by Anti-Racist Parent columnist Deesha Philyaw
My kids have sent me over the moon with joy.
Is it because they are doing well in school? They are, but that’s not why I’m thrilled.
Is it because their rooms are tidy? Please…
Is it because they are squabbling less and being more patient with each other? Pshaw!
The reason I’m giddy this morning is that my kids have finally “gotten” her—the object of my fanaticism, my Greatest of All Time: Joni Mitchell.
It would be an
understatement to say that Joni Mitchell is my favorite artist, and I won’t go into how I wrote the vast majority of my second attempt at a novel while listening to Joni Mitchell and feeling alternately bold and morose. I’ll just talk about how I simply bubble over when 10-year-old Taylor asks to hear “Carey” again and again, even though she still doesn’t understand why Joni likes him if he’s a “mean ol’ daddy.” I’ll just mention how it makes my heart glad to hear five-year-old Peyton croon “Carey”’s opening line, “The wind is in from Africa…and last night, I couldn’t sleep…” and the “shooooooooo-bop-bop-bop-bop”’s from “Big Yellow Taxi”. I even love how Peyton asks me to find the part towards the end of “Woodstock” where Joni’s voice is “broken.”
I love all this not just because it’s her…but because I really want my girls to appreciate music other than insipid bubble gum pop and criminal remakes (Was I the only parent who kept saying through clenched teeth, “Earth, Wind & Fire did it better!” every time B5’s pathetic rendition of “Let’s Groove Tonight” played on Radio Disney?).
Okay, okay, don’t worry…I’m getting to the anti-racism parenting angle…
Of course, the girls have heard Joni Mitchell playing in the house before. But only recently did I pop her Hits CD into my car player. Apparently, hearing her in the car worked some kind of magic on the girls. As we drove home from school yesterday belting out “California”, Peyton asked out of the blue, “Is she brown or white?”
I did the dreaded answering-a-question-with-a-question: “What do you think?”
Without hesitation, Peyton answered, “Brown. She sounds brown.”
Taylor chimed in. “No, I think she’s white.”
Neither of them could tell me why they made the guesses they did or what they think it means to “sound white” or “sound brown”. This was one of those, “It just is.” kinds of things for them, and I didn’t press. For once.
After I pulled into the garage and turned off the ignition, I ejected the CD and showed it to the girls. Joni Mitchell’s head in profile covers the disk. Peyton was surprised, but even Taylor said, “That’s not how I pictured her at all.” Again, she couldn’t tell me how she had pictured her—just not like that.
We talked about how you can’t always predict these things; how skin color alone doesn’t always tell you much, if anything, definitive or meaningful about a person; but how experiences in our skin influence the art we create. I told them how Joni Mitchell has influenced artists of all colors, across disciplines—artists like Prince, Terence Trent D’Arby…and me.
Peyton, as an adopted child, was especially interested in “Little Green”, the song Joni Mitchell wrote to the child she placed for adoption decades ago. “It’s sad,” Peyton told me with a sigh after we went inside and listened to it. To brighten the mood, she wanted to hear “Soy Una Pizza” next.
But again, I’m glad. Joni Mitchell: artiste extraordinaire, wellspring of teachable moments. Who knew?
Deesha Philyaw is a freelance writer whose publications include Essence, Wondertime (a Disney publication), Bitch magazine, and The Washington Post. Deesha holds a B.A. in economics from Yale University and a Master’s degree in teaching. In her pre-mommy, pre-writing life, she was a management consultant, briefly, and then an elementary school teacher. A native of Jacksonville, Florida, Deesha currently lives in Pittsburgh with her two daughters.
Michele Norris and Juan Williams are two NPR radio voices who I didn’t think “sounded brown”. During the presidential primary campaign were often commenting on race and gender issues surrounding the Democratic front-runners. I was pleasantly surprised to find out there was more diversity at NPR than I’d previously thought.
Interesting piece, thanks for sharing your story!
I haven’t seen a lot of this from our oldest two sons yet (deciding what race someone is based on their voice or how they talk). Will be interesting to see if we end up having conversations like this with my youngest, who lives with us full-time.
I do know my mom was surprised when I told her Amy Winehouse was white.
Hey, Jeff…
Too bad NPR canceled Farai Chideya’s “News and Notes”…
Hi, Lu…
Hmmm…My girls have listened to Amy Winehouse but the question of her skin color never came up. Maybe they were too busy dancing.
I am 24, and was one of the few people under 50 (or 60?) at a Holly Near concert I attended Saturday night. I grew up listening to Holly Near, Joni Mitchell, John Denver, Mercedes Sosa, etc…it seemed weird to me that so few people my age still appreciate this stuff. To what else did they all dance around the living room record player? Or sing around the campfire at Girl Scout Camp?
Loved this! I am a fellow Joni
fanworshipper. My mom always had Joni, Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, CSNY etc. playing when I was a little kid. I have a very eclectic music collection, but in that desert island scenario, it would be Joni to come with me. My eldest daughter also loves Joni, always has. The other two could probably take her or leave her, but hey, one out of 3 isn’t bad.You’re so right about the influence Joni Mitchell has had on artists of every genre. I can’t say how many times I’ve heard some artist talk about how Joni’s work influenced his/her development. I also love her paintings and drawings.
My favorite is Case of You.
Z: I think music is marketed to be way more age-segregated than it was decades ago. I’m even surprised at your experience, at 24 (13 years younger than me).
That said, I discovered Joni Mitchell as an adult. But I grew up enjoying the same artists that my mother did (what we now call old school R&B, soul, and funk).
Cowbell:
“A Case of You” …love it.
We talked about how you can’t always predict these things; how skin color alone doesn’t always tell you much, if anything, definitive or meaningful about a person; but how experiences in our skin influence the art we create.
I love this–especially the last part.
True, many artists (including Black ones) have been influenced by Mitchell’s work and other “Black-sounding” White artists as well. (Whatever that may mean.) But I think particularly for Black children (at least when they are older) it is important for them to understand that the cross-cultural sharing and borrowing and influencing has not always been balanced or fair to the Black artists.
At any rate, I think it is significant and actually a wonderful thing that Peyton and Taylor are trying to grasp (even if they cannot articulate) different aesthetics in music. Much more than race goes into this aesthetic, yes. But I think it’s great if they learn that people who looked like them helped create the musical bedrock upon which so much American popular music is built.
But I think particularly for Black children (at least when they are older) it is important for them to understand that the cross-cultural sharing and borrowing and influencing has not always been balanced or fair to the Black artists.
Indeed!
I love Joni- but i didn’t know that she was considered to be doing anything particularly “black” – i have always seen her as a very white singer songwriter-( in so far as rock and roll came from trans-cultural and continually unrecognised black american culture.)
I am white- nz-er living in australia and i am an “auntie” to two 13/14yr old girls from sierra leone.
I was surprised the other day while watching a dvd- (music and lyrics- with drew barry more and hugh grant) that they didn’t understand a lot of the jokes or subtext because not only is it not their culture, but it was very “white”
I’m learning a lot.
when i play “white” music they don’t like it. It makes me sad that music genre’s become so split- so much music is beautiful and has something to offer— as with films etc… does this heighten our split communities- is it symbiotic?