written by Love Isn’t Enough contributor Max Reddick; originally published at soulbrother v.2
A couple of months or so ago at the end of the summer, my wife and I planned a trip with a few other African American couples we know just to have one last bit of fun before summer ended. When we first conceived of the idea, we bandied about several suggestions, but all of them seemed so absolutely done.
Someone suggested a cookout at the beach, but I was beached out, and I don’t particularly find the beach all that fun. Of course, Disney and/or Universal Studios in Orlando were offered, but we go to Orlando several times a year already so that was out. And in that same vein, someone suggested Busch Gardens in Tampa, but that too was voted down.
Then my wife suggested that we go somewhere and do something none of us had ever done, something unlikely. And we finally decided on a destination and an activity. But on the eve of our trip, one by one the couples and families called us to say that they had to cancel, that they would not be going. And each couple and family proffered the same excuse: “We all talked and decided that that’s just something black folk don’t do.”
Evidently, all of the black folk got together, or at least enough to form a quorum, and decided that black folk didn’t do such things.
And when we arrived at our destination, we found that they seemed to be very right in their assessment. My family was the only African American family present. The other African Americans there were there either with their white spouses or partners or friends.
But nonetheless, we had the time of our lives, and my children talked about the experience for days afterward. This was an experience that they, that we, will never forget and our lives are richer because of it.
In thinking about this, I remember something my grandfather said on numerous occasions when I was a young man, but I didn’t understand then. He would say that if black folk had to discover anything, it would never be found because black folk didn’t like to step outside the familiar.
And this might seem to be a small thing to you, but the implications are much bigger. Perhaps, we can best look at this through philosopher Wittgenstein’s notion of the umvelt. Wittgenstein used that notion to explain that an individual’s knowledge of the world was limited only by the limits of that individual’s access to the world.
In other words, experience translates to knowledge, and we can further extrapolate that knowledge translates to opportunity. So, when we limit our experiences, we limit our knowledge, thus we limit our opportunities.
And I see this all too often when I am out in the community. Too often I encounter African American children not living up to their full intellectual potential simply because they believe studying and achieving is simply something little black kids do not do. And when I inquire of their dreams and aspirations as adults, the very few who do not want to be rappers or singers or professional athletes all name the same handful of occupations: cosmetologist, firemen, policemen, teacher, doctor, lawyer.
Not that these are not noble, worthwhile occupations, but there are so many others to choose from. They are so grossly uninformed of the wide range of possibilities, of opportunities, open to them simply because of their dearth of experiences.
And when I inform them of all the possibilities outside those few mentioned, the response is always the same: “Is that something black folk really do?”
You know, I had a friend in graduate school, a young African American man, who was studying something like forestry management science or national park management science or something of that nature. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but I do remember it was something that black folk don’t usually do.
And the National Forestry Service was so anxious to attract black folk to do it that they were willing to pay for him to receive a master’s degree and a doctoral degree and then hire him right out of school at a starting salary of about $65,000. When I saw his contract, I kind of wish that it was something this black man had done.
But if we are to increase the opportunities available to us and our kids, we must increase our willingness to explore our world. We must explore the full range of experiences available to us. We must step outside our zone of comfort, and go to those places we have never been before, and try those things we have never tried before. And if we begin to do this, oh the places we could go.
So what was the excursion? I’m curious to know what it is that your friends wouldn’t do/go to.
Yes. I like this. But I am left thinking: wait, what did you do? Either way, I just might have to send this to my husband re: going to Germany to visit. He’s a little intimidated b/c of what he perceives as the dearth of Black people over there. I can understand not wanting to be subject to racism while you’re on vacation buuuuuuuuut…I think Germany has come a looong way and that we shouldn’t assume that just because we are a family of color we are not welcome. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong on this, as I haven’t been to Germany in…hmmm…20 years?
I’m trying to think if there’s a white folk corollary to this. What would us white folks say we just don’t do?
Growing up in an outer borough of NYC, I was constantly amazed at the number of people who thought trips to cultural activities in Manhattan were akin to going to the Arctic Circle. This was true for people of all stripes but my immediate neighbors were black so they form my most vivid frame of reference.
