[Editor's note: I asked one of my favorite bloggers, Renee, who writes about race, gender and more on Womanist Musings, what she thought of the recent article on Racewire that said:
America is experiencing a single-mom boom. Federal health authorities report that about 40 percent of births in 2007 were to unmarried women, up from 34 percent in 2002.
Keeping with previous patterns, the highest rates and largest increases were seen in Black and Latino women. But the statistics diverge from some stereotypes, too. Compared to 1970, the portion of single-parent births by teenagers has declined steeply—a sign that more older women are deciding to have children without a husband. Researchers suggest several factors behind the trend, reports the Washington Post:
Following is Renee's response:]
One of the least valuable people on the planet is a black mother. Her gender and her race make her invisible unless an opportunity exists to exploit or marginalize her for gain. She is perceived as little more than a brood mare and often constructed as reproducing for the sake of either profiting from the system or trapping a man into subservience to her. Each generation she passes this legacy from her womb to her offspring and no matter her love or investment in her children, she is forever understood as lacking the wherewithal to raise responsible and successful citizens.
The capacity of Black women to love and nurture is only accorded respect when their energies are spent raising, and suckling white babies. Mammy speaks in soothing tones and is not threatening whereas; the Black mother has already proven to be a sexual being in her reproduction threatens to end the majority status of the White population. As 2050 quickly approaches and the balance of racial dynamics changes, whiteness fears that a loss of privilege will result from the blackness of the African American womb.
The patriarchal Black family has been under decline as eligible Black men have increasingly become incarcerated due to the racist prison industrial complex. Black women have been placed in the position of raising their children themselves and have been demonized for their efforts to hold their families together despite their attempts to create a positive environment for their children. In a society that understands family as consisting of the coupling of a man and a woman the single Black mother has been constructed as a social piranha. She has been held responsible for the men that abdicate their parental duties to be involved both financially and emotionally in the lives of their children.
Single motherhood is something that has been traditionally frowned upon because such a model subverts the patriarchal family. As part of the compromise for the exploitation men experience in the public sphere, the ability to wield a tyrant like authoritarian power has traditionally been granted within the household. The family, though constructed as the nurturing nest is quite often the very first place we experience oppression. Women and children are sacrificed to maintain male hegemony and capitalism continues to benefit from the long suffering flannel suit wearing masculinity that performs robotically because he has been given the responsibility of provider. Though the single wage earner family has rarely to never been the model of black families it is still presented as justification for the continued subservience of the Black woman.
In recent years with a rise in single motherhood, social shaming has become even more race divided. When Bristol Palin became pregnant she was not slut shamed in the way that she would have been had she been a young woman of color. She has gone on to be a spokesperson for abstinence proving that an identity that was once considered spoiled may be reformed if the person in question is white and exists with class privilege.
Angelina has been reborn as the worlds “earth mother,” reframing her public persona of vampy wild child, even though she is not married to her partner Brad Pitt. The two are the parents of several children and have not yet decided if their family is complete. A few scant years ago, Jolie would have not been able to use her maternity to change the ways in which her body is understood; however in a time when whiteness is undergoing a panic regarding fertility rates, a woman that is willing to devote herself to reproduction is celebrated.
When we place Jolie next to Erykah Badu; the black white binary reveals whose motherhood is valued. Badu as a successful artist is more than capable of caring financially for her children and yet her unmarried status is understood as problematic. She has been slut shamed in the court of public opinion with some going as far as to suggest that she needs to close her legs and take care of the children that she already has. How does her continued reproduction suggest that she is an unfit mother? The issue is never maternity, the issue is the race of the mother.
Some Black women are forced into single motherhood because of death, abandonment, or even the imprisonment of their partners and others wilfully choose this as a viable option in a world that teaches them that their bodies are worthless. As long as we continue to be a society that is determined to see difference as an indicator of value the maternity of Black women will continue to be understood as problematic
This is a valuable articulation of the damaging narrative told about single Black mothers. Having read it, I can see that the public outcry against same-sex marriage is mostly just another outgrowth of the fear of unwed mothers. “Marriage is between a man and a woman” is the same as “Families are headed by a man and a woman.” And that’s just another way of saying, “That single mother doesn’t have a family.”
