If I Was in Charge of Revising MEPA: Some Books for White People Adopting Black Children
by guest contributor Shannon LC Cate, crossposted from Peter’s Cross Station
After the Donaldson Institute’s report on MEPA came out, I was asked (even more than usual) “well, then, what should prospective (or current) transracial adopters do to learn how to parent their kids to honor the importance of race in their lives?”
Here’s my answer: You should take a class in African American Studies 101 at the nearest post-secondary institution offering such a thing.
I don’t think most of the Transracial Adoption Books are all that great. And when you tell me that people have to start somewhere, and these books are good introductions, I will disagree in the strongest terms. Because books that give you tips for handling public curiosity, or tips on styling a Black child’s hair are not the places to start. They are the last details, not the beginning steps.
Before you start polishing your clever one-liners to throw at curious strangers, you need to hone your double-consciousness and find out what exactly those strangers are really asking when they want to know whether your American-born Black child is from a foreign country (ie: “That’s not one of those crack babies, is it?”).
Before you learn to style hair you need to know the history of Black women in the United States, the way they have been viewed by white culture, the sexual exploitation they have been subjected to, the basic history of their ownership–or not–of their bodies and how that has affected actual lived lives. Then you need to know how hair has been woven throughout this history. You need to know A) that certain hairstyles have socio-political meanings and B) what those meanings are before you settle on a ‘do and start learning how to do it. That book is the icing, not the cake.
I have a few books I’ve put up here and there. You can find them by sorting through the on the bedside table category to the right over there. But I want to post a nice list here, of Books Shannon Thinks Every White Adoptive Parent of a Black Child Must Read at Some Point. So if you can’t take that class at the local community college in African American Studies, here is what I’d assign if I was teaching “Transracial Adoption 101.”
1. When and Where I Enter by Paula Giddings, will give you a nice overview of U.S. history through the lens of Black women’s experience. It is quite readable and a great place to discover who and what you might like to learn more about.
2. The Black Family in Slavery and Freedom by Herbert Gutman is a good background on the effects of race relations on Black families throughout U.S. history. It’s one of many places where you begin to see the groundwork for the breaking of Black families in the present day, but it’s also a complex, thoughtful response to the knee-jerk, racist analysis of the infamous Moynihan Report.
3. So with some historical knowledge under your belt, you can move on to some contemporary work on Black families and the effect of living within white supremacy. A great place to begin is Dorothy Roberts. There are two books you should read that are pertinent to this topic, but if you read only one, Shattered Bonds: The Color of Child Welfare is the one to choose, as it relates most directly to the social welfare system and adoption. The other is Killing the Black Body.
4. For more detail on how the criminal justice system specifically harms Black mothers and their children, read War on the Family: Mothers in Prison and the Families They Leave Behind by Renny Golden.
There are two adoption agencies in Chicago that do many of the transracial placements all over the country. Roberts’ and Golden’s work is in large part focused on Chicago, giving many transracial adopters an excellent opportunity to learn quite a bit about the specific forces at play in their children’s mothers’ lives that brought them to place (or have their children removed) for adoption.
5. Two transracial-adoption-specific books I do like are the narratives from adoptees themselves found in Birthmarks: Transracial Adoption in Contemporary America by Sandra Patton and
6. In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories by Rita Simon and Rhonda Roorda.
One thing that disappoints me about these books is that they draw on narratives from adult adoptees who are about my age–born between 1968 and 1972 or so–and they stop the interview process when these folks are in their early to mid-twenties.
Considering the historical moment in which these adoptions occurred, the white parents were really pretty clueless about what they were doing. They were well-intentioned white liberals who thought that if they didn’t mind raising a Black child, all was well. In other words, it was all about them and their colorblindness, rather than what a child might need or experience or feel about the situation. That was integrationist race politics the late 60’s and early 70’s.
Then, the interviewees are between about 20 and 26 when the interviews happen and their attitudes say as much about middle-class developmental patterns and how college kids feel about their families of origin as they do about transracial adoption. I’d be very interested to hear what these people would say now. I know my attitudes about my childhood have changed a lot in the last 10-15 years. How about these folks?