My parents gave me the crazy idea that I should go and do anything that interested me, wherever that led. Though I was aware that others might be uncomfortable/put off/surprised by my presence, I wasn’t to let that disturb or phase me…
And I also would like to know what your family’s excursion consisted of. I like the wilderness just fine as long as there is a bed & running water at the end of the day, so I wouldn’t have bowed out but jumped off the va-cay plans long before the last minute : )
@Montclair: Well, there’s a lot fewer black folks in Germany than the US, but it’s generally okay. Believe me, the first thing they’ll see is ‘American’.
The Netherlands is a much better country, of course.
My daughter’s grandfather decided that after serving in the Vietnam War which required him to travel all over the world, once he retired he would take his granddaughter to see America. So far we hav visited 13 states (she is 15) like Alaska, SD, the four corners and Alabama.
We took a break because Pop’s eyes are not as sharp as he would like them to be but he basically ignited a change in me. He has set the standard of exploration and inspired us not to accept our immediate surroundings as the end-all-be-all.
So next summer we are flying out to Washington state (we live in great ole’ Brooklyn, NY) and driving down the Pacific to San Francisco.
Saying all this to say. sometimes just by doing it is enough to inspire others to step outside of that really, really small box.
So out of curiosity, what else would fall into the stereotypical category of ‘stuff black people don’t do’?
@ dersk – I have one. I had an accident during a skiing lesson a couple years ago and I got teased by more than one person afterwards ….. “You should have known better! Black people don’t ski!!!”
@Montclair- In Germany I think it depends a LOT on where you go within the country but in general I agree with Dersk. The first time I went to Europe, I was amazed that I was seen as an American first and as a black person second, unlike in my “own” country.
There are a lot of things I just don’t do, but it’s because I’m not interested in doing them, not because I’m white. I suppose I’d say that white people wouldn’t get dressed up and dance at a pow wow, though I’ve seen whites dancing in the honor dance at the college, just not in traditional attire. I’ve certainly gone to pow wows, but there are some events that are not for people who aren’t tribal members and it would be disrespectful to go without an invitation. I don’t know that I’d go walking in certain areas of big cities that are majority black or majority Hispanic without having someone who belongs there with me. There are probably a lot of things I SHOULDN’T do because I’m white, like commenting on topics related to race when it’s obvious I don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, but I try to tell the truth and I have a pretty big mouth.
I don’t think anything ought to be off-limits to someone because of race, whether it’s conversation, career choice, activities or choice of city to visit. Do whatever interests you.
@dersk and Good Karma–interesting! That’s true, we are shoo-ins for “Americans”. I would really love to go back to the Netherlands as well. I think its time to take the plunge!
Hmmm…things my husband has said that “black people don’t do”…go to the beach on holiday and go camping. But we have definitely gone to the beach (although I made my husband go and he did not really enjoy it much) and my husband has been camping (with a scout troop). White folk equivalents…can’t think of any, but there is a hilarious website http://www.stuffwhitepeopledo.com that is kind of along those lines. I get doubled over with laughter when I read it. SO funny.
“We all talked and decided that that’s just something black folk don’t do.”
I’d really love to hear more thoughts about what this means.
Does it mean: we don’t do it (because we suspect it’s not safe)?
Does it mean: we don’t do it (because others might judge us for doing something black folks don’t do)?
Does it mean: we don’t do it (because if we did, we might be thought of as less black)?
@Karma – uh oh. I better tell my wife she can’t ski. She’s also taking speed skating lessons; I keep looking for a good image to fake up a “Cool Runnings 2″ poster (she’s half-Jamaican, grew up in Canada).
@Montclair: BTW, it’s stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.
Some things “black ppl don’t do” can be attributed to historical barriers to participation. Recreation was a focal point for segregation.
In our parents generation, activities like swimming, ice skating, golf, and tennis, were more readily accessible to white people who attended clubs or institutions that refused black membership.
