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I adopted my daughter from China. I had a difference of opinion with my sister in law.
She says I should choose “Chinese” when identifying her ethnicity
I think if it’s a choice, I should choose Asian American, or Chinese American.
I know my daughter will choose for herself when she is able, but what about now?
am i ignorant about this?
The church I attend and its denomination are mainly, if not overwhelmingly, white. While I love much about the church I am concerned about the lack of diversity and its impact on my children. This is of particular concern as the sunday school has no POC teachers. The school itself is rather diverse as a result of international adoption. So it is not only my childre that are affected. I also think the lack of diversity does a disservice to the non-minority children as is shows a disconnect between our faith principles and our actions within the church.
My questions is how do we provide some sense of diverstiy with out asking the 10-15 POC at the church to always be in the school. They are already very active in other important areas of governance. I am on the sunday school council and am always asked what my suggestions are to resolve this problem, but I don’t have any. Also part of me is PO’d that it is always implied that I alone need to find a solution.
I should also say that there is a much more diverse congregation in a nearby city, but I have always resisted attending as it is not in my community and for me community is a big part of the point of attending church.
i love the gratuitous cute kid pics, keep them comming. the kids are always cute, their parents should think about entering them in the cutekid contest!
I’m a white single adoptive mother of two african american daughters, ages 2 and 3. They have each been with me since birth, and there is no question in their minds that we are a family.
When we are out if we chat with strangers, the question is frequently asked “are they sisters?” I know what the questioner means is “are they biological sisters?” They are not. I usually say either “yes, through adoption” or “not biological.”.
Is there a better answer? I know the question is fairly rude, but it is usually posed in a friendly way, so I am not inclined to say, “why do you ask?” but should I be saying that, or something like it?
Anne, I would say something kind of snappy like “Of course they are sisters! I’m mom to both of them.”
Just read this article on yahoo news..
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080925/ennew_afp/usfilmentertainmentpeople
and while I am a HUGE Johnny Depp fan, I credit the things I have learned from this site to immediately bring to mind the question — why is Depp going to play Tonto? I’m sure if Hollywood looked hard enough they could find a talented First American actor to play that role (or barring that an actor of color?)
Of course, Hollywood might not be thinking of anything other than getting Depp’s name on the billboard (and he IS talented) but wouldn’t it be better to give the role to a POC?
Anne – the question might be, what would you say if you and your children appeared to be the same race? A former coworker and her sister were both adopted, and looked nothing alike, really, but noone would question them because they and their parents were the same race.
The other question to ask yourself as an adoptive parent and a TRA parent is how much of your daughters’ stories are yours to tell. Even the friendliest questions could be seen as personally intrusive as your daughters grow older (I’m assuming they’re still small).
How does one counter the “example” argument that people use to claim they are not really racists. For instance – people say, I’m not racist against black people, I just don’t like people who act, dress, or talk a certain way. It has nothing to do with race – I love Micheal Jordan and hate Eminem.
How does one convince folks like this that being racists isn’t just about hating every single POC they encounter?
Anne,
I would just say yes and leave it at that. Then I would change the subject so they don’t go on to more intrusive questions. Most people don’t mean to be intrusive, they are just curious, but it can be uncomfortable for the kids. So I just lead the conversation away. As my daughter got older (now 7 ) she was able to let me know her discomfort with strangers asking questions about her. It brings up feelings for her that she might not be ready for in that moment. So now I don’t entertain any personal questions, but I stay nice, because most of the time the questioners don’t mean to be rude. What I have learned is, I don’t owe any one any piece of her history, no matter how big or small.
@tlday13,
Johnny Depp is part Cherokee, but I’m sure that Tonto wasn’t! I’m kind of surprised that Depp would even consider this role — he gave me the impression that he would have more sensitivity than that. Why can’t Jerry Bruckheimer do for a Native American actor that he did for Will Smith in “Bad Boys” or Eddie Murphy in “Beverly Hills Cop” — make him a big star?
And how will Tonto be portrayed in this movie? I’m wincing at the thought of pidgin English…
Hi Stephanie,
I have exactly the same problem in my church and denomination. My major comment is that you can begin espousing anti-racism and multiculturalism before you have a large POC population—in fact, it is probably a necessity. I don’t know which denomination you are affiliated with, but mine (Unitarian Universalism) has curricula for children that teach about different cultures and races. White people need to be educated—the minister can help here—about what it means to be truly diverse; it’s not just about having a few token dark faces to make everyone feel better. I don’t deny that it’s valuable for kids to have teachers who are POC, but you can’t depend on those 10-15 people to take full responsibility; nor should it be assumed that having a few POC teachers solves the problem. Teaching and promoting diversity is a job for EVERYONE.
