[Editor's note: When I read Jennifer's post below, I was struck by the idea that even as a youth, the boy in Colson Whitehead's book knew to avoid actions that might reaffirm racial stereotypes, even if that meant denying some real want or intrinsic part of himself. Though Whitehead's book is fiction, this way that people of color contort themselves in the face of bias is not fictional. It is also real that we often teach our children to contort themselves. There is a black comedian who has this riff on black folks in the age of Obama, how now we can relax, but how back in the day certain behaviors done in public would prompt a "Don't go acting a fool in front of white folks!" My experience is that there are many good reasons for members of marginalized groups to monitor their behavior around the majority. It's not fair, but often necessary. Can we communicate these things without teaching our children to deny their authentic selves? Does it matter? Is the idea of changing your behavior in the presence of the majority a bad one?]
written by guest contributor Jennifer; originally published at Mixed Race America
But this isn’t going to be a book review (although one will be coming). I introduce his latest novel because I want to quote from a long paragraph since it really got me thinking about stereotypes–about how we learn stereotypes, how they get perpetuated, how we try to resist and defy them, and what we do when we find ourselves paradoxically in a situation where we know our actions or clothing or speech may be perpetuating stereotypes yet none-the-less we are being authentically ourselves.
So to set the scene, Whitehead’s fifteen-year-old protagonist, Benji, is musing about things that one absolutely did not do if one is black because there are certain stereotypes that you are never, EVER to perpetuate:
“You didn’t, for example, walk down Main Street with a watermelon under your arm. Even if you had a pretty good reason. Like, you were going to a potluck and each person had to bring an item and your item just happened to be a watermelon, luck of the draw, and you wrote this on a sign so everyone would understand the context, and as you walked down Main Street you held the sign in one hand and the explained watermelon in the other, all casual, perhaps nodding between the watermelon and the sign for extra emphasis if you made eye contact. This would not happen. We were on display. You’d add cover purchases, as if you were buying hemorrhoid cream or something, throw some apples in the basket, a carton of milk, butter, some fucking saltines, and all smiles at the register.” (Whitehead 88)
[Aside: I know I will be accused of being either naive or disingenuous, but I didn't get the whole stereotype of African Americans and watermelon until I had graduated from college and was working as an Assistant Resident Director at UCSB. But I must admit that it was only while doing RA and ARD training that I started to learn a lot about ethnic and racial stereotypes that had somehow never blipped across my radar to pierce my consciousness. In hindsight I can see how they all played out in cartoons--you know those racist Loony Tune cartoons (I still vividly remember one of Tojo and WWII and Bugs Bunny and a Liberty garden) but somehow I never made the connection between pop culture and real people in a conscious way until I hit college. Or maybe it was there all along and I was repressing it, who knows]
Whitehead’s passage reminds me of a story that my friend “M” told me. “M” is African American and this exact scenario happened to him–he was headed to a bbq, asked to pick up watermelon, and while walking from the supermarket to his car encountered a black friend who pointed at the watermelon, and they both laughed.
So it got me thinking. I mean, “M” likes watermelon. Is he supposed to not buy watermelon or get a non-black friend to buy watermelon for him because he doesn’t want to be perpetuating stereotypes? I sometimes think of these things, especially when I find myself either in Chinatown or during my one trip to Hong Kong. There are these beautiful dresses, cheongsam, and I thought of buying one. But then I thought, when would I wear it?
So I have never bought one, although I’d like to. I just can’t envision a place where I’d feel comfortable wearing it. It’s a special-occasion type dress, evening wear. When I first got married (and I mean my first marriage not my impending one), I contemplated changing into one after the ceremony, a typical move that Chinese/Chinese American brides often make–wearing a Western gown for one portion and a traditional gown for another part of the wedding. But honestly, now, especially in the South, would I really wear this to the English Department holiday party? Wouldn’t I just be wearing a sign saying, “My name Suzy Wong. I good girl” (is everyone old enough to get that reference? It’s a PG reference, I figure you can use your imaginations to imagine other versions).
