Open thread
Tell us what’s on your mind.
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Here is what one reader is thinking about:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1265949/Mixed-race-people-attractive-finds-British-study.html
She said, of reaction to a British survey that found mixed-race people “more attractive”:
There are lot of mixed-race people in my Facebook circle of friends and a lot of them are posting and reposting this with very positive comments. It kind of skeeves me out though for some reason. I have also seen comments from various POC who are friends of friends saying things like “Yeah that’s why I married a white man!” Ugh. This comes up a lot with my daughter. She gets a lot of compliments and a lot of “Mixed-babies are the cutest!” Big UGH!
About Tami
Tami Winfrey Harris writes about race, feminism, politics and pop culture at the blog What Tami Said. Her work has also appeared online at The Guardian’s Comment is Free, Ms. Magazine blog, Newsweek, Change.org, Huffington Post and Racialicious. She is a graduate of the Iowa State University Greenlee School of Journalism. She is mom to two awesome stepkids and spends her spare time researching her family history and cultivating a righteous 'fro.
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Yeah, people say that a lot. I have confronted family members about it by saying that those kinds of statements promote colorism and racism with the idea that some whiteness makes a group more attractive. It also exoticizes my son and it could make him feel like lighter and whiter (looking) is better–and I don’t want him to feel that way. PLUS, its just not true. Children of mixed backgrounds are no more likely to be cute than children of any other background. To me: children are cute, period. Once you become an adult/teen? All bets are off. Some are cute, some are not. Has nothing to do with race.
I’m just really grateful for an article that appeared in our school newsletter:
Anti-Racism at our school – A White Guy’s Perspective: How I Came to Understand Why It’s Not Enough to Not Be Racist…
As a parent who wants to see all kids treated fairly I decided to check out the Equity Committee when my son was in first grade. I had seen a flier welcoming white families to join the conversation and learn more about how to undo institutional racism.
As that first meeting I learned how some of the ideas i held for our alternative school might seem great, but in fact they had great potential to harm students of color. I didn’t learn this by being confronted or talked to, but instead by listening to the families of color share their experiences at school. I remember clearly the discussion that we had about our school’s stance on academics. People talked about how the school had a history of letting students learn at whatever pace they wanted, as opposed to focusing on academic rigor. This was a value that I shared. I remember now how one parent shared how this attitude affecting her family. To paraphrase, she said, “My kids are going to be presumed to be gang bangers, because they are black. I only have one shot at getting them to succeed academically and i need this school to be focused on teaching my kids serious academics.”
Wow! I suddenly internalized why it’s not enough to not be racist, but instead why we must look at how our institutions affect all students. I hadn’t realized how my perspective, and one of the prevailing cultures at the school, would be just fine for my white son, but would negatively impact his classmates of color.
I’ve been hooked on the Equity Committee ever since. Especially because of the non-judgmental community I have found at these meetings. Here this group is talking about something as charged as racism, and yet I have felt more welcome and happier at these meetings than at most other school meetings.
Are you interesting in making sure that all kids at our school have an equitable education? Then I hope you will join in for a meeting or two of the equity committee.
T.
The study itself is interesting. I do think people tend to find attractive what is unusual to them and mixed ethnicities can result in unexpected combinations of features. I’d guess that’s what people find attractive and notice more even though people from every race can be just as attractive.
As expected from the Daily Mail, either they misrepresented the science or they found a ‘researcher’ to quote who will (I won’t call the fool a scientist).
Mixed people are not necessarily MORE “fit” than a monocultural/monoethnic/monoracial person. It depends on the diversity of the parent populations versus the “monocultural ones,” as far as genetic diversity goes, and as far as “fitness,” fitness is determined by environmental selection. Different traits become “fit” traits as environmental conditions change over time.
Shocking (*sarcasm*), ain’t it, that once more the list of “beautiful/attractive/successful” mixed folks include a dominance of people with one white parent and/or physical features that fall well within European beauty standards? And that w/ a few exceptions (mostly men, interestingly enough – the gender w/ less physical constraints on what is and isn’t attractive), mixed does not seem to mean “both parents are visible minorities” and instead we have “ethnic” physical traits minimized, made more within the beauty standards, by the “white” physical traits.
GAG.
Has anyone seen this study? Apparently, children with a particular syndrome that suppresses fear responses don’t develop racial stereotypes but do develop gender-based stereotypes. Odd, and indicates that social fear is the process by which kids become racist – and that it’s pretty much programmed into brain chemistry.
http://www.nature.com/news/2010/100412/full/news.2010.176.html
Well, on the mixed-race article, I do have to say that I find British mixed-race women to be attractive and successful. Or at least the one I married… (:
@Lyonside – well, given that a human generation is about 20 years, any kind of evolutionary argument is pretty bogus.
In a similar vein… I have to make a decision soon that I would truly appreciate some feedback on from readers of this blog, especially multi-racial people or members of multi-racial families.
