist manner.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 3:19 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

**And I still don’t see how this new initiative is going to cause adoptive parents of color to materialize out of the woodwork in sufficient numbers to provide families to all the kids of color who need them.**

Those who have been discouraged from adopting because of racism or misinterpretation of the laws don’t need to “materialize.”

Further, others need to be recruited as the law mandates. It’s very telling that violating the part of the law about race-based placement is punishable by fines, while failing to recruit is not.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 5:56 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

**What angers me most is that a lot of this is coming from the adoption community, who I would hope would, I dunno, occasionally support adoption in its many forms. I know that well meaning people just want adoptive parents whose children are of a different race to be prepared, to understand what they are undertaking. But it just seems like yet another hoop to jump through, another way of further punishing those who committed the sin of not having/wanting biological kids.**

When adult adoptees tell us as adoptive parents what hoops they wished their parents had jumped through, and the ones they are grateful that they did jump through, I think we owe it to our adoptive children to listen. These adoptees have no vested interested in punishing anyone–especially complete strangers–but I’ve found that they are a wealth of perspective.

I am the black mother of a black child, and while everyone’s experience is different, I listen when adult adoptees speak about their needs and experiences. Just when I feel like I have covered the bases in trying to meet my adopted child’s needs where her adoption is concern, I learn something from an adult adoptee, online or in person, that I hadn’t considered, that may not even make rational sense to me because I’m not adopted–but I listen.

Parenting, adoptive or not, is tiring, and feels thankless sometimes. No rest for the weary, but the kids are worth it.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 6:06 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

**What angers me most is that a lot of this is coming from the adoption community, who I would hope would, I dunno, occasionally support adoption in its many forms.**

Supporting adoption can mean advocating for the needs of adoptive children–needs which may be taxing or otherwise disconcerting for adoptive parents.

I interviewed adult transracial adoptees for an article I wrote (as yet unpublished), and each one was an advocate/activist who counsels adoptive parents in some form or fashion. I considered their work a means of equipping parents, and in many ways it is. But what struck me was the fact that they viewed their primary objective as addressing the needs of the adoptive children.

These adoptees work with adoptive parents who seek them out; they aren’t wandering around looking for parents to pressure. For some adoptive parents, getting this kind of counseling is a form of adoption support, even when it’s difficult for them to hear what these adoptees have to say.

Whether transracial or not, adoption in many ways puts parents’ comfort level at odds with what their kids may need. It’s the price of the ticket.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 6:16 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

**I’ve been reading the whole “Should race factor in adoption?” thing lately with great sadness. I feel like I can’t win as an adoptive mom. Whatever I do, it isn’t right, it isn’t enough. Unless I have a race change operation to actually become Latino, I will never be good enough.**

BMS, I read your comment several times (along with the artilce), and still don’t really understand where you’re coming from. The article doesn’t say that a parent has to magically become the same race as the child for the child to be okay. It discusses specific outcomes (e.g., some black children expressing a desire to be white) and recommends a screening process which may help prevent these outcomes.

The article cited specific concerns faced by the children studied. It also qualified several times “some white parents.” So…what is about the article is making you, personally, feel inadequate?

Is it the article, or your own feelings of inadequacy? I don’t ask this in a mean way, not at all. I just think if you’re confident, and the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it. But if you’re not confident, and you have concerns about how adjusted your child will be, then it’s worth your delving deeper into that, on a personal and family level–rather than viewing the article or the larger adoption community as the culprit.

I’ve read articles and blogs that delve into class issues surrounding adoption. Articles that were very hard to read because I know that my daughter is with me in part because I have resources that her birth mother does not. It’s not easy to be reminded of that. It’s not easy to hear Dorothy Roberts speak about the politics of adoption.