Anyway, I’m wondering, dear readers, if there are any things you avoid that you genuinely like to do in order NOT to feel like you are perpetuating a certain stereotype about your ethnic or racial group. And most especially, I’m wondering, are there things that white Americans avoid because they don’t want to be stereotyped as…white Americans? Would a middle-aged white American man avoid buying a maserati even if he wanted one because he didn’t want to be a walking cliche? I suppose I could say I avoid wearing tweed jackets with leather patches on the elbows, but the thing is, I’m so NOT what one has in mind when you are asked to envision a college English professor that I think me wearing this outfit would be seen as ironic rather than stereotypical.
Oh, there are so many things I avoid as a black person. I refuse to:
1. Carry the watermelon if we’re at the farmer’s market.
2. Order catfish if it’s on the menu
3. Wear animal prints or any manner of the african “tribal” jewelry
4. Speak with a dialect in public or in mixed company
5. Get visibly angry
6. Listen to identifiably black music on the radio at work
7. Give less than 15% tip even if the service sucks unless I’m in a group of nonblacks and we all give low tips.
There’s probably way more things but it all adds up to the same intent of not perpetuating sterotypes and not screwing things up for the next black person who come along.
as a lesbian I would never ever wear dungarees! other things are a matter of ‘degree’ (ie toning down opinions depending on the groups present)
I so hear you. I have lamented many times that Hollywood has ruined our chances of ever wearing a Chi Pao again: We will either look like a hostess at a Chinese restaurant or a high-end hooker, or both. One almost needs to be non-Asian now in order to don a Chi Pao without the baggage. (Even Eddie Izzard could wear it!)
The title of your post. It is a true $64,000 question, isn’t it? Not growing up in the U.S. as an Asian American, I didn’t learn about stereotypes of people of Asian descent nor realize stereotypes of other peoples until I came to the US for graduate study (Performance Studies nonetheless). I didn’t have to worry about reinforcing anything until all of a sudden I found myself The Other. It’s a doubly schizophrenic existence. At first I was extremely conscientious: I was loud and obnoxious. To hell with the Lotus Blossom. As I grow older though, I get tired of living through the lens of what a”racist person” may see in me. Stereotypes are stereotypes because there are always 2 sides to the coin: Lotus Blossom vs. Dragon Lady. Kung fu master vs. bookworm. Either way, “they” figure they have you pegged. At the risk of oversimplifying the race discourses, I’d like to propose that we work “through” the “types” in order to disablize them. Lure the spectators in with comforting (for them) stereotypes, and then turn the stereotypes around to force the spectators into questioning their own preconceived notions of “The Other”. For instance, I wonder about a scenario in which a Chinese American female scholar presents a paper on a Canonical Western author in “perfect” English with a downhome Southern drawl in a traditional Chinese dress. Would it force the audience to confront their own preconceived notions of who she is as soon as she starts speaking? Of course, this begs the question of What are the rest of us that still DO speak with an “Asian” accent to do about all this?
OMG, I loved reading the posts and can definetly admit to being overly sensitive when it comes to “stereotypical” behavior.
I’m mixed and am light complected(is this even a word…grew up in the south and heard it used alot). My 3 girls are very light as well. Anyway, hip-hop music has become so much a part of mainstream culture now, but years ago whenever one of my girls had their white friends over, I would ALWAYS change the radio station when a hip-hop song came on or something soulful. I wouldn’t want our white friends to think that we actually liked music sung by black artists…seeing as how we’re black and all.
Also, whenever we’re around family, we can relax and “chuck and jive” but would NEVER think of talking this way in front of white people, because you know that all black people talk a certain way.