That’s why Venus and Serena had to learn tennis on public courts. That’s why Tiger had to deal with comments about fried chicken and collard greens from ppl like Fuzzy Zoeller at the Master’s Tournament.
Sports like lacrosse and skiing may have economic and/or geographic barriers to entry that reflect racial disparities in wealth in terms of where you live, where you go to school and what you are offered for extracurricular activities.
If you don’t have parents or community members who already know how to camp, or have camping equipment at hand, it can be daunting to go out into the wilderness and set up a tent, and start a fire by yourself. It’s not just a matter of deciding to go camping. There is some level of prior knowledge and familiarity with the skills that helps.
So while the tradition of black people participating in these activities may be at lower levels that white participation, I was say, remember to recognize that the tradition of exclusion and segregation has helped to draw these racial lines.
I agree with coolmama abour some of the “things” and the whys of it all.
My husband, who is black, has often said blacks “don’t do” what he calls death sports-like skiing, scuba and other things that could go wrong and kill you. He says they don’t camp because “we camped for centuries unasked”, or hiking for pretty much the same reason.
He’s only partly facetious (sp?). He does golf with his brother sometimes and he is trying to schedule swimming lessons with our daughter-figuring if SHE can do it, so can he, but they keep filling up too fast.
I’m very curious what the activity was that the author’s family ended up DOING! Why list all the things they DIDN’T do but leave that out!?
On his blog, the author says this in response to the question “where?”:
“There is a national park here in NE Florida where you can either tube or raft down this stream. The scenery is absolutely beautiful and the stream is so clear that you can see the bottom.”
“Lack of Blacks at National Parks Worries Ranger”
http://68.71.208.15/Travel/story?id=8341029&page=1
cocolamala wrote: “If you don’t have parents or community members who already know how to camp, or have camping equipment at hand, it can be daunting to go out into the wilderness and set up a tent, and start a fire by yourself. It’s not just a matter of deciding to go camping. There is some level of prior knowledge and familiarity with the skills that helps.”
Very true! I come from a non-hiking and non-camping family. Fortunately, I’ve found there are helpful resources for people who might be interested in giving these things a try.
I started by checking out books at local libraries and bookstores about nature walks and easy “day hikes” near the DC area, where I live, because little if any “equipment” is really necessary. Most of these contained some basic recommendations for inexperienced day hikers about clothing to wear, items to take along or leave at home, and so forth. Many of the parks I visited–some of them surprisingly close and accessible– had brochures about things to look (and look out!) for, and classes for people of different ages. I learned a lot, and enjoyed it too.
Later I started checking books out of the library about basic camping skills. And I learned that some outdoor outfitters (like REI) offer basic classes and equipment rentals. I’ve found the staff, in most cases, to be very encouraging and helpful.
@Montclair and @dersk, I’ve seen both stuffwhitepeoplelike (funny) and stuffwhitepeopledo (serious). I’ve been spending a lot of time at the latter lately.
I loved the article. It did make me chuckle, because I am not African American, but I could so relate. I am the first generation in my family to attend college. My family was very poor when I was growing up (and for many generations before me), and there were a long list of things that we don’t do. My family did not have the time for frivolous things like hiking, tennis, or even organized sports. I think that the cost was a huge factor, but the message I received from my family and community was we don’t do those kinds of things. I could only have listed a handful of professional jobs as a child, because that is all I saw in my world. I can only hope that I can expose my children to all their options, so they can experience life to its fullest.
Here are just a few things that I have people tell me blacks don’t do:
Art museum, or hell practically any museums
Symphony/orchestra
Opera
Plays (unless they are on the “chitlin’ circuit”)
Swim
Travel to Europe/Asia/Australia (non military)
Ballroom dancing
Rock climbing/rappelling
Bungi jumping
Learn to fly (non military)
Polo
Tennis/badminton
Skiing (water/snow)
Snowboarding
Rafting/boating/kayaking
Horsehoes/bocci ball
I agree with cocolamala. Historically, blacks weren’t able to access or attend many of these things or they were economically out of reach (and for many blacks, some of these things still are) and that this has probably slowed participation but I don’t think that is the only or even the biggest reason.