CJs Dad,
I don’t know if you can ever convince anyone that their beliefs are “racist” or that they, themselves, are “racist.” In fact, in my personal experience, this always devolves into a losing, defensive battle.
What could, potentially, be helpful is to talk about white privilege, which I feel is also part and parcel of understanding the legacy of institutional racism.
And perhaps deflecting charges of racism on a personal level and talking about systemic inequalities related to the legacy of racism and a culture of white privilege may be a way to get people to start to understand how their “whiteness” allows them to make certain claims.
One of the things that I like to do in my classes is to take the racial group Asian Americans and point out to my students that this is, ostensibly, a minority race that has “made it” in America in terms of education and economic success. Yet even if we buy into the model minority myth, even if we agree that Asians in America are a privielged minority, why is it that there is a vast underrepresentation of Asian Americans in the media (and martial arts films and Jackie Chan don’t count–those are ASIAN and largely stereotypes). Why aren’t there more CEO’s of companies who are Asian American? Why aren’t there more Asian American political figures? And at the very least, if Asian Americans are the super brainy people we think they are, how come they aren’t dominating the field of higher education in terms of the professoriat, deanships, and presidents/chancellors of universities?
Asian Americans like other non-white racial groups are still subject to a legacy of racism and not subject to white privilege.
So perhaps getting colleagues/friends to understand that even the most privileged racial group has a big glass ceiling to bump up against may be a way to initiate dialogue about the way that race/racism operates in this country (and Peggy McIntosh has a great essay on this called UNPACKING THE INVISIBLE KNAPSACK OF WHITE PRIVILEGE.
Has New Demographic commented on this yet?
http://digg.com/politics/Racism_is_alive_and_well_in_the_Red_heart_of_USA?t=18773559#c18773559
It begins:
“How racism works:
What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review? What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?”
Or, maybe there’s no point in commenting since once you think about it it’s all kind of obvious? Or maybe it’s not.
Today, we had our first negative reaction toward adopting a child from Ethiopia. A man told us that we needed white children, not black. We adopted a daughter from China a few years ago, so dh pointed out that she wasn’t white and that she is pretty great, and then said our next child will be great, too. The man responded, “Well, she looks white.” Dh responded by saying that she is not white, she is Chinese. What and idiot!
I’m just wondering how they view the Asian vote in this upcoming election. Any news?
I have been trying to put together some material for my son’s preschool about American Indians based on the previous posts at Anti-racist parent about the incorrect teachings regarding Thanksgiving. First, I feel I am the most unqualified person to be doing this with my backpack of white privlage I have carried all my life and my utter and complete lack of information about American Indians (due to my lack of education on the subject), who am I to be the spokesperson on what it right and what is wrong. When I tell people of my intentions I get perplexed looks from most other moms and my husband is just enjoying pointing out the flaws in my research. I feel like I am completely alone in this with no support from friends or family. So far, I have some recommended books, I have printed out the Thanksgiving 101 from the links here and we just attended a Pow Wow this weekend that gave me some great information for craft and food ideas. Has anyone ever thought of doing a monthly dinner in some of the major cities where parents can get together at a resturant and discuss challenges and resources?
@ papa2hapa: I just came across the awesome YouTube video (probably not originally for YouTube, but like everything, it has gained popularity through there) with Obama’s half sister (shared mom) encouraging the API community to support Barack Obama. Now, Obama had my vote already, but I thought it was so great to see that there is care and concern for the API vote. You can YouTube her name: Dr. Maya Soetoro-Ng and will come up with lots of her activism in the API community for Obama.
Other than her video, I haven’t seen anything else. Though, admittedly, I’m not exactly scouring the internet looking for pro-McCain anything.
@ Jennifer and CJSDad:
I definitely have been pushing to have more conversations about White Privilege where I work. It seems the community has hit that “yup-okay-we-know-about-diversity” plateau where many think they already “get it” (far from true, of course). So, the new focus is on intentional and honest opportunities to explore white privilege.
For some, it’ll be that, “Oh snap!” wake up call. For others, it’ll be a “been there, done that” response. But, for our community, white privilege hasn’t really been talked about in a deep way. So, that’s the direction we’re taking it in for a while. Hopefully that’ll move the diversity conversation in a different way, especially given that I work in a predominantly white environment.