AND, lets not forget that “head rolling” thing that black girls do on the play grounds. My 7 yr. old does this and it makes me want to scream! Her friends at school think she is the coolest because she knows how to do this(she’s the ONLY brown skin girl in her entire school)
Thanks
consider the other side of the coin. would you want your child engaging in stereotypical behavior in order to attempt to affirm they are black,white,Asian,native, etc enough??? No??? so why would i or my child change who we are around anyone who doesn’t know us or care enough about us to not project their own ignorance and stereotypes upon us. i am married to a white man who comes from the third ‘whitest”(i am the only none white person they know) family i know . i i will not ever hesitate to bring a watermelon to a family function. considering the fact that most Americans can’t afford fresh fruit and/ or are obese and hasn’t eaten a fruit or home cooked meal for that matter, in years, no one has the right to say anything about anyone eating a watermelon!!!!
Incredible, I was just thinking about this before I logged on. With both girls on the already stereotyped “Jersey Shore” admitting that they have not a scrap of Italian ancestry between them (one is Chilean and the other of Spanish and Irish background) I think that Italian Americans don’t have any clear cultural markers for a pop culture stereotype to avoid apart from Mafia affiliations. The stereotype of being Italian American now carrys an outdated, pseudo colourful panache to it in the media that in easily appropriated by almost anyone.
On the street and job site however, an Italian American is still supposed to avoid anyone African American and not associate closely with African immigrant nor darker Latinos as well. The stereotypes around an Italian American involve being separated from other immigrants and minorities as much as possible as to utilize the alchemy race in the US eg: magically become “nordic white.” We have been expected by white supremacy to maintain this by bleaching our hair/going blond, being openly racist/conservative in civil organizations and changing our last names, the latter of which two of my grandparents did as late as the 1950′s.
Showing disgust and indignation at The Columbus day parade being transmogrified in “Indigenous Peoples” is another stereotype we are supposed to maintain.
I mean sure, don’t walk down the street in a tank top eating a salami but sadly the stereotypes as a Italians we have, we are expected to maintain as way to help with the white power structure’s juggernaut on shaping peoples opinions about AAs and many non-European immigrants. If we don’t we might “lose the magic white spell” wondrously bestowed on us during the earlier art of the 20th century by US immigration and naturalization.
Mmmm, I’m always aware of that “man-hating lesbian” appearance, so when straight friends complain about their husbands/boyfriends/etc, I always try to make very diplomatic comments that fall along the lines of giving him a break (even if he’s been a jackass).
Funny story – my partner and I were in a Home Depot in North Carolina, holding hands as we walked around (ill advised, I know), and an older white lady with fluffy big hair and an equally fluffy, equally white poodle under her arm gave us the stink eye. It struck me as hilarious – big-haired whitey-white-clunky jewelry-yippy dog straight old lady glaring at lesbians in a hardware store! Ddon’t come to the lesbian mother ship and stare down the inhabitants!
As a Jew, I share Zoopath’s problem on tipping…except that I can’t tip less than 15%, pretty much ever. If I’m with a group of Jews, we have to tip high, no matter how lousy the service, or we’ll have confirmed the stereotype to the restaurant staff. When I’m going out with gentile friends, I have to tip high, no matter how lousy the service, or I’ll have confirmed the stereotype to my *friends.* And the funny thing is, complaining about it makes me feel like I’m hitting a trifecta of Jewish stereotypes- being cheap, liking to complain, and seeing persecution that isn’t there. It’s a nightmare.
I’m a Filipina American but for the most part everyone I meet assumes I’m white only. When my husband and I travel out of the country we try to act very low key so as to not perpetuate the “ugly white American” stereotype.
Also, I was a bartender/server for many years and when I waited on people of color I generally made sure they got over the top excellent service (I was typically a very grumpy server) so that they wouldn’t think I was buying into the stereotype that people of color tip poorly.
as a jew i’ll add to the tipping thing not speaking or laughing too loudly.
I’m curious about the Jewish stereotypes–I live in New York City and have never given a thought to the stereotypes of being cheap, etc., mentioned by comments #8 and #10. I don’t deny others’ concern about it but I haven’t heard it expressed by Jewish friends here in NYC. Is it because I live in an area with lots of Jews? Also, I’m wondering how the waitstaff in a restaurant can tell whether Heather and her friends are Jewish or not.
