Open thread

13 Responses to Open thread

1. Heidi says:

   March 4, 2010 at 1:54 pm

   Does anyone have any suggestions for television shows or movies (cartoons in particular), that young boys would be interested in, that are inclusive of all races, specifically African Americans? Are Little Bill and Little Einsteins any good? What about Class of 3000?
2. Ashley says:

   March 4, 2010 at 1:55 pm

   I’m frustrated and often overwhelmed with the task of educating others about racism, and just living in this racist world. From conversations with people that refuse to consider their privilege, to mean comments I read on the internet, to the systemic injustices I don’t think will ever get any better . . . it is often, almost too much to bear. I only say “almost” because I’m still alive so I must be “bearing it”.

   Sometimes I try to take a break just to get some rest but I can’t stay away long – this fight is too much a part of my life.

   How do you stay passionate without burning out? How do you keep your anger over injustices in check enough to not damage relationships with people who mean a lot to you but aren’t as far on this journey as you are? How do you keep from giving up in despair when it seems things are never going to change?
3. Amanda C. Whelan says:

   March 4, 2010 at 8:30 pm

   “How do you stay passionate without burning out?”

   I take my son outside when the weather is nice as much as possible. And I remember the days when I was younger and played with other children of different backgrounds and races and how fun it was. I try to remember the moments before adults or their little brutes came along and “ruined” things. I also found that it’s galvanizing to spend time with older folks in the movement. They make you feel like you’re not going crazy and that the continuous struggle is worth fighting.
4. Amanda C. Whelan says:

   March 4, 2010 at 8:34 pm

   Anyone else notice that Charlie Sheen is still on the air worldwide? He holds a knife to his wife’s throat and there are no repercussions. He and his wife are both very narcissistic and dangerous parents and yet where are all the sponsors who are supposed to be dropping him ala Tiger Woods?
5. Kristen says:

   March 5, 2010 at 1:33 pm

   @heidi, I absolutely adore Little Bill. There are so many great things about it – the show focuses on teaching pro-social skills. It doesn’t rely on annoying graphics or hyped-up music or spazzy cartoon voices. It’s just a quiet show about a preschool boy and his family, and how he relates to his peers. We love it!
6. Christina says:

   March 5, 2010 at 5:05 pm

   The Charlie Sheen thing is sickening to me. He has a documented history of drug use, violence and abuse, but rather than going to jail, he is one of the highest paid actors on television.
7. S's mom says:

   March 5, 2010 at 6:10 pm

   Heidi~~Little Bill is very good.

   In Little Einsteins, the group of four kids is led by the white boy.

   Yo Gabba Gabba is good.

   Sesame Street is good. Elmo’s voice is done by an African American man.

   Sid the Science Kid is multiracial, I think.
8. Lindsay says:

   March 6, 2010 at 5:52 pm

   “How do you stay passionate without burning out?”

   In a few words – I remember that my privilege gives me the option of burning out. POCs don’t get to choose to take a break from dealing with race.

   @Ashley, I don’t know what your situation is, your social location, etc, so my method may not work for you. But it helps to put things in perspective. I also find talking/venting with someone if helpful. Sometimes the only person I can do that with safely, without dumping my privileged stuff onto someone inappropriately, is my partner. I try to be really mindful of who I’m venting to.
9. Annie O says:

   March 6, 2010 at 10:54 pm

   Hi, Ashley,
   Thanks for your passion, your persistence, and your courage to keep your eyes open even though it breaks your heart.

   I think I have felt what you’re expressing. I, too, have felt both a calling to work on racism in the white community and discouragement that there was so much defensiveness and resistance.

   The thing that helped me most was a long process of letting go of ALL of my Us/Them constructions. For years I thought I knew a lot more about racism than many of the white people I was encountering, and I wanted to persuade other people to see it the correct way – which happened to be my way! (I’m not saying you are doing this, but I was.) In other words, my Us was people who understood how racism worked, and my Them was ignorant white people who didn’t “get it.”

   Through years of work (especially with the National Coalition Building Institute – ncbi.org), I came to see that holding onto the idea that I was right meant that I was thinking, without even realizing it, that I was superior to the people I was trying to persuade. No wonder my efforts weren’t very successful!

   So instead, I went to work on myself. Even though in my conscious mind I was passionately anti-racist, I discovered that I had absorbed a lot of unconscious patterns (I believe that we all have) and I had plenty of my own racism to deal with. It might have been more “benign” in appearance – for instance, overcompensation rather than hostility – but it was still a form of racism. The process made me much more humble and much more compassionate.