Read with these grains of salt, however, I find the narratives to be incredibly useful for formulating Do and Don’t lists as well as lists of things not to worry too much about because kids will be kids and they’ll hate us for something no matter how much we bend over backwards to be perfect. And that’s a good lesson for parenting under any circumstances.
So there you have six books for a core curriculum in a 12 week class on transracial adoption. In the second 12 weeks of the class, I’d have you read the following:
1.-2. Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs, read back-to-back with Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe, will position you to note some interesting differences in a white woman’s made-up story of an enslaved mother on the run and a real, enslaved, Black woman’s true version of same. Now just imagine that this phenomenon of a well-meaning white person’s view of racism and a the view of person actually experiencing racism persists throughout U.S. history to this very day. It explains a lot about reactions to various Incidents in the Campaign of Barack Obama.
3. A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass is a key text in any African American literature class. It’s a classic and Douglass is one of the most important figures in 19th century U.S. history. But again, note the difference in his experience of slavery and freeing himself, and a woman’s experience of same in Jacobs’ account, which you’ve of course, already read. Get your hands on a good collection of Douglass’s other writings/speeches too. He was a strong supporter of votes for women and Stanton and Anthony’s right-hand man until they realized that white supremacists would support them if they used racist fear-mongering, and dropped Douglass like a hot rock.
4. The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois is another classic. I’d say Du Bois is one of the foremost American philosophers, depending on your definition of philosophy. (Mine is, admittedly, unconventional.) The introduction to this book gives us both the concept of double-consciousness and the famous quote that the problem of the twentieth century will be the problem of the color line. It was and is fast becoming the twenty-first century’s problem too, or still, as the case may be. Du Bois was speaking about a global color line in his book and that part of it is certainly with us today in ways Du Bois, sadly wouldn’t have predicted, hoping as he did for a solution within a hundred years’ time.
5. Contending Forces by Pauline Hopkins is an incredible reworking, reclaiming and redemption of the “tragic mulatto” story. The tragic mulatto in this novel pulls herself up with her own brains, reinvents herself, catches a fine, upstanding, Black man, reunites with her displaced child and sails into the sunset to save the world. Plus, the heroine’s name is Sappho and there are some lovely, sublimated homoerotic scenes (albeit Victorian-style ones) in spite of the canned marriage-plot outcome.
6. I am Ida B. Wells’s biggest fan. (Selina’s middle name is Wells. I wanted to name Nat “Ida” but Cole was having none of it. I couldn’t even talk her into “Iola.”) I have already put a book by Paula Giddings at the very top of this list. So imagine my delight to find a signed, first edition of Giddings’s new biography, Ida: A Sword Among Lions: Ida B. Wells and the Campaign Against Lynching. I am about one-third of the way through it right now and loving it! If you want to understand African American history, you must understand lynching. Lynching wasn’t the only thing Wells fought, but it made her name and reputation (not always for the better) and this biography will introduce you not only to my favorite dead person of all time, but to the circumstances of her moment and how they have trickled down to ours.
If I were to bolster my reading requirements with a little film, I’d choose, Sankofa, Daughters of the Dust and Amistad (now that you are skilled at spotting white liberal back-patting and critiquing it against actual Black experience). For fun, I’d throw in The Wiz (who said musical theatre couldn’t be educational?).
Now you know enough to move on by yourself. Like fiction? Read everything Toni Morrison ever wrote. My favorite is probably Beloved but it’s hard to say. I just adore her. Science fiction/fantasy geeks will enjoy Octavia Butler’s Kindred. William Faulkner can be read after reading Morrison, but not before! Folks adore Their Eyes were watching God by Zora Neale Hurston, but I like her more straight-up anthropology work, like Mules and Men.
You’ll notice that my “moving on” list is completely biased in favor of women writers and women’s stories. It’s slanted towards the Post-Reconstruction, which is “my” period of specialization. And I know nothing about film. I’m sure there are many more great ones besides the tiny handful I mentioned. This list is all about me, me, me. And it is far from exhaustive, even with those caveats. So by all means, decide what you like and read liberally. The key, really, is to keep learning forever.