As a white woman who is married to a black man I do not wear big earrings or dress down in public (ie: sweatpants, warm ups, sports jersey). I don’t do corn rows or tight pony tails (this might sound weird but when I was in Africa everyone white was pushing it). I try not to curse in public. I ALWAYS wear my wedding ring when I am out with my son (who is obviously mixed) so as not to perpetuate the “young white woman impregnated by a Black dude who isn’t around” stereotype. I am also always conscious of the “white woman praying on black men” thing…and I don’t want to be seen as someone who exoticizes or looks for a particular race of guy based on their stereotyped characteristics…it was real about the inside and not the outside (cliche as that sounds) for our relationship and i want that to be known.
@ZooPath: my husband has a number of rules like that in unknown, white company:
- no cursing
- no slang talk
- no purchasing of watermelons alone
- never order ribs (and at a BBQ he’s ultra conscious of eating too many)
- don’t talk loud or ’cause a scene’
- always tip well
- maintain a pleasant demeanor (no glaring or angry looks)
- work dress is very conservative (no ‘loud’ ties, shirts, suits)
- no discussion of ‘black’ music around totally white friends.
- always be on time
Many, many others…
For our son:
- no monkeys or racoons on his clothing
- no cursing in front of him, teaching him to say “shut up” or “I don’t care” (like my white friends taught their kids) is not happening
- always must have clean and moisturized hair when leaving the house and going somewhere new
- must wear nice, clean clothes that are in good condition
- controlling the temper is key
Whew! Its easy to see why it would be hard to relax around white people if you are always keeping in mind all of these societally-imposed rules. Part of my privilege as a white person is that I have very few “rules” when I am out by myself. Only the “don’t be a crass American” rule. Other than that, I’m pretty golden. Its very sad and it disgusts me.
@Amanda…I am not exactly sure of the tone of your post. I am Italian American and I certainly associate with Black people (obviously) and I have never even heard the stereotype that Italians don’t associate with Blacks. There is a stereotype that Italians are racist…and I would think acting to combat the stereotype, as the post is discussing, would be doing the opposite: going out of your way to be open and friendly with POC…
I either make fun of stereotypes about white americans or shake my head sadly about them. It’s hard not to. Our stereotypes are that we’re crude, uncultured, unrefined, disrespectful, self-important, egotistic, arrogant, etc. I try not to work too hard to avoid those stereotypes- because if I *have* to work hard to do so in the first place there’s a serious problem.
A lot of trans gendered people have to deal with that decision as well, only the other way. We *have* to play the more “positive” stereotypes to be accepted. I’ve seen a lot of women have to dress way girlier than they might want to, give up succesful careers in “male” jobs (although plenty get fired, to), and in general play up the female stereotypes just to be accepted as real women.
The men do it, too, but society has way too much pressure on men to be super-macho in general, so it’s not only trans men who get that.
Montclair Mommy: Our experiences are obviously very different. I wrote nothing suggesting that I would not fight racism against POC , I wrote that as Italian American I was expected NOT TO and just be absorbed into Nordic American supremacy and stay quiet.
That is stereotype that I avoid despite how many in mainstream America (and to a smaller but nonetheless significant extent AAs) want darker Europeans simply “absorbed” into ” POC’ and to define oneself becomes a matter of nether placating the liberal multiculturalists nor the white right.
My tone is that as Italian Americans we are stereotyped, impersonated and fetishisized (ala Jersy Shore ) or we fade into other cultures (and Iron Eyes Cody, Irish people). We are in a cultural grey area between “fun to imitate” to baseball wielding Bensonhusrt thugs in Spike Lee movies to Mafia to Knight of Columbus to not really being descenrabile visually; the most famous Italian Americans are only half Italian or are barely/ to not Italian at all, like DeNiro or madonna.
I’m not sure what part of the states your from or what part of Italy your ancestors are from but being 3/4s Italian and having relatives and ancestors who come from Calabria, Sicily and Naples and who immigrated to an Irish part of NYC, racism towards black and Puerto Ricans was and still is the rule. Many Italian Americans are supposed to always separate themselves from darker immigrants or POC. I would suggest you read “Were You Always an Italian’ by Maria Laurino and “Whiteness of a Different Colour” By Matthew Frye Jacobson and about the colourline regarding immigration and naturalization for Greeks, Alpines, Slavs and Italians.
