Comments

1. D. wrote:

   http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/20090708_Phila__camp_alleges_racism_at_Montco_swim_club.html

   This should be front page news on CNN!

   215-947-0700 or info@thevalleyclub.com to register your disgust.

   Posted 09 Jul 2009 at 7:38 am ¶

2. calimommy wrote:

   Oh D…Michael Jackson just died. Didn’t you hear? CNN has its priorities.

   Posted 09 Jul 2009 at 12:29 pm ¶

3. Deesha wrote:

   Just finished “Bedtime Stories” by Trey Ellis, a memoir by a black single dad in his early 40’s who became his kids’ primary caregiver after his wife had a New Age-change-of-life experience and divorced him when their youngest child was not yet a toddler.

   Ellis’s devotion to his young son and daughter fairly leaps off the page, as does his longing to find love again (he is truly a hopeless romantic). From Internet dating to boyz-gone-wild trips to Vegas and Brazil to a synthetic vulva, he tries it all.

   This memoir is at turns hilarious and heart-rending. In addition to Ellis’s loneliness, bad luck with women, and struggles as a writer, we also learn about his mother’s suicide and his father’s death as a result of AIDS, when he was 16 and 22, respectively.

   I found it interesting that Ellis, who writes at HuffPo about Obama and other topics, is black and “black-identified”, doesn’t delve much into race issues as they relate to his dating life. He dates women of all colors, unapologetically. I’ll admit to being somewhat “conditioned” to expect that when a black man writes a book, he will probably do so as a Black Man, with race issues and racism as the focus. Ellis does a commendable job of not ignoring race entirely (hair and color issues with his young daughter, for example), while still telling his personal story authentically. He’s a fantastic storyteller.

   Posted 09 Jul 2009 at 12:42 pm ¶

4. Good Karma wrote:

   Twice in the last month or so, I have been engaged in casual conversation with a white person and they have not only found it necessary to bring up a connection to a POC, specifically mentioning the person’s race or ethnicity when it had little bearing on the conversation, but then mentioned that this person is “actually a really nice guy” as if that is somehow surprising for a nonwhite person. What’s up with that??? One of these conversations was with my mother-in-law/my biracial daughter’s grandmother. Should me and my husband’s (as aspiring anti-racist parents) have pointed out the weirdness/subtle racism in what she said?

   Posted 09 Jul 2009 at 9:25 pm ¶

5. dersk wrote:

   @Good Karma: “Me and my husband’s”? How manydo you have?

   Was the situation something like “That Dave is Chinese, but he’s an okay guy?” or was there more separation between mentioning race and saying that they’re a nice guy? If so, it might just be coincidentally. If not, maybe it’s an idea next time to interrupt and say “Wait a minute – it sounds to me like you’re saying he’s a really nice guy in spite of being an Albanian. I’m sure that’s not what you meant, but…” I’m just thinking that it’s probably more effective to start that way – that is, that it’s poor communication vs. racism…

   Posted 10 Jul 2009 at 9:25 am ¶

6. Good Karma wrote:

   I’m so embarrassed about my typo! I think I was originally going to phrase it “Was it me and my husband’s responsibility to say something to his mother?” I wish we could preview our posts here!

   Anyway, in both cases the scenario was as you mentioned. No separation between the mention of ethnicity and “he’s actually a really nice guy.” In fact, I think the whole point of the story was that she had met someone of this ethnicity. That is notable where she lives!

   I think it’s really good advice to approach it as a communication issue. Maybe even in a lighthearted (seeming) way like “Oh that’s funny the way you put that it sounded like you’re saying that…”

   Posted 10 Jul 2009 at 4:06 pm ¶

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