Please leave your own favorites and recommendations in the comments!
Carmen Van Kerckhove is co-founder and president of 
Jen wrote:
Not to knock the validity of the list, but I occasionally wonder whether why these sort of education efforts are strongly advised for adoptive white parents, but white parents who share genes with their African American (mixed/biracial/etc) children aren’t given such homework.
Posted 16 Jul 2008 at 12:53 pm ¶
Graig wrote:
Those are some great books, but I’d start with “Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria” by Beverly Daniel Tatum. It’s the best book I know on racial identity development. It’s particularly useful for white parents because it also examines white identity development, which could help them contrast their own experience to what their child will experience.
I’d also recommend “Uprooting Racism” by Paul Kivel because it will help parents realize how they really need to confront racism in all areas of their lives, not just parenting.
I would not recommend “The Color of Water” which was recommended to me dozens of times. My wife and I thought it provided more examples of what not to do than anything else.
Posted 16 Jul 2008 at 1:26 pm ¶
Jennifer wrote:
Ditto for me on the Beverly Tatum (she’s a fantastic writer/researcher), and I’d also add Paula Rothenberg’s edited collection WHITE PRIVILEGE, especially the essay by Peggy Macintosh “Unpacking the backpack of white privilege.”
And for anyone looking for a particular understanding of race from an Asian American perspective, let me recommend Helen Zia’s memoir ASIAN AMERICAN DREAMS, Robert Lee’s work ORIENTALS: ASIAN AMERICANS IN POPULAR CULTURE and William Wu’s book YELLOW: RACE IN AMERICA BEYOND BLACK AND WHITE.
I know many times parents who adopt children from Asian countries like China and Korea try to continue their ethnic and linguistic education in those distinctly Asian cultures, but the truth is, Chinese and Korean adopted children become Asian American adults–politicized and racialized into a situation where an understanding of racism and white privilege would be just as valuable as using chop sticks or learning mandarin.
Posted 16 Jul 2008 at 6:12 pm ¶
shannon wrote:
Jen, I agree there’s plenty of irony in that. I’d also add that basically, any “anti-racist parent” raising children of any race could benefit from these books.
Posted 16 Jul 2008 at 8:11 pm ¶
marian wrote:
Interesting that we’re talking only about the intellectual pursuit of reading books, without mentioning direct involvement in black community as one means of understanding.
In my experience, “what exactly those strangers are really asking when they want to know whether your American-born Black child is from a foreign country,” is going to vary greatly by stranger. Every single person, regardless of color, is going to have their own bias, agenda, or reason for asking. If you want to engage in the conversation, a question response such as, “Oh, why do you ask?” is absolutely necessary. Your decision will likely be on trial, and it’s good to know what angle your interrogator is coming from at the outset.
One’s pleased and approving if your child is American-born (Take care of Americans first! People who adopt internationally just think American black children aren’t good enough– they’re racist. ). Another might be appalled if they are American-born (The crack baby stereotype mentioned– I have never encountered this response,btw– or “You’re stealing one of OURS,” perhaps based on experience with a racist child welfare decision, perhaps just out of general racism.
Anyway, that’s all beside the main point of the post, isn’t it? Thanks for the list.
Posted 16 Jul 2008 at 8:29 pm ¶
Susanna wrote:
Great list. I have not parented transracially, but have multiracial roots. I would strongly recommend that parents-to-be immerse themselves in an environment where they are the minority (church, school, group). It is eye-opening to truly experience life from a different perspective than many white Americans have done, and nothing builds understanding like personal experience.
Posted 16 Jul 2008 at 8:54 pm ¶
Atena wrote:
Second that on ‘The Color of Water,’ Graig. It’s not a bad book – a reasonably compelling story, actually – but I think people often end up taking it to be instructive when really, it should just be informative. Similar to the ‘I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla’ book. People are excited because it exists and is written in a friendly, non-threatening tone. But its lack of critical consideration of current information of child development + prejudice and racial identity renders it much less useful.
As this article shows, there’s a world of resources out there, so never settle – and certainly don’t stop at the first thing you find. Thank heaven for resources like this website!