If you have ancestry North of Rome and/or if no one’s ever asked “what are you?” this side of Italian America may not register with you.
“If you’re walking with Black you’ll be seen as black” was an awful term my grandparents often used. My brother who is Northern European looking is favoured by them as well. I face race issues but have the significance of the negativity reduced in many anti-racist circles because I still have white privilege, a concept I don’t completely concede to nor completely disagree with, given how much racism I’ve dealt with. Despite all that though I refuse to align myself with ‘lighter and whiter” and very conservative side of Italian America and play into the stereotype. Hope that is clearer.
A classic example of what I referred to has been occurring in Southern Italy, particularly Calabria this past few months. Ghananian and other African immigrants protesting unfair employment practices and racist treatment are being ostracised, attacked and murdered by Southern Italians, the latter long considered “the darker aka ‘Black’ people” of Europe.
“There is trouble in the old country and all those immigrants are stealing jobs from the agrarian economy that does not want them there and they are destroying our culture and raping our girls…”
That above style racism, a barely concealed racist/xenophobic lament for the “old country” is something along the lines of what I would have heard Italian American voices had this happened during my childhood.
Brown people oppress blacks and become “white.” White supremacist websites suddenly springing to the defence of Southern Italy(!) Just sickeningly sad.
I am white and I’ve usually lived in small towns with somewhat… uncultured people. I turned out not so cultured myself, as a result, but I try to be. One of my main concerns is actually just being seen as the “ignorant racist American” because I may not be so socially intelligent as to not offend someone or not always realize what someone else would have to deal with in their lives (especially when fighting racism/stereotypes). I have no idea what growing up as a minority in America (or elsewhere for that matter) is like so I guess I might never fully understand. I just don’t want people to think I’m intentionally being rude/stupid.
I also don’t feel comfortable listening to rap music black people. I don’t want to be seen as the “I think I’m black” girl even though I just genuinely like the music. Or country music. In front of anyone. I really enjoy folk/classic rock/oldies/older country but I feel like that people who don’t know me will see me as A. a dirty tree hugging hippie (I like peace and love and trees and all that jazz but I’m just not a hippie…) B. a dirty stupid redneck (just because a lot of people I know seem to either hate country music or like country music but think that everyone else who listens to the music must feel/think just like them). I also avoid certain types of clothing so as not to look too “scene”/emo/punk/goth to anyone, even though my fashion tastes are very eclectic and kitschy. I don’t want my friends to think that I think I’m oh so cool or something.
I never even realized I did all of this until I started thinking about it. And I never really thought of people having to hide their true selves just so that people didn’t think they were trying to perpetuate stereotypes. And now I see all these people and that even I do it too. Wow, definitely a learning experience… I’ll think twice next time I feel annoyed at someone “acting stereotypical”. Maybe that’s just who they are.
“I’m wondering, are there things that white Americans avoid because they don’t want to be stereotyped as…white Americans?”
As a white American, I have found myself not so much avoiding as overcompensating: I have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to make sure I don’t fit the stereotype of one of “those” white people, with behaviors such as:
- deliberately making eye contact and smiling determinedly at strangers of color on the street (I’m not like other white people; I see you!);
- bringing up the topic of racism when meeting people of color, especially African-Americans, so they’ll get that I’m an ally;
- leading with my bicultural, overseas upbringing so I’m not just another white American.
I have sometimes purchased things I didn’t really want or need because the seller was a person of color and I didn’t know how to walk away and/or didn’t want to seem rude/hurt their feelings and/or I assumed they needed the money more than I did (even though I’m a self-employed artist who is often challenged by the gap between my bills and my income).
The unconscious stuff makes us behave so strangely.