   Now when I approach someone on the subject, I try to speak and act from that vulnerable place, reaching out from the best in me to the best in them. For some reason, this approach is much less exhausting than what I was doing before. It also turns out to be much more effective.

   One story: In the 1980′s, I met the African-American illustrator, Tom Feelings, at a children’s book conference. I talked to him about my frustrations with the white community and how resistant people were to learning about racism. He responded, “You have to love them to it.”

   That’s it in a nutshell, I think. Simple, but, oh, not easy.

   I’m blogging about this process, in relation to the children’s book field, at “Coloring Between the Lines,” – http://www.coloringbetween.blogspot.com
   I’d love to have your thoughts, reflections, questions, anytime.
10. Seadhlinn says:

    March 8, 2010 at 10:59 am

    @Lindsay: I don’t have a choice in dealing with race issues, but I still get “burnt out”. But what keeps me going is the idea that I would like my future kids to grow up in a more friendly world.
11. Montclair Mommy says:

    March 8, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    @ Ashley, I totally understand where you are coming from. I feel so beat down sometimes and frustrated. I try to focus on making sure on making a better world for my son…b/c where I can take a “break” from thinking about race–he doesn’t have that same privilege.

    @Lindsay: venting to my partner is a tough one for me, b/c my partner is a POC and, although we talk about everything, he is light years ahead of me on the issue of race and I’m sure hearing me talk about it is annoying beyond belief. He has told me before that he got burnt out of thinking about race constantly in college and he had to step away and not analyze every issue from that lense so that he could maintain his composure, if that makes sense. He felt that he was becoming too angry and that he needed to find a way to live without that kind of anger infecting his life. I’m not saying that is everyone’s journey and he obviously still deals with race issues on a daily basis but he had to get some distance and some perspective for awhile by actively working to put those issues out of his main concerns. And, with my privilege, I have no clue how that feels. So. Yeah. I just try to keep on living my life…

    I’ll be honest…I have had to cut off a friend for repeated racially insensitive remarks. I tried to talk to her about it and she got defensive and hostile and I just…had to give up. Its sad but I am a busy person and I don’t always have time to be teaching people the things that I live every day. And, even if I do, it reduces my trust for you if I have to keep on doing it.

    RE: Charlie Sheen. It disgusts me too. Is there anything we can do about it? I’d love to write someone a letter about it. Its ridiculous that his abuse goes on unchecked and almost unnoticed by the media.
12. dersk says:

    March 8, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Interesting study finds a correlation between racism and religious dogmatism:

    http://www.centerforinquiry.net/blogs/entry/racism_is_linked_to_religious_dogmatism/#When:14:26:48Z
13. Ashley says:

    March 9, 2010 at 10:54 am

    Thank you everyone for your responses, I apologize but I didn’t see them until last night and am only now getting to respond.

    @Lindsay – Thank you. You’re right, I can just exist in the luxury of my privilege. Not completely – I’d have to disconnect from my husband our kids and the life we’ve built, but yeah, when I walk down the street, alone, I am just me and my husband and kids don’t have that privilege. I do vent to my husband but for him, this is just a part of his every day life and he doesn’t look at it the way we do here – he doesn’t deconstruct situations and think of racism in theoretical terms. He just lives his life as a Black man and of course that involves racism. I do have friends I could vent to but I also feel as though I’m complaining about something that is really mild in comparison to what they go through. That knowledge makes me not want to say anything. I don’t think I can ever fully avoid getting burnt out but so far, thankfully, it never lasts long. Maybe a better description would be that the coals burn low sometimes. I hope they will never go completely out.

    @Annie O – Wow. It’s been largely due to this website that I’ve been able to recognize more and more of myself in the description you gave of your former self. I am working to change that – I’d say I’m much closer to the beginning of this journey than the end. Every time I see something more honestly about myself it’s discouraging – I feel shame and discomfort realizing (once again) that I’m not as evolved as I’d like to think. But then again, I love being able to find a part of myself that needs to change (a weed) and digging in to find the root. And slowly, pulling that sucker out! I will definitely check out your blog, thank you!!

    @Montclair Mommy, the way you described your husband is very much how I feel. There are times when I feel I have to stop analyzing everything because I get so frustrated and angry. I’m really of no use to anyone. That’s very much how I’ve felt lately. I’m searching for ways to turn anger into something productive – either as a way to simply vent & get it out of my system (the anger, not the passion) or somehow to channel it into being useful in regard to these issues. A friend suggested finding a creative or physical outlet for the anger, as well as literally giving the body some time to cool down after an incident. I’m also (as mentioned in the other thread) working on some posts for my friends re: these issues. I’ll likely post the links in these open forums and would really appreciate feedback.