Posted 16 Jul 2008 at 11:25 pm ¶
Duffy wrote:
Oh my gosh, thank you. My husband and I are currently waiting to adopt, and I have been vastly disappointed with the books that are available. The only one I have read so far that I found helpful was not on adoption, but race identification, I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla.
Posted 17 Jul 2008 at 4:34 am ¶
Duffy wrote:
Sorry, I also wanted to add but hit send too early. I really appreciate the fiction titles. I am a fantasy nut and have been looking through the stacks for some AA centric books. Did anyone see The Daily Show on Tuesday? The guest was an author named Andrew Ward who has compiled a book called The Slaves’ War. It contains first person accounts of the Civil War through black civilians. It looked really interesting.
I will definitely be off to the bookstore today.
Posted 17 Jul 2008 at 4:37 am ¶
lxy wrote:
Add _The Bluest Eye_ to the list as a good book about identity development.
Posted 17 Jul 2008 at 8:24 am ¶
Kay wrote:
We are the grateful parents of a recently adopted Ethiopian toddler. I very much appreciate the list of resources.
Can you help me with some questions I’ve been wrestling with? I plan to educate my son about African American history, identity development, and current issues because I’m guessing that he will be seen as –and identify as — an African American first and Ethiopian second, especially since we do not have an Ethiopian community to speak of where we live. Of course we will celebrate his Ethiopian heritage as well. Do you have any suggestions for balancing the two? Am I even on the right track? Help?
Posted 17 Jul 2008 at 8:57 am ¶
atlasien wrote:
I loved the Color of Water. It’s a memoir, and a very good one. I don’t quite understand how it got slotted into the category of how-to manual for white parents. McBride’s family is flawed, fascinating, brave and unconventional… it was a great account of race, family and American history.
Posted 17 Jul 2008 at 10:18 am ¶
atlasien wrote:
Also, as a side note, the thing that also fascinated me about McBride’s mother is that she was not raised as white at all… she was socialized around black people in an era when Orthodox Jews were not extended white privilege. But then she grew into a place in American history when she was white. Her black son, the author, also grows up without a firm, fixed sense of racial identity and has to navigate his own way. I think this makes him very sensitive and nuanced in his portrayal of how his mother must have experienced race. The back and forth in racial identity between mother and son — how each of their identities helps define the other — is what makes the book such a good read.
Posted 17 Jul 2008 at 10:29 am ¶
Atena wrote:
@ atlasien – I imagine what can happen is that someone fairly new to multiculturally-themed literature who is looking for a resource is told about a great book that they have to read. The Color of Water is non-fiction, and at the end, it describes how successful the children in this family turned out to be. It would be easy for someone to say, “Well, they turned out all right – maybe I should take some notes…” Especially if they are lacking other points of reference for raising black children in America.
Whether it’s meant to be instructive or not, we take lessons from each other’s lives automatically.
Posted 18 Jul 2008 at 4:40 am ¶
atlasien wrote:
I’ll stop belaboring that point after this, but that’s certainly not the impression I got from “The Color of Water”: that the kids were successful because of what the white mother did, or conversely, that the kids somehow failed because of what the mother did. I don’t think racial identity in any family is that easy to grade or predict.
Reading the book in terms of “what should or shouldn’t she have done” is just so alien to me. She did what she did; she was what she was. Then again, I read it primarily from the point of view of a multiracial person who also experienced race in a much different way than my parents experienced race.
I don’t want to be too much of a fatalist here, but there are so many factors beyond the control of parents when it comes to racial identity. The historical period, the media, the social environment… I think the book is a good reminder that we are all products of our times and have less control than we like to think.
Posted 18 Jul 2008 at 9:32 am ¶
azeezah wrote:
I was very pleased to read this posting because truly white people who adopt children of colour have to know history, literature, culture, and a whole lot more about black (and other) identity issues. This is not superficial knowledge but will take a lot of reading, a lot of coursework, a lot of thought and discussion. However, I agree with the comment which asked about community involvement. Why is anyone adopting a child of colour if they are not already deeply involved in anti-racism work? And being involved in anti-racism work means already having this sort of knowledge. When you are thinking of adopting a child of colour is far too late to get involved in anti-racism work. This should already be one of our main activities in life if you are really committed to being a decent parent to a child of colour. As someone involved in anti-racism work, let me tell you that our numbers are small. Why aren’t these adoptive parents working alongside us?????