As a white person, I find my greatest fear seems to be being accused of cultural appropriation. I attended a very diverse university and it was a hugely positive experience for me. (I came from a suburban town that was about 95% white.) Also, the area that I live in has seen a tremendous amount of Asian immigration over the past 20 years. I really enjoy studying Asian languages, cooking and eating Asian food, and viewing traditional Asian art. But by doing so, am I guilty of cultural appropiation? Am I going to be labeled as some white woman with an Asian fetish? As a white person, am I allowed to enjoy other people’s cultures or am I stuck with just Western culture? (Submom mentioned that one almost has to be white to don the Chi Pao, but white people wearing “ethnic dress” will probably offend large numbers of people from that very group.) We live in a multicultural society and yet I feel we’re still pigeonholed by our race/ethnicity as to how we “should” act.
As a (phenotypically, at least) white American, there are definitely things I avoid! I’ve actually been thinking a lot about this lately, as I’ve been trying to deconstruct why I feel act so defensively and negatively when a pure-white friend brings up stuff like skiing, snowboarding, bowling, white people music, certain clothing, hipster culture stuff, liking police, etc.
I think my reaction has something to with not wanting to be associated with the stereotype. I would definitely shy away from, or at least not ever want anyone to know about it, if I went skiing, listened to Nickelback (or John Mayer or whatever), etc.
As someone who is only a quarter Japanese, I can also get away with doing Japanese things without fulfilling a stereotype… but then it looks like I’m culturally appropriating! Haha, it’s complicated.
To add: Also, whether I’m around whites, POC, a mixture, whatever, I try to be very self-aware of whiteness. For example, at a movie I’ll say “why is everyone in this movie white?” or even jokingly at the mall “why do all the mannequins have to be white??”
By consciously running away from those stereotypes, aren’t you giving in to them? What’s wrong with carrying a watermelon (for a black person)? Yes, there is a stereotype, but at some point, you just need to live your life and be yourself. I can understand wanting to avoid the most egregious stereotypes like sounding ignorant. But by trying too hard to not be the stereotype, you’re just giving too much power to them. You’re saying that society dictates how you should be and that it is up to you to prove yourself to society. Just be yourself. It is up to society to judge you for who you are.
But you may say, that’s not how society works. At some point, you just need to be you. Yes, at a job interview, image is important, but you just need to live your life.
@Amanda: It sounds like I have had a very different experience. I am Southern Italian (my father is second generation). I have faced the “what are you?” question. Mostly “Are you Jewish or Italian? Greek?” People often speak to my father in Spanish and Arabic, thinking that he would understand. My sister often gets mistaken for being Latina or, more specifically, Brazilian. That sort of Italian (Southern/Calabrian). But I don’t consider that to be isolating or hurtful or racist to the same extent as it would be if a mixed race person were asked the same question. In my opinion, hurtful stereotypes towards Italians are not even on the same wavelength as racism towards POC (which I don’t consider myself, nor any other Italian that is not a black Italian, Asian Italian, etc (from Italy). I don’t consider myself, nor have I ever been treated as, a minority. I have never had to wage a genuine fight to be seen as a legitimate member of society. Maybe we are from different generations? My grandfather had a very similar “Italians are discriminated against, too.” sort of mentality. I, personally, don’t see it. And I’ve lived in a bunch of places, both with and without tons of Italians. I have lived in Maryland (moderate amount of Italians), New Jersey (my area is chock full of us), Chicago (pretty sparse), Michigan (near to nonexistent), Hawai’i (…none). I didn’t feel like an outsider in any of those places. My family was not happy about my choosing to marry a Black man, but they got over it without incident. I don’t feel comfortable in all-Italian communities because of the stereotype of racism towards POC, that is true. And, I agree, there is a lot of racism in the Italian-American community. But, I feel like part of trying to fall outside of that stereotype of Italian-Americans is actively seeking out communion with POC. See what I mean? I just don’t see how your post addresses what you do to NOT be seen as a “typical (ie: racist) Italian American”. That was my point, not whether racism exists or doesn’t exist in the IA community. It exists in every community. That’s not the point, though. Your tone was a little offensive to me and also seemed off-topic and “People are racist against me, too!”