So calling up my amateur anthropology skills here, I have a question: Has anyone devised a viable replacement narrative that takes into account and rectifies the damaging effects and some of the historical inaccuracies of the negative narrative Renee is describing? The relevant portions of the narrative the Baha’i Faith proposes include placing importance on raising children, regardless of the family structure.
“Among the greatest of all services that can possibly be rendered by man to Almighty God is the education and training of children”
This admiration is due to the individual providing this service, whether mother, father, aunt, grandparent, adoptive parent or whatever relation formal or informal.
Other aspects of the Baha’i Faith that are relevant are:
The equality of women and men,
“Women and men have been and will always be equal in the sight of God.”
The Oneness of Humanity, an point of view that says the importance of our differences is what that add to society, that the differences between us should not be a cause of division.
“Of one tree are all ye the fruit, and of one bough the leaves.”
And on the subject of the single wage earner family, this is not an ideal in the Baha’i Faith. The emphasis is instead on the work performed by each person. The writings of the Baha’i Faith describe how work performed in the spirit of service is elevated to the station of worship. No distinction is made on how or where the work is done only on the attitude of the worker.
Anyone know of any other positive narratives proposed in today’s America?
– Jeff
No need to post: The URL is http://www.womanist-musings.com/ .
What is the answer then? I think more needs to be done to educate, change perceptions and stop the us vs them mentality. Unfortunately it is not going to happen overnight but I do believe you have to start somewhere.
Great perspective. I think the point that some mothers don’t choose to parent alone is a good one. I find it odd that the religious right is so anti-abortion yet so anti-single mother families. What are the options for dealing with unplanned pregnancy? “Abstinence” doesn’t cut it, as Bristol Palin well shows. And, anyway, how to prevent unplanned pregnancy is a moot point once you are already pregnant. Then what? Adoption is technically an option, but that’s only if the father (or the father’s family) consents. I think women who decide to parent alone are very brave. I think we also forget what positive things having a single mother can teach a child (we are always focusing on the negative): independence and women being able to do it on their own, the ability to walk away from harmful relationships even if its tough, and the empowerment of a woman without a man is possible. I feel like the prevalence of SMs in the Black community has given Black women a sense that they CAN, if necessary, do it alone. I have often felt that my sister in law (AA) is a stark contrast to my own sister the same age (W) in that she is confidence and unapologetically herself in her relationships with men. If she isn’t getting what she wants, she breaks up with them and moves on. No big pity party and no tragedy there. She feels good about her body and her mind and she doesn’t have to starve herself or exercise excessively to get that feeling like my sister does. Now this is just her, she doesn’t represent all AA women, BUT I think this type of confidence is more common in AA women and its something that I think W women should inspire towards in their relationships. Women can (and sometimes should, in the cases of abuse or addiction) survive without a partner. It is hard, but its possible. And all the people trying to bring them down…maybe they are just jealous that they don’t feel they could ever handle that.
I think that Erykah Badu faced more criticism from other Black women… don’t get it twisted…in the Black community, marriage still is very much valued…single motherhood because you got pregnant unexpectedly, because your man didn’t step up to the plate and marry you is DIFFERENT from CHOOSING single motherhood…and I know alot of Black folks who wonder why would a woman choose a fool thing to do, so to speak, when the single mothers who are struggling struggle not just because its hard to be the sole provider, the only person there for the children and to have no one to share co-parenting duties with, but because of the hidden struggle…when children hit puberty, the consequences of their fathers being absent from their life shows up in how they rebel and experience being teenagers. I have known more single mothers who faced this when their teenage sons decided he was going to be the man of the household and that he did not have to listen to her authority, and was running wild, sexing, and literally not caring about the consequences his mama placed on him for his misbehavior…and teenage girls having sex too soon.
Erykah Badu may have chose not to marry but I notice she is actually CO-PARENTING with her children’s dads…unlike the single mothers who are struggling without the father present in the children’s lives, struggling after a relationship failed, struggling because the father never stepped up to the plate before the child was born or after.
