What’s on your mind?
Here’s what reader Ryan M. is thinking about:
The other night I was reading with my 2-year-old daughter Rasine when I came to a page in a copy of Babybug that featured children of several ethnicities and races standing with some stuffed animals. I’m white and my wife was born in Vietnam and came here when she was just a little bit older than Rasine. We’re both doing our best to raise her in an anti-racist environment.
When we got to the page with the drawings of children, it got me to thinking: how does Rasine, at only two years old, identify herself? So out of curiosity, I asked her, “Rasine, which of these children do you look like?” Her finger hovered over the page for a moment. She drifted away from the Asian child in the picture and looked like she was heading toward the white child. While her finger landed near the white child, it didn’t land on the white child.
It landed on the pink kitty cat next to the while child.
Does this mean we’re doing a good job of raising an anti-racist child as well as an anti-speciesist child?
I think it means you have a two year old.
How cute. Researchers say that children start to recognize physical differences between the ages of 3 and 4, so right now she’s probably just pointing to the thing that is the cutest, because that’s how she feels about herself.
Ryan, that is such a wonderful story! My husband’s convinced that the best kids’ movies are those that feature animals, since they tend to be less racist and sexist.
What’s on my mind right this second is an experience I just had tonight at the clinic where I volunteer. It’s one of the few places I feel free of racism (except that people frequently don’t believe that an Asian woman is indeed a Spanish interpreter) . And yet tonight, I got into a conversation with an Asian male who started laying on the stereotypes about women not being able to handle computer science and engineering. I, a specialized software engineer with a Ph.D. in physics, went at him—probably to no avail—and afterwards I just felt so drained. I’m so tired of fighting. I spent my teens defending my atheism in the Bible Belt town where I grew up. I spent my twenties fighting sexism in the fields of science and engineering I studied. I’m spending my thirties fighting racism in my community and church.
I have heard over and over, and understand intellectually, that I need to take care of myself, and maybe that means choosing my battles. But I just can’t seem to let such remarks go unchallenged. If I do, I feel like I’m committing the crime of silence that I condemn so much in others. What I want, perhaps what I need, is to believe that there are others for whom speaking up is a necessity. But that’s out of my control, so the key is to change my own thinking about what I need to do. I just don’t know how.
I know I rant about my anger and frustration on at least half the Open Threads on ARP, so I apologize to anyone who’s sick of hearing from me. I just feel like this is one of the few places where I can actually find empathy and support.
Just listening now to a really interesting podcast (WYNC RadioLab) about the scientific basis behind race. Or more accurately, the lack thereof. Very interesting stuff (with special guest appearance by Malcolm Gladwell). The URL is http://blogs.wnyc.org/radiolab/2008/12/16/race/
Oh, and on the Dutch Black Pete think, I scanned in an article from the local supermarket magazine: http://www.vandivere.net/temp/Piet.pdf. Very classy!
I think the first comment said it best. That is a very cute story. I am sure you are doing a great job, but your work is just beginning.
PureGracefulTree –
I relate to your frustrations. Speaking out against racism and sexism is draining because it is literally a job that is never done, and a fight where you feel like very few battles are won. From all of my frustrations I have learned that it is not the result that really matters but the fact that we keep on fighting, no matter how hopeless things seems. Most of the greatest soldiers in this battle did not live to see the things they fought for. I don’t know if that helps any, but at least from this community at ARP you should know you’re not alone!
PS – adorable story (Ryan M)
That’s such a cute story! We’re somewhat in the same boat with our son who just turned 3. We’re both white, he’s Ethiopian, and a few months ago I decided to see if he was ready to discuss race at all. We were looking at colors and I pointed out the color of his skin and how beautiful it is. We talked about how it looks like chocolate and we both pretended to eat his arm because it was yummy. After several minutes of him being so proud of his yummy chocolate arm, I decided to ask him what color I am. Apparently I’m blue. Not peach, not white, not anything else, just blue. Oh, and my brown hair is actually orange according to him (he’ll very proudly tell you he has black hair). I guess it is still a bit early to be discussing race
This is part of why I love Babybug so much! They have very diverse images of children and families, but they don’t make a big deal about it.
