Dear Anti-Racist Parent,
I am a white w
oman and I work at an afterschool program with mostly black and biracial kids. I
notice that often times the children will tease each other for having white or ‘mixed parents.’ It bothers me and I do the best I can to address it to the children. But I was hoping you had some ideas on the right things to say so that they understand? I have a hard time with this; and I could use a little advice. Will you help me out?
Megan P.
From the Editor:
I think too often children absorb that it is wrong to make fun of brown people because of their race, but not the more important lesson that it is wrong to make fun of ANYONE for their race or perceived difference. This may be a teaching moment that allows you to send the (age-appropriate) message that you aren’t about justice if you aren’t about justice for all.
You say that most of the students in your afterschool program are children of color. I think that may give them a frame of reference for how hurtful it can be to be teased because of race. Why not lead a discussion with the class about racial teasing? Try to extract personal experiences. The goal is dialogue. Part of the conversation should highlight how this sort of teasing is hurtful to EVERYONE. (Now, I am assuming that the afterschool program will feel like a safe space for kids to discuss these things, and that this is appropriate given the program. I could be wrong.)
I also think that it is important that you not let racial teasing go unaddressed when it occurs. It is important to stop the conversation, correct the child who is teasing and perhaps help him or her dissect what is really being said.
Readers?
The worst thing you can do is not say anything about it. On the other hand, what you can do is probably going to be limited based on the age level of the kids and what their parents will accept.
When I was a kid, the Indian girls on the opposing basketball team called us honkies and talked about how they were going to beat us up. Indian kids who acted too white or had white relatives were occasionally called “apples.” The Indian kids probably took their share of verbal abuse from the white kids. I don’t remember the coach or parents saying anything about it or talking about incidents like that in the context of race other than to scold any kid who acted up in their presence for bad behavior.
As a result, I absorbed a couple of messages: talking about race is impolite and was something we could not do. As a kid, I was also physically afraid of a lot of the Indian kids I knew and also somewhat disdainful of them, though I knew it was also something I couldn’t talk about. Many of those kids came from horrible family backgrounds and acted badly (stealing, fighting, having sex too young, using drugs or alcohol) as a result. I would guess they viewed us as spoiled white kids with more money and more advantages than they had and the verbal taunts were retaliation. It was probably a major threat to those kids when kids they perceived as like them “acted white” or tried to do well in school, etc. I don’t know if that’s the kind of situation you’re dealing with in class with the kids who are calling the mixed race kids names, but I wonder if they’re trying to take them down a peg or two because of some insecurity or problems in their own lives.
That name-calling about race or anything else is inappropriate is a given, but I’d hope that at some point an adult talks to all the kids involved about whatever else is going on that makes them want to make fun of these mixed race kids. The name calling can have as negative an impact on white and mixed race kids — including on their own attitudes as adults to issues like this one — as racism has on black or Indian kids.
I think that it might be good to indirectly confront some of these tolerance issues with activites – including reading books that promote tolerance through stories, which may allow the kids to think about this. I’m not sure how old the kids are but maybe a couple of suggestions would be:
Chicken Sunday by Patricia Polacco
The Revealers by Doug Wilhelm
Skin Again by Bell Hooks
Let’s Talk About Race by Julius Lester
Say Something by Peggy Moss
I think books are a good place to start. I also think that artwork and creativity are great ways for kids to work this kind of stuff out. I think that when we tell them that what they are saying is “not nice,” they learn not to say it anymore, but that doesn’t take it out of their consciousness, it just pushes it deeper in. Maybe having the kids do some adlib acting or storytelling could work out some of these issues in a format that would be more conducive – if they were allowed to say what they were really thinking and discuss it in an open forum with you as a facilitator.
I definitely think that these feelings need to be brought out into the open and not repressed – but that can be really tricky to do.
I agree with Bex on the book suggestions.
I used to work for a before school/ off track program for k-4th and we had basic rules we wrote on a poster board to hang in the central room. We (staff) sat down with the kids and asked them to add their own rules to our basic program rules.
Having the kids help make the rules ensure that they know the rules and opens up the way to discussing the rules and behavior.
Also, the Golden Rule is a great rule to point out when kids are teasing/ picking at each other. I suggest making sure its on the rule list if you make one.
Talk with your co-workers and supervisor for suggestions also. Communication between staff is always important and makes the other staff aware of how the kids are being with each other.
I meant to add that pointing out the Golden Rule opens up the way to “correct the child who is teasing and perhaps help him or her dissect what is really being said.”
Bex,
Thanks for recommending some books, I’ll have to check those out.
I didn’t write this question but I can it weighs on my mind – my son is biracial, my step-sons are Black, and I often wonder what kind of crap they are going to have to take from other kids because of their white momma/step-mom. It hasn’t happened yet, but I know it will.
The only thing I am sure of at this point is that when that time comes the only thing that could be worse than me saying the wrong thing would be me saying nothing.