“I’m wondering, are there things that white Americans avoid because they don’t want to be stereotyped as…white Americans?”
As a white Southerner, I absolutely cringe at how Hollywood portrays us – and the national media. I swear whenever they come to town they hunt down the most ignorant, stereotypical “Southerner” they can find. In one case, two colleagues were stopped on the street and asked to comment on a political situation. One is a white man, the other is a black woman. Both were well-dressed and gave well-informed, reasoned answers. But who made into the story? Not them, but a homeless man with the Confederate flag on his jacket!!! And, yes, I know he’s homeless – he’s one of the regulars in the area.
Re: fried catfish, etc. I had no idea that was an issue for African-Americans. My goodness, fried catfish, fried chicken, ribs, collards, sweet potatoes…that’s not just “Black” food, that’s Southern food. I don’t see how you can separate the two. That’s what my grandmothers and mother have always cooked, and that’s what I like to cook (though our diet is expanded with other ethnic dishes that my grandparents never had, and I don’t put the fatback in the black-eyed peas anymore).
I can’t remember the exact quote by Assata Shakur, but it went something like this:
“In the future, when everyone is equal and free, it won’t matter how you wear your hear. There will be no oppressors to mimic or avoid mimicking.”
Dang it. “Hair,” not “hear.” Stupid mid-afternoon brain fart.
I am white, a stay at home mom. I will never wear a polo shirt or capri pants or a visor because they are excruciatingly “white soccer mom.” But I don’t have a minivan. Yet.
Montclair Mommy wrote: “That’s not the point, though. Your tone was a little offensive to me and also seemed off-topic and “People are racist against me, too!””
@ Montclair Mommy that was not what I meant, not even close. *sighs* I think you need to be mistaken for African American (not “Brazilian” or “Jewish”) and live on the West coast. Being who I am, it’s been radically different for me, so why should you be able to relate without getting slightly offended or confused? I can’t say I blame you as being mistaken for African American or mixed with AA and treated as such is far more serious than being mistaken for the nationalities you described. Groups which all have a cute, safe niche in the white supremacist America panoply it’s a Small World after all Disney and all get a free white pass from the media.
For example, having PUBLIC school teachers in a Redneck town tell you, “you look coloured to me” or that you need “a bone through your nose with your hair” carries huge amounts of instantaneous hatred and derision without the “exotic” escape hatch factor of the cultures that you mention despite what’s on my birth certificate and despite who I truly am.
If the comments above, which were made to me as a tween were in turn made to an AA tween, it is still equally as hurtful to both of us because it is coming from a place of all consuming white hatred towards blacks. (Neither teachers were disciplined by the way. This was right before the Clinton era.) Would you tell me as a seven year old, confused by racial nastiness from adults: “Oh you’re so off topic and besides, it’s not like you’re really black…” You could actually tell a child to “hurt less?”
You can’t understand what is like to be treated like an AA until you’ve experienced it repeatedly not just once or twice-every white person should. Then maybe we’d hear less “victim finger pointing” and a lot more silence from conservatives. However, you’d also see a lot more whites fleeing from their friendships with POC for obvious reasons.
Many immigrants from Southern Europe fought not to be seen as “black”, tooth and nail, either visually and metaphorically, it’s a dirty secret of white America. Often because they had no moral roadmap as we do now for defining oneself in employment and in culture and as an immigrant without being hateful and suspicious. Yet even in 2009, I consistently dealt with three different Hispanic women at the clinic during my pre-natal visits last year. They were ok with me not being Hispanic when they learned Casabianca was not spelled with an “l” but were openly very rude that I’m white and marking it on forms. Had the state of California actually had any money left I might have complained to an attorney but choose your battles and move is my motto.
