UPDATED
The blog Our Life offers a powerful post on “Racial Hierarchy in the Adoption World”:
The reality is however, that whether or not you adopt an African or AA child, the racism you are so afraid of still exists in our country. And it’s still wrong. If you are not willing to confront it for your potential child, then I’m guessing you are not willing to confront it at all. I think many white people prefer to pretend racism no longer exists. They claim to be “color-blind” and act shocked whenever a racial hate-crime appears on the news. They don’t want to acknowledge their white privilege and can’t seem to wrap their minds around the question ofwhy so many African Americans continue to struggle when “things are way different these days”. Adopting a black child is scary because it would force you to come face-to-face with the racism in your country, your state, your neighborhood, your family, and yourself. Read more…
Altasien’s new post on Racialicious is a must-read:
There was one Latino boy I’d seen around (when I say one Latino boy, I mean probably the only Latino boy in the school). I had an idea we might have something in common. I imagined that he was also accused of not being an American. We never talked until one day. He ran past me, by the field, and ching-chonged me. I flew into a rage and chased after him, screaming “How can you say that to me? Look at yourself in the mirror! LOOK AT YOURSELF!” He laughed nervously and kept running. I felt devastated. He’d failed even the low standard I had for the white boy nerds. He should have stayed still and listened to me but he just kept running. Maybe if I found the right words one day…
I’d given up trying to persuade people to leave me alone. I just had to take each day at a time, and survive. I didn’t have much hope left in humanity. I used to lie in bed staring out the window hoping that aliens would abduct me so I wouldn’t have to go to school the next day.
They still hadn’t managed to destroy all my self-confidence. I was still proud of my family and where I came from. I was just never able to find the words to explain to my family what I was going through.
Neither my Japanese father nor white American mother had any frame of reference for it. With my dad, if I started complaining about any issue at all, he would cut me off and talk about his hard life growing up. He was a war orphan, adopted into a village high in the mountains. Life was tough all over. Their diet was protein-poor; when they got fish, they would grind the bones to make a powder and put the powder in soup. He was the first person in his clan to go to college. To get to school, the kids had to walk for miles over a snowy mountain pass, ringing bells the whole time to scare off the bears that would otherwise attack and eat them. I learned all this stuff by heart. As practical advice, it was rather incoherent. It did, however, instill a sense of pride and toughness. Sometimes I thought to myself, at least the kids in the hallway aren’t as bad as the bears in the Japanese mountains.
My mom seemed just as incapable of understanding my problems. She gave me more advice than my dad, but none of it worked. “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Didn’t work. “Ignore them and they’ll stop”. That didn’t work either. They just took it for weakness. She told me they were petty people and I was morally superior. I knew that already, though. It didn’t help. Read more…
The first one makes me really quite angry, actually. The notion that there is something inferior and indicative of racism in adopting an Asian child rather than an African-American child is, in my opinion, offensive twaddle.
I was hoping to get some clarity on what is coming across to me like mixed messages. My wife and I are both white. We adopted our first son domestically. He is Puerto Rican, though many people assume he is African American. We adopted our second son from Guatemala.
We do every we can to make sure they are educated, part of and proud of the ethnicity. So, I am glad that I came across this site and use it as a resource to help me prepare and think about the challenges that our sons are going to face. But posts in the last week, I must admit, have me confused.
Last week a post titled, “Kids of color in white families….” seemed to criticize white people for adopting African American children. This post now seems to be criticizing white people for NOT adopting African American children. Which is it? Am I over-simplifying the issue?
I understand that racism will not be defeated by sweeping it under the rug and just claiming to be color-blind. It won’t go away by ignoring it. Just in the last 24 hours, a report said that a couple was upset that a supermarket wouldn’t put their child’s name on his birthday cake. The child’s name is “Adolf Hitler”. This couple is from my home state. And last night on NBC’s newest reality show, “Momma’s Boy”, a mother recorded on videotape what she type of girl she wanted for her child. She did not want black, Asian, Jewish, tall or fat girls. She wants a petite, white girl who will cook and do what she is told.
So, ignorance, racism and prejudice are still alive and kicking and I know one of the best tools is education and continued conversation. I just didn’t understand where ARP was trying to take a stand on white couples who are willing and interested in transracial adoption.
