Open thread

4 Responses to Open thread

1. Paul says:

   January 29, 2009 at 9:42 pm

   I\’m a white man married to a Korean woman and we have a one-year old baby. Some time ago, we were on the street when an African-American woman passed us and muttered, \”I can\’t stand you Chinese and all your babies!\” I was shocked and wanted to reply, but seeing that my wife had not heard, decided it would be best to ignore the racist comment and move on.

   My questions are, what should I have done? What does it mean when people of color express racism toward each other? When my child is old enough to understand such mean words, how do I explain it to him?
2. Angela Riccio says:

   January 30, 2009 at 10:51 am

   I am not sure you could have done much, except perhaps to have corrected her and stated that your wife is Korean and not Chinese!

   People of color SHOULD be more aware of their prejudice against others, but they are no less human than white people and I am afraid you will need to develop an understanding that it’s not just white people who are prejudiced or racist. We all are, to greater or lesser degrees.

   It’s not easy to explain racism to children. It’s hard enough to understand as an adult. I have always tried to tell me biracial son that people who are so prejudiced that they are cruel and demeaning deserve our pity because they must hurt so much that they deflect their self-hatred onto others because it is easier than self-reflection. I have also told them that perhaps they have not had positive experiences with people different from themselves, or simply aren’t aware that what they are doing is expressing a form of prejudice. This isn’t to excuse their behavior in anyway, but we cannot create solutions to problems without understanding why they exist in the first place.

   Just be open and honest with your child, be gentle with his feelings of conflict, anger and sadness and help him find solutions to resolving conflict within himself and outside of himself.

   As to how old will he be until he understands hatred – it’s hard to say as every child is different. Probably around age 7-10, depending on the child.

   Good luck!
3. Anne says:

   January 30, 2009 at 3:24 pm

   Paul asked what does it mean when people of color express racist attitudes? I’m pretty sure it means they’re racist.

   I would not attempt to engage a racist stranger on the street, especially if I had a baby with me.

   However, I would certainly have talked about it with my spouse, and I would have had that conversation in front of my child. I think hearing you process it will help them process it when the time comes.
4. Lyonside says:

   January 31, 2009 at 11:17 am

   Paul – I’m with Anne, I’d hesitate to respond to a one-off street comment. Not only could it potentially escalate, but some people who are spouting racist language out loud to total strangers have emotional or mental problems. That’s not an excuse, as there are nonracist people with those same problems. But it’s a possibility.

   Angela: Unless y0u’re quoting Margaret Cho, ["if you're going to be racist, learn the terminology!"], I’d wonder if correcting someone as to perceived vs. actual ethnicity sends the wrong message.

   >As to how old will he be until he understands hatred – it’s hard to say as every child is different. Probably around age 7-10, depending on the child.

   I dunno, I started getting questioned about “what” I was at age 3-4, and dealt with people who didn’t understand or like that answer starting from that age on (early 1980s, as a reference). I cottoned on pretty quickly that my ethnicity was going to be a potential problem for a lot of people I met.

   I think we have to give our children the language to identifythe behaviors of others, even the ones we hope they don’t experience, so that they know it when they see it and can start to process and deal with it.