When I was a little girl in the mid-70’s, I remember hating being dragged to every event (usually cultural) that my mother could find, festivals, fairs, or road trips to see whatever weird museum or attraction she had dug up, or road trips to see the “country” (there are only 7 states I haven’t been in). I distinctly remember my brother and I usually being the only black children on most of these outings though that fact didn’t really hit me until I hit my teens and really noticed that we were often the only blacks. Fast forward to the early 1990s when I had my child, and began to do the same sorts of things my mother had done. I was shocked that 20 years later, I STILL don’t see many blacks doing these things. I see more than when I was a child but not appreciably more and I’m still not sure why. When I ask or suggest places or things to do, MANY of my black friends will say “black people don’t do that”. The few times I have insisted on doing something, it was clear that they were very uncomfortable and we usually ended up leaving early.
I could definitely relate to this post. I’m from NYC, so there were a lot of outdoor things that I didn’t grow up doing. Now I live in the Pacific NW, and going kayaking or white water rafting or even camping (which I’ve done numerous times) aren’t things that come to my mind when I have a free weekend.
I think the urbanization of so many black folks influences what hobbies we take part in. But from the time I was a kid, my family dabbled in things that were “not black” – like homeschooling and vegetarianism. I think this helped me be able to envision myself in many types of situations. Perhaps more importantly, I was put in situations where I interacted with white people on a regular basis as peers.
I think the level of comfort one feels in being around white people is HUGE in terms of how often you venture outside your “community.” This is also true when it comes to class. I don’t even like to go into high end stores – not because I think I’ll be followed or suspected of theft – but because I’m intimidated by the expectations. I imagine that if, as a child or adolescent, it had been normal practice for my family to enter posh stores or restaurants and learn the rules of engagement in those environments, I wouldn’t feel the way I do now.
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max,
thanks for this. i work with a Boston program that gets youth of color into STEM. we pay the youth a salary to learn and teach emerging technologies and sciences because we are trying to create of critical mass of engaged youth who can catalyze cultural change about what is possible to achieve.
there’s been a lot of talk about bill cosby and friends who have popularized the reason “acting white,” for why our youth are not invested in being smart. but i think you have something here when you say, “it’s not something we do.” and that applies not only to black youth, but also latino youth, and even some asian youth (i am thinking of the vietnamese, cambodian youth in our program).
i also though about the most stressful time in the program for our youth and their parents. the youth do some of their training at mit. and i get the most number of telephone calls of concern just before the first time they go. mit is in a predominantly white, somewhat upscale neighborhood across the charles river from where our youth live. the parents are actually more concerned about the safety of their youth in cambridge than they are in their own neighborhoods. we have to do a lot of work to arrange for youth to have the option of going to mit with staff. and parents who have cars often arrange to drop them off and pick them up right afterward instead of letting the teenagers take public transport.
the chance of our youth getting profiled is real — and they always carry my cellphone number in case they have problems. so part of this has to do with safety and past experiences, not just willingness to have a new experience.
but willingness is a big part of it. and i am going to think about how to use your point along with others when we try to explain the need for our program.
Thanks again. . .
On his blog, the author says this in response to the question “where?”:
“There is a national park here in NE Florida where you can either tube or raft down this stream. The scenery is absolutely beautiful and the stream is so clear that you can see the bottom.”
Hmmm, that means they might have gone to the Ichetucknee River…I can’t think of any place quite like in in North Florida. If that’s where they went, I’m sure they did have a good time, it really is the most beautiful, clearest, cleanest river I have ever seen.
White guy here. I think one of the aspects of white and class privilege–at least in North America–is that there’s nothing we “don’t do” in the sense the author means it. I think that’s a outlook everyone should enjoy.
(There are, on the other hand, lots of things I can think of that I think of that “are not done,” like discussing finances socially, but that’s a different kettle of fish.)