But I know that it’s my personal “stuff” that is getting tweaked when I am made uncomfortable. Those voices and those realities need to be heard because first and foremost, they are true. And because when people truly consider the politics of adoption which include racial and socioeconomic disparities–and we legislate, provide social services, and adopt in ways which seek to dismantle these disparities–then children win. And that’s what’s important.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 6:38 pm ¶
slackermom wrote:

honestly, as someone who studied research articles and post-modern concepts about the intersection of race, class, culture and education all throughout my ph.d. program, i still want to learn more about parenting transracially. as a foster parent, i also attended specific training about transracial placements, and was grateful, since we hadn’t tackled how to do cornwrows in grad school. it doesn’t make me feel “less than” to need and want this information, it makes me more confident that i will find the resources to help my family navigate the important issues we all face.

and, as an adoptive parent, i have heard SO many quotes from colorblind adoptive parents “open to any race” who simply refuse to consider the issues surrounding transracial and cross-cultural adoptions. that simply should not happen, and the lessons from the indian boarding schools and adult adoptees let us all know why.

Posted 04 Jun 2008 at 10:19 pm ¶
justamom wrote:

slackermom wrote: “and, as an adoptive parent, i have heard SO many quotes from colorblind adoptive parents “open to any race” who simply refuse to consider the issues surrounding transracial and cross-cultural adoptions. ”

As I was reading the comments, my thoughts echoed yours. I think there should be more required training. For parents who are seeking to learn and open to self-examination, it is an opportunity for growth and contact with others. Unfortunately, I encounter many, many more adoptive parents who are adopting transracially for the wrong reasons and who are unwilling to think in depth about the issues and their own internalized and unexplored racism.

I also think that we need to understand a great deal more about WHY non-white children, black children in particular, are available for adoption in the first place. And WHY (thank you Deesha) non-white families are not actively recruited in greater numbers for adoption; why they do not trust the system, why they are more likely to open their homes and unofficially take in the children of relatives and friends.

Posted 05 Jun 2008 at 11:41 am ¶
BCmomtobe wrote:

Deesha , I love reading your posts. It’s always nice to hear from another adoptive parent, someone who has been through it already. I am just starting and it is so helpful to read about things I have not yet considered. I think it’s good for me to examine and deal with issues, whether they are comfortable or not. If it’s too uncomfortable to deal with now, what is it going to be like when my child reaches the teen years? I am also very interested in the article you wrote. Can you give me an idea where it will be when it is published?

Posted 05 Jun 2008 at 2:08 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

Thanks, BCmomtobe…

I can’t name the mag at this point, but it is national and I found out today that it will run March 2009. I’ll be tooting my horn about it, but if you send me your email address, I’ll add you to my mailing list.

Talking about talking about adoption! I tried to read a book about adoption with my daughter yesterday (nothing unusual, but it has been a while), and she immediately plugged her ears. This, after the other day when I mentioned that her classmate’s mom had been adopted as a little girl. Her response: “I don’t want to talk about that.”

She’s 4 1/2. And use to want to talk all about her adoption. She did tell me that her new name for her birth/first mom is “D-mom” (her first name starts with “d”). But other than that, she totally shut down. I said, “okay,” and we did a puzzle instead.

Of course, I’m going a little hysterical inside, wanting to pry, wanting to push. But I’m justing going to leave it alone, hard as it is.

But in the meantime, I’m hooking up with her classmate’s mom to talk about her experience as an adoptee.

Posted 05 Jun 2008 at 3:16 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

BCmomtobe:

deesha AT deeshaphilyaw DOT com

justamom:

Preach!

Posted 05 Jun 2008 at 3:26 pm ¶
SF Mom wrote:

Well, I am a white TRA, and there is no question in my mind that race should be a factor – one of several — and of course training should be required. It’s not a hoop, it’s preparation! The agency we adopted through did not offer any training for white parents adopting transracially, so we had to go out and find it ourselves, piecing it together. It would have really helped if they had had a curriculum. We’re still piecing it together to give our daughter our best. We all want to give our children our best, so why not the best racial awareness we can have? There’s nothing punishing about it. Just like I had to learn how to enforce limits and other parenting skills I did not have (and am still working on….)
It’s not an inadequacy on any one person’s part, to need to learn more about race. Our society can be so segregated, we can live our whole lives without having a clue what life is like for Americans of other races – unless we actively seek out that information, as lifelong learners.

Posted 05 Jun 2008 at 7:04 pm ¶