written by Anti-Racist Parent columnist Paula
About a month ago, I was substitute teaching for a multi-grade classroom of 2nd and 3rd grade students. Now I understand that it is not at all uncommon for children of this age to still be especially attached to their teacher. It took all of a nanosecond for the kids to realize that clearly, I was NOT their teacher. Some had faces of disappointment. One boy – who later proved to be a little on the mischievous side – appeared to be amused and almost delighted upon seeing my face. And still others were just caught dead in their tracks. I can’t say for certain why they seemed so shocked, but trust me – they were. I found out later from another teacher that this particular school identifies itself as 97% white, as does the city in which the school is located. Upon learning that fact, I couldn’t help but wonder if some of the kids had ever seen an Asian adult before – that may sound preposterous to some, but I honestly don’t think it’s totally out of the realm of possibility.
As I introduced myself and invited them to come in and start their daily morning writing exercise before our morning meeting, several kids were wandering aimlessly around the room. I went to gather a group of them when I looked over to see a few boys in a semi-circle. One boy had both of his pointer fingers positioned at the outer corner of each of his eyes, pulling the skin around his eyes as taut as could be. He was doing this while nodding his head slowly and making mock “ching-chong” noises. Another boy was trying to attempt some kind of martial arts move. The other boys were just laughing.
It’s amazing how a few actions from a group of 7 and 8 year-old boys can make one feel so vulnerable and small. I think for a few seconds my 37 year-old body reverted back to assuming the same exact physical sensations I used to experience when I was teased as a child. I was seriously surprised by the mini-pangs that shot briefly through my stomach.
In my heart, I honestly did not feel that these boys were maliciously trying to hurt me or that they had any deep, sinister motives to personally degrade me. Instead, I truly felt that they possessed no other means in which to express themselves and that their way of processing my physical differences was to innately recall whatever images or preconceived notions they may have held about Asians. In the absence of any real, contextual verbal ability to talk about race or ethnicity, I felt that it was only natural for them to resort back to the “easy”, juvenile behavior of simply making fun of one’s apparent differences.
I spoke at length with the aforementioned teacher who wholeheartedly agreed with me that I needed to address this incident with the class. Later that day, when I had the entire homeroom class back together, I took some time to talk about what I saw earlier that morning. I spoke gently, but very seriously about the many kinds of differences that exist amongst us and that it’s okay to ask questions, to be curious or to wonder why someone might look or do something different from what they’re used to seeing. I also talked about how our actions and reactions towards others can affect others, even without us realizing it. I spoke about how the “normal” way of looking, acting or doing things that we may be accustomed to seeing is not the only way of looking or acting, nor is it the best. I tried to keep it age-appropriate, simple, meaningful and relevant. Without getting too preachy, I simply spoke to them as I do with my own kids about race and race consciousness – honestly and to the point and in a way in which they can hopefully relate.
I left a detailed account of both the incident and the conversation I had with the students for the teacher I was standing in for and within 3 days, I received a letter from the principal as well as handwritten notes from each student. It was evident from their letters that the kids, their teacher and their principal had talked more at length about some of the same things that we spoke about together – which in my opinion, is definitely a good thing.
It was a tremendously valuable experience for me in that classroom that day. I was reminded about my own responsibility as a parent to ensure that my kids’ schools are walking the walk when it comes to the often overused buzzwords like “diversity”, “tolerance” and “acceptance” – words that appear on attractive posters that pepper the halls of so many learning institutions, but perhaps aren’t always practiced or enforced. It was a reminder to keep the conversation about race with my own children at the forefront of the many other topics that we discuss in hopes that they can and will both acquire and utilize the language to affirm and speak up for themselves at any given time, even when others are not.
I have no trouble believing those little boys had never seen an Asian adult or child except on TV. I don’t think I had either at that age or until I was in high school and a family with two children adopted from Korea moved into town.
I’d also guess that those kids would have chosen any distinguishing physical feature to make fun of a substitute teacher. If the teacher is fat, they waddle around; if he has glasses, they make like he has glasses; if he has a squeaky voice or an accent, they make fun of the accent. My class did all of the above with subs and new teachers who seemed to have any sort of weak spot.
When you talked to them quietly and reasonably and didn’t fly off the handle or make them feel you were weak and couldn’t be trusted, I bet you earned their respect as well as making them feel ashamed of what they did. Hopefully they’ll think before they make fun of anyone for any reason again, their classmates as well as future subs.
I had an incident last year where there was a picture in my then-kindergartner’s yearbook with a group of several kids doing the “slanty-eyed” face. When I complained to the principal, she said that no one had noticed it when it was being sent to press, and promised that she’d talk to all the teachers and have them talk to all the students about racial sensitivity. FTR, this is a school that has is primarily hispanic/latino students, and nearly 10% of the student body is asian/hapa, so it’s not as if these kids had never seen an asian person before.
First, glad to see you writing again, Paula!
Given that I work and live in a very non-Asian environment, I know that I’m often the only Asian person who may have ever taught some of the students I encounter. I’m pretty sure many of them are surprised when I don’t have an accent or when I talk about American references. After all, I was born, raised, educated, and have lived here my entire life! Shocker, yes, kids.
Kudos to you for making sure that people are walking the walk. I can only imagine how that felt to see the kids doing the eye thing.
I often refer to the saying, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice you have chosen the side of the oppressor”. I try to challenge my students to see that their inaction IS an action.
I don’t have much to contribute other than to say I’m glad you’re back and look forward to reading more from you!
Wow, Paula, I’m so sorry that happened and that you were able to turn it into a teachable moment despite the pain you must have been feeling. I can totally understand how those taunts would have brought back memories from childhood and all the accompanying fear and vulnerability. Good for you for addressing the issue in a way that let everyone learn.
Liza, I love that quote. Do you know the source? I’d like to use it for a workshop I’m running later in the year.
I agree that doing nothing and not speaking up is too often the “default” position for many. Fortunate kids to hear your response that day, and an exceptional response by the school three days later. I hope you continue teaching for many years!
The quote is credited to Archbishop Desmond Tutu
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archbishop_Desmond_Tutu
I love using it because it calls us to accept responsibility for that which we consciously ignore – happens all too often, right?
Thanks very much, Liza! I’m definitely adding this one to my collection.
FWIW, I think I remember 1 Asian kid when I was growing up – I think he was adopted from Vietnam or Cambodia. No adults, and I only realized that Paul Waxman was probably Jewish after I got to college.
And yeah, it’s probably safe to bet that if you’re a substitute teacher and there’s a knot of 8 year old boys somewhere in the room, they’re coming up wtih the most offensive caricature that they can.
I’ve been teaching for ten years and children making the slant-eyes happens at least once a year. Fortunately, I have very positive relationships with my students and their families. Once the students realize how hurtful it is, they stop immediately. I am the only Asian teacher at my school and if it wasn’t for me, I believe that many of my students would never have the opportunity to have a relationship with an Asian person. I can relate to the initial pangs of shock that you felt in your stomach; it’s still uncomfortable for me after ten years. Glad you addressed the situation!