Daddy in a Strange Land shares a link to a post by Jeremy Adam Smith, senior editor of Greater Good magazine, the blogger behind Daddy Dialectic and author of the upcoming Daddy Shift, due out in spring 2009. Smith writes, in “Why are all the Hapa kids sitting together?” on Beacon Broadside:
Three weeks ago I went to pick up my son, Liko, from preschool and found his class gathered outside the school, waiting for the mommies and daddies.
Something struck me: The white girls huddled in one group and the white boys in another.
Where was Liko? He and his three other part-white/part-Asian classmates, boys and girls, were off to one side, hanging out with each other…
and
Like does indeed usually attract like, but prejudice is not the inevitable result. Other, considerably less innocent and natural, factors are in play. It’s us adults, not the kids, who are responsible for the stereotypes and the power. Read more…
Another question is “Why are all the white kids sitting together?”
As a teacher I’ve witnessed this self-selective behavior in children of all ages. In school cafeteria’s I see it quite clearly. There will be tables where everyone looks alike.
I find this interesting because perhaps we want to be around something familiar. Yet, there is also research that shows young children prefer playing with “blonde” dolls rather than dolls that are similar to them in appearance.
I often wonder then what my daughter does when I see her playing with kids of all types and ages. As a mixed-race child, perhaps she doesn’t recognize herself as any one identity, and is therefore comfortable with playing and being friends with whoever is nice to her.
Or, me and the mom will just take credit for good parenting!
Just came across your blog.. check out Beverly Tatum’s book, “Why are all the white kids sitting together in the cafeteria.” Talks a lot about this very thing. As an adoptive mom, it’s been very helpful.
I remember doing a story at a school on an Indian reservation last fall and seeing the only two white kids in the class sitting together while the Indian kids were grouped together at other tables. And when it’s a predominantly white school, yeah, you’ll usually see the Indian kids or the black kids grouped together if there’s more than one or two of them. If the kid of color is alone in a class of white kids, he’ll usually be sitting and joking around with the white kids. People are usually going to end up sitting with or being friends with people they have something in common with and racial differences may also mean differences in culture, language, tastes in music or TV shows or dolls or whatever. I’ve seen it said on this board that that’s why kids of color have social clubs or cliques in college or high school. The same is true of all kids. If you want to encourage other friendships, it’s probably important to show kids what they have in common and how they can have fun playing together and sharing those interests.
Regarding the dolls, when I was about 5 I asked for a black baby doll even though I’d never seen a black person except on TV. When my mom asked me why, I said it was because the baby with the “chocolate skin” was prettier than the white baby doll. She bought me the doll and I played with it for years along with the white and Asian dolls I had. Sometimes kids just like a particular doll. I don’t think it necessarily has to mean they dislike the way they look in the mirror.