Had my grandmother been with me, all I would of heard of is “how the illegal immigrants from south of the border are jealous if Italian Americans etc etc…”
A few smug remarks about blacks, staying far away from anti-racism and debates like this and I become “whiter” and my whiteness is assured. What are we never supposed to say on this site? That “there is no way that I could EVER be racist.” Well, I have been tempted and sadly on occasion given into racism by trying to adapt to white supremacy. So once again:
How I avoid being a stereotype is NOT giving into the Southern Italian and let’s face it , much of white America’s , thinly veiled racism towards other dark people especially blacks. To celebrate being Italian I don’t have to mourn for the old world being “over run by Africans” which is a stereotype I’m expected to maintain as Italy is now proving itself to being one of the most nationalistic in Western Europe..
SO YES I FIGHT THE STEREOTYPE DO NOT PLAY INTO IT OR UP TO IT and it is not off topic at all. Thanks.
@E: Agreed. The music and video work I do on You Tube has had me make friends with a few people from the South, including an interracial couple and the more I hear about the South and talk to people who’ve grown up there, the more I realize how much more segregation and lack of racial dialogue there is in places like the SF/Bay Area, than there is what Hollywood and the press call “KKK” country. It’s as if the Rebel Flag people are all I ever hear about regarding the South.
@ jstele
By consciously running away from those stereotypes, aren’t you giving in to them? What’s wrong with carrying a watermelon (for a black person)?
I have EWF ( eating while fat) syndrome. I would never pig out in front of friends, refused to eat near a window or IN PUBLIC because of the stigma on fat women.
A typical “I know Im fat and Im working on it” meal consists of:
Soup
Salad
Water or “healthy” drink
A cookie.
I once had a friend comment that I ate
“so little “.
Now imagine that compared to all the stereotypes on Blacks, obesity and fat greasy food.
Wow…this is heavy!
Amanda…to some extent, I understand where you’re coming from.
I’m of mixed race and I’ve experienced a lot of racism. My hair is the only indication of African ancestry. It is kinky, curly and long. Besides that, I look white. Not Nordic, but like a white girl with brown hair and brown eyes and VERY fair skin. But I’ve also been mistaken for Asian or Hispanic.
It is tough when people spew racist comments at you. I can definitely sympathize with your experiences.
But I wonder why you still identify as White if you aren’t really accepted that way? I’m not judging, I’m simply puzzled by this.
After all, many Italians DO have African blood. Some “white” people are darker than my biracial self and in some instances it is because their bloodlines are mixed. It sounds like you have more in common with POC than you realize.
Anyway, to steer back to the original subject…stereotypes make me cringe.
I hate being stereotyped and I actively work to not stereotype others. Stereotypes indicate a closed mind.
I’ve never carried a watermelon in my life. As a kid, I enjoyed eating watermelon. Now I prefer honeydew.
I’ve never eaten catfish. I prefer salmon. Sometimes I enjoy good Southern-style fried chicken with creamy mashed potatoes. I don’t care if people view that as “stereotypical”.
I like some hip-hop and R & B, but mostly old-school stuff. I dislike rap music. I prefer classical, rock, jazz, folk, and blues.
I wear animal print because I LOVE it. My purses and shoes are animal print…down to my Victoria’s Secret panties with the cute little leopard spots!
Because I’m very shy, fashion is one of the ways that I can express myself. I wear animal print because it is fun and sexy. I don’t care about how other people perceive it.
I’m not loud in public. That isn’t my style.
I sound British when I speak despite growing up in America. Weird, isn’t it? My white husband sometimes hears me conversing with my mother in Jamaican patois.
I don’t roll my neck or catch an attitude with people. That is considered stereotypical “ghetto/hoodrat” behavior. But I do have a very low tolerance for bullshit and I will be quick to tell somebody off if they disrespect me. I’m not an angry person, but I stand up for myself. Some people have attempted to slap me with the “angry Black woman” stereotype because I wouldn’t allow them to walk all over me.
Sometimes it is difficult to not get visibly angry when I consider the ways that stereotypes keep people from simply living life. I feel like I have to modify my words and actions so people will treat me better. I feel like I have to be nicer, cleaner, more well-spoken, more attractive…so that I won’t be unfairly stereotyped and treated like a second-class citizen.