Money affords you the flexibility to chose not to marry when you are a Black woman. Money affords you the choice not to care what society thinks of you but history does push you against the marriage being the ideal thing that “old school” Black folks (young and old) still support in the Black community. The higher up you are in the socio-economic ladder, the less you have to lose if someone doesn’t like that you are a single mother.
The other layer of this is the ways in which Black men are not valued by society, and the importance of Black fatherhood diminished within the Black community, by the attitude of “I can do bad by myself”, by the anger and resentment of broken relationships that oftentimes directly or indirectly leads to the father bailing out on his children, or the mother making it hell on earth for him to be in touch with his children, because her heart is still hurt by the broken relationship.
My view is that patriarchy doesn’t exist within Black single motherhood when the father is absent and the resentment is there on his side, and her side.
Back in the day Black families stayed together despite poverty, despite racism, despite being on the bottom of the socio-economic ladder, despite the scars of slavery, matter of fact legalized marriages was the thing families wanted to do as soon as they got the news that slavery was over.
I think the feminist model of what the attitudes are about Black single mothers is problematic for all the reasons I list above. The majority of Black men are NOT in prison or gay. That’s an urban myth that has grown wheels of its own. Many single Black men I know and love resent that myth.
Again I think the criticism of Black single mothers who chose that path (outside of adoption which is typically praised when its done by single moms) is because of the pain and hurt that already exists within Black single mothers who have struggled to raise their child despite the father choosing not to step up to the plate and co-parent with them, and while nursing hurt because the father cheated, wasn’t who they wanted them to be, or plain left.
I agree that Black single motherhood is assigned a negative connotatoin by society. I agree, even as a married Black mother who notices when someone (White, Black or other) sees me with my child and then glances at my hand to look for my wedding band.
Big gaping logic hole in the basic premise of the story, I think: an unmarried household is not automatically the same as a single-mother household. I’d say at least half of my friends here in Holland in my age group (late 30′s, early 40′s) are in committed relationships and have kids. So this could just as easily be an article about how fewer couples feel a need to get married than used to.
As to Renee’s response, the only real criticism of black motherhood I can remember is way back when the Reagan administration was trying to create the impression of the welfare queen. If I think of the portrayal of single black moms in the mainstream media (not that I watch that much), I’d say it’s normally positive these days.
And if you missed all the great sniping at the Palin family and the supreme irony of their family situation, you’re definitely reading the wrong blogs. Pretty much every mention I’ve seen of Bristol’s new job is that it’s a joke. Haven’t ever seen any opinions offered about Angelina Jolie (other than stuff implying that her megamotherhood is a bit faddish) or Erykha Badyu.
(Ironically, Fables of Faubus just came up on the iPod).
dersk
http://www.alternet.org/blogs/sex/140407/rick_santorum_offers_up_some_racist_dating_advice/
Look, perhaps I’m an idealist, but growing up the way I have, where I have- not the nicest of areas… I can see a woman struggling on her own . I can see some “society” perceive her differently.I don’t.I see a struggling momma.I see a woman who loves her kids-and through them, can love herself.
I have met people in many places, and I am happy when I get labeled a friend. That’s the only label anyone needs.
And yes, I sound silly.
@ZenMamaPolitic @LovIsntEnough Revisiting this article on Mother’s Day today…. and noting that again, it was very well done. I had promised to stay off of Twitter today, but could not resist, ‘getting something off my chest’. And your article inspired my comments below:
Many of the facts that presented in your article are quite valid, and I wish that they could be relayed more effectively towards the general public; especially within the prevention of Black Single Mother discrimination. This is primarily because, prejudice is widely increasing as White cultures begin a Patriarchal decline, and their widely held, stark Fundamental values systems are being tested. The recent NC case re-instituting marriage between a man and woman; while simultaneously re-sanctioning violence against women (by threatening to repeal current domestic violence victims’ protection orders, who are not married); while also threatening the custody and health insurance of single parent families -ALL under the guise of what the press labeled as a ‘Gay Marriage Amendment’, was within itself appalling. And given that Black single mothers are well above 70% in the National average, I wonder how the passing of this measure (if not repealed), in the long run…. will affect them.
