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Love Isn't Enough is a blog about parenting and race.
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I get frustrated (and a little confused) every time I hear a black person express contempt at the term “people of color.” Does anyone have any information on where this came from? I use the term a lot, but from time to time I hear a fellow African American say, “I am *not* a person of color,” or some other things that implies that person of color is an insult. Unfortunately, it’s always been in a situation where I wasn’t able to talk to that particular person alone to find out why they felt that way. Is it being confused with “colored” or … is it seen as “not black” or something else I’m unaware of?
All this media coverage about people wanting to find out about Haitian adoptions after the earthquake has me kind of weirded out. While I understand the desire to help, and there may well be a pent up demand for adoptions, I keep feeling like there’s something missing in coverage that makes so much of the possibility for abuse by baby peddlers, but doesn’t cover the problems of prospective parents who don’t get good education or counseling. Is anyone else feeling the oddness? Is there any coverage of the issues in adopting cross-racially & cross-culturally alongside the coverage of the rush to adopt?
Well, I just found this:
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/004055.html
but the guy’s white (I think). His complaints with it seem to be mainly linguistic.
By the way, do you have ANY idea how weird it feels to google “dislike people of color”?
Does anyone know of a children’s book that addresses a child having two families without mentioning, or at least without emphasizing, divorce? My fiance was not married to his daughter’s mother and thus, there was no divorce. He lived with her for only a very short time, so books that say “Mom and Dad used to live together…” do not mirror the situation. We are looking for books for his 6 1/2 year old that address a similar situation. The child’s mother and my fiance are African American and I am Caucasian. I am also interested in children’s books about diverse families in general. Thanks!
T,
I feel the same oddness you do. And the MAIN reason why I feel that oddness which really is irritation is because it could EASILY be a situation where a child was adopted and their Haitian parents had NO idea and was still looking for the child’s body thinking the child died in the earthquake.
We have to be responsible enough that Haitian children who come here after the earthquake are given the dignity of a search for living relatives in Haiti. Its the same dignity afforded to American parents whose American children were missing after Haiti’s earthquake.
There is a difference between Haitian children who already were in the process of adoption, whose future adoptive parents were waiting on the paperwork to be finalized AND Haitian children who literally survived the earthquake but got separated from their parents or don’t know for sure their parents are dead and ended up in the States.
How confusing would it be for a child to suddenly be adopted in the latter circumstance. . . and how exploitative it would be for that to happen without accountability for where the child’s parents are first.
Adrienne,
I share that concern. I think there are a lot of rumors running about Haitian orphans right now, but as I understand it, the only orphans that are actually being brought to the US are those that were matched for adoption and proven to be “orphans” prior to the earthquake.
Our son from Haiti just came home on humanitarian parole, but we had been in process for over 2 years. There were many kids at his orphanage that were not allowed to leave the country, because their paperwork was not as far along.
I also find it curious that so many people who never considered adoption, or transracial adoption, suddenly want to adopt. I really don’t think the children orphaned from this earthquake will be allowed to be adopted, for the reasons you mention. It would be nice if this caused people to turn their attention to the thousands of children in foster care who are legally free for adoption and waiting for families.
T, this is a very important concern. I see that Jae Ran Kim (Harlow’s Monkey) has just posted on this topic as well. Yes, time and resources definitely need to be dedicated to helping family members in Haiti find each other, especially for children who have become separated from their families or who have had some family members die.
Incidentally, “Family Finding” is something in which the Red Cross has developed skills (and probably other organizations, too, perhaps UNICEF?) The Red Cross’ methods have been adapted to help foster kids in the U.S. get linked back up with extended family members. (e.g., see: http://www.senecacenter.org/familyfinding).
Sharon, great idea to link to the Red Cross’s family finding. I want to second your idea that organizations could be looking into their methods of helping separated families.
I just wanted to say Thanks to Jae Rin and the rest of the folks at the Adoptees of Color Roundtable for their AWESOME anti-racist analysis of the Haiti adoption thing. Not only are we talking about the rush possibly getting kids away from families and possibly enriching unrighteous baby sellers, they point out the imperialist, white supremacist attitudes behind it that it is okay for us to take children out of their culture because they are in crisis and impoverished, and that we know best what will help change that. YAY!!!!! Thanks a ton!
T.
Amy, I am not sure if I know of any books that address your “blended” family’s needs. Perhaps you could create your own story book for your child, let your child create one and/or do it together?
Amazon.com has been a useful source for finding books that may not be available in other outlets.