Posted 19 Jul 2008 at 8:04 am ¶
Perdita wrote:
I’d definitely also recommend books written by contemporary poets and authors, whom you can even take your child to meet at a reading or booksigning (how inspiring is that?). (I just got a book signed to my son from Samuel L. Delaney–can’t wait to give it to him when he’s a little older.)
I’m also curious if anyone’s read Jaiya John’s Black Baby White Hands?
Posted 21 Jul 2008 at 2:31 pm ¶
Jae Ran wrote:
I would like to add a few more titles for the bookshelf, especially if you are adopting a child from Asia
The First R: How Children Learn Race and Racism by Debra Van Ausdale and Joe R. Feagin
Outsiders Within: Writing on Transracial Adoption edited by Jane Jeong Trenka, Julia Chinyere Opara and Sun Yung Shin
Beyond Good Intentions by Cheri Register (international adoption focus)
Yellow: Race in America Beyond Black and White by Frank Wu
Posted 21 Jul 2008 at 2:49 pm ¶
Sylvie wrote:
GREAT list. I am an African American parent of an African American child and I know I could benefit from adding quite a few of these to my reading list. I think it is a great list and will pass it on to transracial adoptive parents in my circle.
Posted 21 Jul 2008 at 6:01 pm ¶
Shannon wrote:
azeezah said:
“Why is anyone adopting a child of colour if they are not already deeply involved in anti-racism work? And being involved in anti-racism work means already having this sort of knowledge. When you are thinking of adopting a child of colour is far too late to get involved in anti-racism work. ”
Good questions, but the fact is, white people ARE adopting children of color. And many people say “love has no color, race doesn’t matter.”
My hope is to move these people from that way of thinking to anti-racist ways of thinking. That’s the point of the list. Whether or not all transracial adopters “should” already know this, the fact is, they don’t. Part of my own work in anti-racism is trying to change that.
Posted 21 Jul 2008 at 9:22 pm ¶
Ariah Fine wrote:
Thanks for the list. We’ve just begun the adoption process and are trying to have a solid reading list.
Your right on about the community piece as well.
Posted 21 Jul 2008 at 9:43 pm ¶
Sylvie wrote:
This is list is great and I plan to add some of these that I have never read to my reading list. I wanted to add 2 of my favorites. The Wealth of Family by Thomas Brooks and The Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother.
I thought secret thoughts was a great book, although I am African American and adopted an African American child it was one of the 1st books I read about adoption and I loved her real honest account of the issues she faced.
The Wealth of Family is a WONDERFUL book about a bi-racial boy’s journey to find his birth family and the relationship that emerged between he and his white birth mother and his father’s family in Africa.
Posted 22 Jul 2008 at 11:15 am ¶
Beth wrote:
My husband and I are researching the possibility of adopting an african american baby. We are both white. My heart goes out to Ethiopia where I originally considered adopting from but all of the sudden it occurred to me that there are precious babies right here that need a mommy just as much! (We will be older parents…we have grown children and some jr highers at home!)I guess I grew up thinking that racisim is just stupid. I have taught my own biological kids equality of races and opened them up to other cultures, races, etc. I’m really surprised at people’s reactions when we have discussed the possibility of either adopting outside our own race or from a foreign country. I’ve had a relative tell me to “leave it to the missionaries…” (when we brought up Ethiopia. ) Some comments have just been hurtful and I was so angry…and my feelings were hurt for that precious little one that we will hopefully have in our home some day. My husband tells me that I have to be ready for these ignorant comments. I just don’t understand how people can be so…well…stupid. Fortunately for us and our future child…Lord willing…we are not very close to those racist individuals in our families and will not allow those comments to affect our decision. I will certainly start reading the books you suggested. I guess just loving that baby ALREADY with all my heart won’t be enough.
Posted 07 Aug 2008 at 12:55 pm ¶