One reason, using that privilege perspective, is maybe that (mainstream/assimilated/you-know-what-I mean) white people don’t think of themselves as white–they don’t need to–they are able/allowed to just think of themselves as people.
“Black people don’t ___.” is one of my biggest pet peeves.
From listening to rock n’ roll to watching the Winter Olympic games to following the space program to collecting stamps. I’ve heard it all and it saddens me because folks don’t get that they’re limiting themselves. If white folks told us we couldn’t ___ we’d be up in arms.
This is truly one of the saddest things about my peeps. The good news is that I’m from a family that said the world is for me and doggone it, I live full out and explore whatever interests me. I’m not letting anyone dictate my tastes and pursuits, although it often makes one an oddity in the community. (Sigh)
No simple answers. Here’s my view and experience of “mixing” outside my assigned demographic domain: one family or one individual may be welcomed effusively, two generate glances and murmurs, three cause a rumble of discontent. Then comes the tipping point when THEY feel overrun because the complexion of the place is changing. They create a climate that makes you feel uncomfortable. And after you’ve paid your money, you express resentment at the perceived mistreatment. They in turn act nastier. You don’t want to go back because you feel unwelcome and you don’t want to waste time and money on a “fun” experience that leaves you broke, pissed off, and thinking “black people don’t do that.”
@ Dersk and GoodKarma : black people always refer to feeling freer in Europe. I don’t disagree, but I’m stunned by the reprehensible treatment Africans, Arabs, and some Asians face when they settle in France, for example. Or for that matter Turks and Sub-Saharan Africans in other parts of Western Europe.
The bottom line here in America is that you DO have a legal right to public accommodations and equal protection by law. So whether it’s restaurants, amusements, or the bowling alley on 42nd St., if you feel you’re not welcomed then that’s all the more reason to assert your equality.
As for camping and all those outdoorsy things, I can’t imagine black folks being unable to do them. Those skills helped them survive on the plantations, on their trek north, and living in other marginal situations.
One final anecdote. When I started skiing, I often went on Sunday excursions operated out of New York City by a black club. Half the people were novices like myself. The other half (mostly guys) skiied like they were born doing it. A few years later as I was skiing in Colorado, I rode up on a lift with Gordon Parks. I knew his work, we had a nice chat, and enjoyed briefly sharing the experience we were having in that cold and controlled white wilderness . I didn’t see any other black people that day, but that shouldn’t stop me or anyone else from pursuing an activity they find interesting.
LAA
I’m with cocolamala. Some of the things that fall under this category, have alot to do with where black people may or may not be welcomed, or the education of such topics in the home.
I went skiing once, and it really didn’t work out for me. I passed out from the thin air and did not have a good experience. The lack of POC also drove me crazy because in the end, it was not like the brochure where one is sitting in the ski lodge meeting new people with a cup of hot cocoa in their hand.
“In other words, experience translates to knowledge, and we can further extrapolate that knowledge translates to opportunity. So, when we limit our experiences, we limit our knowledge, thus we limit our opportunities.”
I struggled with this point. I do agree, but it really depends on your idea of vacation. For some people vacation is about discovery; and for others, it’s a chance to “get away” from learning about everyone else. I’m not sure the issue in this case sits with “things black people won’t do”, or things we do all year long, and don’t always wish to include into our vacations.
I recently went to Europe for a month with my family, and while we had a great time, we were all on four very different trips. I’m an art student, and I wanted to see everything I studied in college, but the rest of my family saw it in very different lights; and in the end our wants, ideals, and perhaps educations created some tension.
My parents came from poor and middle class backgrounds HOWEVER they were raised in rural communities, so a lot of things I was told by urban black kids who grew up in cities were things “black people don’t do”, were things people in my family did a lot! That included hunting, fishing, boating and even camping–a lot of outdoor things.
A lot of people are surprised how much I know about quilting, crocheting, and other crafts because so much is made of those things being the domain of Southern white women–yet all of my family has done those things for generations.
My family traveled a lot and my parents made it a point to make sure we went to museums, cultural events ,etc.