Puregracefultree, vent away here, you have sympathic ears. I know it is exhausting speaking up but keep doing it. It is the only way to introduce another voice, another idea. Never remain silent. Never.
As to the original post, that is a very cute story and I do think you are raising an anti-speciesist child!
Did any one else read the article about Barack Obama and whether he was black, white, or mutt?
I am curious to see what people thought of it because on the only chat I could find about it was very discouraging to read.
Thank you so much, Lu and Yoli…your words are exactly the kind I need to hear, and don’t tend to hear very much. When I vent at others, they just tell me, “Don’t worry about it, you can’t change everyone, just ignore them.” I want to keep fighting, but I need encouragement when the going gets tough. I don’t want to be silent. And yes, I do need to remember that it is the fight itself that is the reward, not a result which may or may not happen. Thank you for that reminder. I have a renewed energy now thanks to your support and that of others here at ARP.
I had an experience yesterday that left be completely bummed out.
For the past few weeks I have been feeling rather proud of myself as an anti-racist parent. My 6 yo son came to me and asked what happened to all the green people. The question made no sense and I asked him to explain. He said that last year his teacher had talked about Martin Luther King Jr. and about signs put up at drinking fountains saying “no colored people allowed”. He took “colored” to mean green. Which is funny but also was encouraging that he didn’t related that color to people he saw.
Then yesterday he made a comment about people who looked liked him being Americans and people who looked different, namely African Americans not being American. It through me for such a loop. We’ve been over it so many times, I thought. Discussing classmates and friends and ancestory.
I am sure by the end of my 25 minute lecture he was sorry he had opened his mouth but I am at such a loss as to what to do or say next.
ann,
You’ve probably already thought of this, but for “what to do or say next,” how about next time this comes up, making a short but very emphatic statement such as, “Whether or not someone is an American has nothing to do with their skin color.” Or, “Yes they are American.” I’m inclined to give 25-minute lectures, too, so I know how hard it is to stop there, but he might remember it better.
Sort of related to ann’s post: Surely by now there is a children’s book or two about Barack Obama? Does anyone know about such a thing?
Well shoot, I’m a librarian so I went ahead and researched my last question. I haven’t seen any of these, so this is information, not recommendations.
Stephen Feinstein. Barack Obama. Enslow, 2008. 24 p., ill., maps.
Nikki Grimes. Barack Obama: son of promise, child of hope. Simon & Schuster books for young readers, 2008. unpaged, ill.
Jonah Winter. Barack. Collins/Katherine Tegen, 2008. unpaged, ill.
And I also found:
Carole Marsh. Michelle Obama. Gallopade, 2008. 13 p., ill. For ages 6-12.
The first three are in lots of libraries so it should be easy to get them through Interlibrary Loan if your own library doesn’t have them. I chose titles for little kids since mine is 4, but if your kids are bigger there are at least a dozen out there for older kids. It looks like another two dozen or so will be published early in 2009.
The one about Ms. Obama is unfortunately held only by the Clayton County (Georgia) Library System, but it looks like it was published quite recently so maybe more libraries will buy it, if it’s good.
Hi, Ann,
I’ve been guilty of the lecture a time or two myself. What I’m trying to remember to do now is ask questions, instead of being directly didactic (or, um, hysterical).
I think part of the issue is what you said: we’re thrown for a loop, we think they should “get” it by now, esp. given all the lectures they’ve heard from us.
So, maybe a change in expectation is in order. Instead of assuming they “get” it, assume that they are “getting” it and that it’s a never-ending process (we’re still “getting” it as adults as different people and experiences come to us!). That way, the next time we are thrown for a loop, we won’t be thrown so far, and can be prepared to react more calmly–i.e., asking and listening as opposed to lecturing.
Be well!
~Deesha
Heh – I agree with the first comment. It means you have a two year old.
I am white, my partner is black, and our beautiful adopted daughter is black.
She would have picked the kitty at 2 as well.
Now, she’ll say – “Mommy and me are a black, and you, are a white, eemah.” And we’ll both giggle silently at the grammar, and simply say how beautiful it all is.
She just turned 3.
And her awareness of different colors of skin only came about a few months ago.