What to do when your child is being bullied

crossposted from Not In Our Town

Brooklyn, NY: A girl in 9-year-old Malik Jones’ * class called him a monkey and said he was dirty. Other students started repeating the girl’s words. When Malik touched something, classmates would wipe the spot he had touched.

Malik is one of three African American students in his elementary school class in Brooklyn. The class is predominantly white, but includes some Latino and Asian children.

“Malik would come home every night and want to wash his hair, but he has dreadlocks and he doesn’t need to wash his hair that frequently. Then we found out he was being called dirty at school,” recalled Mark Jones, Malik’s father. “He is the darkest child in the class and the only one with dreadlocks.”

One day in class, the girl who led the teasing made a mocking reference to “Malik’s face.” Malik had a tantrum. When his father was called to pick him up at school, Malik could not stop crying. “For five to seven minutes, he kept crying and repeating the words “ever, ever, ever,” Jones said.

Malik’s parents have had many meetings with his teacher and school administrators about their son’s racial harassment. After identifying the young girl’s behavior as bullying, the teacher read a book to the class about bullying behavior, hoping to change the children’s relationship. The outcome of this intervention is still unknown.

Jones told school officials that his options were either to ensure that the classroom environment changes, or to pull his son out of the school. The school has pledged to address the issue, but Jones remains guarded.

“My son was having an experience in the school that caused psychological trauma for him,” he said. “I want my son to learn that skill set of coping with people who are racist or simply insensitive…but I don’t want him to suffer through this.”

Millions of families experience the trauma of bullying and harassment. We are looking to the Not In Our Town Network for advice, guidance and best practices.

How do you transform an environment where a child is being harassed?

What would you do if this were your child? If you were the teacher or school administrator what would you do? What can a PTA do to help support families like the Joneses?

If you are a parent, has something like this happened to you?

Please share your responses, expertise and stories in the comments field below.

*Note: This story is based on an interview with the boy’s father, who asked us use a fake name to protect the family’s identity.

Students Tune In and Speak Out (JLS Middle School – Palo Alto, California)

Not In Our Town (NIOT) is a national movement that encourages and connects people who are responding to hate and working to build more inclusive communities.

Not In Our Town uses the power of media, grassroots events, educational outreach and online activities to help communities talk to and learn from each other. Together, Not In Our Town communities share stories and strategies about how to foster safety, inclusion and acceptance.

Developed by The Working Group, Not In Our Town began with a PBS documentary that told the story of how people in Billings, Montana joined together to respond to a series of hate crimes in their town. This simple, powerful story of citizens banding together struck a chord with audiences, and created a model that inspired viewers around the country to hold their own campaigns against intolerance. Now in its second decade, the Not In Our Town movement continues to grow.

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About Tami

Tami Winfrey Harris writes about race, feminism, politics and pop culture at the blog What Tami Said. Her work has also appeared online at The Guardian’s Comment is Free, Ms. Magazine blog, Newsweek, Change.org, Huffington Post and Racialicious. She is a graduate of the Iowa State University Greenlee School of Journalism. She is mom to two awesome stepkids and spends her spare time researching her family history and cultivating a righteous 'fro.
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