More so…I wonder if Patriarchy is going to re-invent itself by creating yet another demeaning way of subjugating Black Single Mothers. It has become a civil rights violation, and white privilege has established the normative of what used to be known as the Murphy Brown principle; now known as ‘The Bristol Palin Norm’, as unacceptable. Although both are still much better than the dreaded ‘Nappy Headed ‘Ho’ who is also the irresponsible, sexually promiscuous Black single mother. In fact; it is so bad that some states have even attempted to pass legislation to ‘ban’ single motherhood, because Wisconsin Republicans in believe that it is a form of abuse or neglect. I see a form of new discrimination that is verging upon a civil rights violation. There is a watershed of fear that is amounting to a new eugenic fear of anything that is not White, Patriarchal and homogenous.
I am afraid as a Black, single, adoptive mother who grew up as also a child of a single parent, within in a lower middle class family…that I knew poverty. But was also very well educated and worked hard as my mother did….so was always above the so called ‘element’. However; it was always 2 or 3 steps away; no matter if I successfully put myself through college-or not. Education does not have the same effect if your class levels are perceived as being lower; or if you do not have the same perception within the public eye. And no matter what…racist Black single mother stereotypes, stigmas, and bigotry; coupled with logical financial impediments, still prevent honest levels of REAL perceived achievement. So there are limited options. I must THINK everyday, and do not have the privilege of ASSUMING that things will be granted; just as many Black folk done before me. Thus; I am no stereotype, but am more than welcome to the label, as it is always threatened. It seems that, (unless we change Patriarchy); I (and others) will always be…the ‘Single Mother Element’. Patriarchy values us as less than even women, much less Black women that should receive the same levels of respect as ALL other women, and also of Patriarchal men. A’int I A Woman was over 100 years ago, and we are still no where near where we need to be. But, how can this happen? And, how can we change things now?
I suggest a program which begins with the association of Black Single Parenthood education as necessity. There is an excellent program being headed by the Urban Leadership Initiative at this time entitled, ‘Raising Him Alone’; which also attempts to academically educate everyone about Black single mothers~raising Black Boys~ which has become a significant problem within our society. It is not perfect, but indeed a beginning. A combination of this type of Black single parent advocacy, coupled with a Black Sociological and Psychological advocacy organization; would be ideal. The next position that needs to be taken is an understanding of co-parenting vs. a nuclear family. Black men do not understand that the ‘child’ comes first, and that relationships are secondary to parenting. One must separate the idea of marriage from child rearing, and then consequently also from… single parent families. Lastly, we must educate ourselves and join together within a mentoring effort; such as Audre Lorde intended. However; at the same time also prevent exploitation. We must be learly of organizations which are not very well organized or educated, that seem to still propel aspects of Patriarchy and exhibit class privilege amongst it’s members (even within a Black Single Mother Society). A good example of this is within the new advocacy effort entitled, ‘Project Single Mothers’. It’s great..if you like to be patronized by the benevolent altruistic narcissism of those (pinky in the air) single mothers that have ‘Made it’, and ‘Allowed’ others to participate in their wonderful invention of obliterating every Black female Sociologists’ work from here to China. Within this we can see how classism and Capitalism are still quite dominant factors within our own communities, and enable us to thusly create a form if internalized oppression; based upon modified versions of the same prejudice. This is absolutely ridiculous. The word ‘Black Privilege’ does ring a bell with these people, and is only different from its predecessor; in that…it is one step down. Needless to say, there need to be many improvements, and it will take much time to have those that are sincerely educated and dedicated towards doing research within advocacy and improving situations with Black communities, in order to make them happen. It will not be an easy task.
One of the major problems within ‘tearing down the Master’s House’, is that persons such as myself are: No where near meeting their inflated prejudicial standards. You made a great point that normally adoptive mothers as single parents get praise for their efforts…well, even that depends upon if that effort is still labeled and conditioned as threatening. Unbelievably, no amount of patronizing ‘Good Deeds’ as Tyler Perry racistly put it…will actually enable us to have the same amount of class position and respect as a White Patriarchal (or Black Patriarchal by default) family. This needs to sharply and quickly change. A new model must be practically put into place; which serves Black single motherhood as a relevant formation of society, instead of some absurd form of discriminatory, charitable form of societal social deviance.