I know it won’t be solved by one post on an blog, but it can help keep the dialogue going.
Last week a post titled, “Kids of color in white families….” seemed to criticize white people for adopting African American children. This post now seems to be criticizing white people for NOT adopting African American children. Which is it? Am I over-simplifying the issue?
Hi, RSH:
Here’s my take on it. I don’t believe the authors of either article made blanket recommendations or proclamations about all white people adopting black children.
I don’t believe the “Kids of color in white families…” article criticized white people for adopting black children. The criticism was reserved for that subset of white adoptive parents of black children who refuse to confront the reality of racism, their own racism, and/or refuse to even acknowledge their child’s blackness or its relevance in a society in which racism exists.
Also, I don’t believe the second article criticizes white people for NOT adopting black children. I believe it criticizes the racial hierarchy that exists in transracial adoption such that black children are the “least desirable” adoptees among children of color. From the article:
There is a hierarchy in the world of adoption that is clearly based on skin color. Social workers are well aware of the fact that it is easier to place light-skinned children than dark skinned children. Some parents even say they would accept a biracial child but not a child who is 100% black. How sick is that? I agree that adoptive parents need to be honest with their social workers, but I would prefer if they wouldn’t sugar coat it by saying that raising an African American child is something they “just can’t handle” and acknowledge the racism that is clearly a part of the decision making process.
The author’s intentions are clarified further in the following paragraph from the article:
I DO NOT believe that everybody should adopt an African American or African child. On the contrary,I think that these children deserve to be adopted by parents thrilled with the opportunity to parent them, who are committed to providing them with tons of exposure to their culture and lots of mentors and role models of their own race.
What I DO believe is that the racism behind this hierarchy in the adoption world needs to be acknowledged. I feel like that’s the first step towards healing and racial reconciliation. Simply acknowledging that despite ‘good-intentions’, we are guilty of prejudice is hard but so very important.
As for ARP taking a stand on transracial adoption, I can’t say that I’ve seen where the site has (or should) take a stand. We are a collective of columnists with disparate opinions and experiences (or none at all) about transracial adoption. What we have in common is the furtherance of an anti-racist agenda in our parenting and a desire to promote that agenda to others.
RSH,
Out intent isn’t to criticize white parents who adopt transracially.
This blog is devoted to exploring race bias and its effects on children and families, and to teaching parents how to build anti-racist spaces for their children.
We weigh a lot of issues , including transracial adoption. Our goal is not to discourage, but to identify challenges and hopefully offer solutions. We may look at the biases that can be part of transracial adoption or share the positive and negative experiences of interracial adoptees. I want this to be a safe space for honest talk. It may sting a little (or a lot), but we’re all going to have to be frank if we are to create an anti-racist world.
So, for instance…
Black children are stigmatized in domestic adoptions. This is a place to examine the reasons why and to do so in a real way. Readers–white or otherwise–who have made the decision not to adopt a black child or to adopt black children internationally should not feel defensive about their family decisions. That is not the point. The point is for us ALL to examine the biases in our society and how they affect these children, and, again, to find solutions to the problem.
Tami,
Thanks for the response. That helps me read it in the correct frame of mind. My sons are the most beautiful creatures on the earth to me (besides my wife). We are doing our best to prepare ourselves and them for any bias that they are going to face, but of course, we won’t have that same first hand experience that they would. ( The closest I came to it was when I had long hair as a teenager. The day after I cut it off, I was told I looked smarter. Though that doesn’t even come close to being a victim of racism, it does stick with me to remind me how people judge other people.)
So, I do appreciate this blog and the many discussions that I read on here. I read it every day and share many articles on Facebook, but this was my first post. I appreciate the message that “color-blindness” and the “sticks and stones” rhymes are not suitable ways to deal with it.
Thanks again for your response. I look forward to joining the conversation some more.
As a white parent of African American children, I really appreciate this website, and the fact that differing perspectives are presented. I enjoyed the article last week about “Kids of Color in White Families”, and even though there were parts that I disagreed with, I thought it was an important issue to read. I really appreciate the above post, too. I didn’t hear any indictment for those adopting other races, just a query as to the racial preference that is so prevalent in adoption. All important issues to be aware of. Keep it coming!