However as a little girl one of the times I was most angry at my father is when I begged to take gymnastics or ballet. He felt I would be embarrassed because in our community I would be the ONLY black girl in the class. He tried to steer me toward sports like track and basketball, which I had no interest in.
Black folks do everything in the Washington, DC metropolitan area where I live. I can name several organizations of Blacks who regularly go on skiing trips, camping trips and group trips abroad.
While I’m dismayed that the test scores in the public system where I live are horrible, I am encouraged that there are robotics clubs (starting in 1st grade) and chess clubs available for students whose parents enroll them.
The Kennedy Center has Symphony concerts for children but I don’t take my son because I don’t like that type of music.
I really believed my parents when they said that I could do and be anything that wanted. I was on a swim team, both diving and swimming, I camp ,backpack, canoe, and kayak, things that black folks allegedly don’t do. Sometimes, when I speak to young black people, I realize how often we place artificial limits on our horizons which only limits our growth as individuals. People would be suprised at the number of black people who do things that black people don’t do. In fact years ago, I helped organize a group of black men and women to do those things, i.e., things that black people do not do.
Ithink the things black people don’t do is more generational than anything. While I don’t know anyone that bunji jumps, there are black ski groups, etc. I’ve never heard it said that we dont do art museums, or plays or the symphony..I must have missed something because I love new experiences.
African Americans have ventured into new areas of employment and residence in the last 50 years in all areas of the US. The fact that African Americans don’t stray from certain types of entertainment venues and vacation destinations may have to do with “comfort zones”. Some of us can remember not long ago we were brutally beat, injured and killed for trying to elevate ourselves into new roles in our country. Unfortunately, for some of us, these memories are still very real. I believe that this may be one explanation for not selecting certain areas to live and work in the US.
I researched the US Park Service and found an interesting piece of our history.
Buffalo Soldiers forged the national park system movement in South Western United States territories in the 1800′s. I don’t think it is out of the usual for African Americans to visit a national park which is a national treasure as well as a black historical landmark.
Chimamanda Adichie speaks of the danger of the single story. She says “[t]he consequence of the single story is this, it robs of people of dignity. It makes our regonition of our equal humanity difficult. It emphasizs how we are different rather than how we are simliar.”
The danger of this post it only offers one view of African Americans and therefore is limited. It seems as if these families decided that since they hadn’t had this experience then others had not and therefore African Americans do not do that.
So, we must reject the single story of African Americans. Adichie says, “[W]hen we reject the single story…when we realize that there is never a single story about any place [or people] we regain a kind of paradise.”
For more on Chimamanda Adichie and the danger of the single story, follow the link – http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html
This account reminded me of the conversations that would often ensue when my late husband and I were about to leave for one of our travel adventures. We were blessed to visit the 48 contiguous states during our seven years of marriage. Most often, people would ask if we planned to go the the great outlet malls or visit the casinos in the target areas. Those were never our destinations; if they had been, we’d probably have spent less time traveling because of the costs of gambling (and losing) and recreational buying!
They seemed taken aback when we revealed that white water rafting, hot air ballooning, visiting national parks, and the like, were the activities we sought.
On many of our trips, we say other people of color only when we deliberately sought the black communities. It was sometimes painful to see no black presence at some attractions – George Washington Carver’s birthplace has informative, engaging features for old and young, but the school groups we encountered there were lily-white; we saw no one of (apparent) African heritage at Pike’s Peak, the Little Big Horn, nor most of the other many cultural/educational/historic sites that are freely or inexpensively available to visit.
My family is making it a point to expose our youngsters to experiences beyond the “norm,” as is my church’s youth ministry, but for many blacks of all ages, we, sadly, continue to voluntarily limit ourselves.
I always find it interesting when people talk of people telling them about things that black people don’t do. I was raised in Detroit, which has just about every type of black person you could think of, and black people did (just about) EVERYTHING. I come from the perspective that if black people don’t do something, and you are black and doing it, well then now black people do that too! It really is about exposure and perspective. Instead of getting angry when folks express their lack of exposure, I try to introduce them to some new thangs (cue the hip hop music)…
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