I am a single, white woman and having reached a certain age without meeting “Mr. Right” I am planning on conceiving with a sperm donor and starting a family on my own. (I don’t need feedback on this as I have committed to this decision)
I have researched sperm donation extensively and have viewed MANY profiles of potential donors. Originally, I had thought the best course of action would be to pick a donor whose colouring was similar to mine as I will be the only parent and this might lesson the number of questions my child will inevitably have to field regarding the absence of their father. However, one of my top three picks is half Chinese, half white.
I am considering him for these reasons:
1) My sister-in-law is Chinese and my two nieces are half n’ half and it seems like another “halfie” would fit well into our family picture/culture… my sister in law is fluent in Mandarin too
2) I live in a community that is 55% Asian and 45% other (mostly white) so there are many multi-racial families and many opportunities to connect to Chinese culture
3) About half of my close friends are Chinese and I’ve dated Asian men in the past and had always thought there would be a strong possibility I would have a multi-racial child anyway
Opinions?
Thanks,
Traveller
@Traveller: hmmm. I am really wary of this, I have to be honest. I’m not saying it couldn’t work, but I am saying you strongly consider how that child will feel. I would read Harlow’s Monkay, a blog that is often linked to here, if you haven’t already b/c I think that transracial adoption of a child of color is somewhat similar to this (and I find it helpful myself as well, as the white parent of a child of color). Also, what does your sister in law think about this? What do your close friends think? Are they prepared to be the ones responsible for helping your child to feel connected to his or her culture (not saying you won’t also help, but you will still be an outsider in that culture)? Have you considered how much it will potentially upset you to have a child that will have experiences that you cannot relate to or empathize with? How your child will feel not having any connection to their unique Chinese ancestry? I would proceed with extreme caution here.
@Montclair Mommy: Thanks for your feedback. My feelings about this decision have gone from left to right and back to the middle
I initially had decided against going in that direction for the same reasons you mention. I have read through Harlow’s Monkey extensively as I was once considering adoption (and who knows what will happen in the future) and other similar resources about inter-racial families and multi-racial children. My main concern was having a Chinese child without a Chinese parent in the home who has a direct understanding of their experience. However, after deciding against it… once my sister in law found out it was possible to have a Chinese donor, she was all for it (and possibly offended that I wasn’t totally gung ho!) My friends think it would be cool, but I don’t think they have really thought about it much either. My own behaviour and culture has been influenced by growing up in an area where white people are not the majority. Our immediate family does spend a LOT of time together.. at least 3 nights a week + daytime activities, we eat Chinese food a lot, watch Korean dramas, everyone is “auntie” and “uncle” etc.. my brother lived in China for a few years and we will definitely be travelling there as an extended family. My sister in law will probably be my daycare provider…I also kept feeling it would be nice for my two nieces to have more kids in the extended family that look like them. (We have another set of half Chinese cousins on one side of the family but they are much older and we see the “whiter” side more often haha)
Generally, I ‘m not super concerned that my child will have difficult experiences that I haven’t had…..I think this is a fact of life….however, I think its more important how you react (ie not dismissing/denying their feelings and seeking support) Also, empathy does not require you to have had the same experience.
I’m still mulling it over. Thanks for taking time to comment.
I’m sorry, but I feel compelled to say, I find the term “halfie” really distasteful.
@eb What would you suggest? That’s just what most people around here (western Canada) say.
@Traveller…you sound like a caring person. I’m sure you will be a good mother.
However, it sounds like this is something that requires a bit more thought.
I will agree with eb…”halfie” isn’t really the most appropriate word. I’m not PC by any means, but it just doesn’t sound right.
How about biracial?
@ dersk, it totally is – but mostly because humans have completely altered our living environment for the last 20,000 years (estimate) and currently we live FAR beyond the carrying capacities of the natural ecosystems that would have given us selective pressures. Basically, we are no longer evolving the same way we would have had we not developed agriculture and been pretty efficient hunters of large game and large predators.
Not to mention that our modern lifestyles (meaning the last 200+ years or so) have meant that things that WOULD have made individuals less fit in the past (poor eyesight, weakness for disease, physical disabilities or deformities, chronic parasites) are being minimized by technology, disease control, and adaptive devices and corrective surgeries. Not that there’s anything wrong w/ that, but it further distances us from the evolutionary processes.
Since evo-psych usually ends up being “just-so” stories that reveal the biases of the researchers, I’m totallyw illing to take this “study” and place it with the “men hunted women sat around and nursed” theories of BogusLand.
@cinnamondiva thanks for the suggestion, it is not my favourite word either…just what people I interact with often use (people of many backgrounds) but I would appreciate a better descriptor that people would also understand. “Biracial” and “multiracial” are options.. to my ear they sound a little .. academic? I think I would still have to explain myself after saying that but I suppose a vocabulary shift has to start somewhere.
Another word people use a lot is “mixed” …which I am not super thrilled with either… but I hear a lot when I am out with my nieces..as in “Oh, are they mixed? Mixed kids are so cute!” Which is annoying on a whole other level. I hope people will stop saying it in front of them as they get older but don’t know how likely that is.
I agree, they do sound academic.
I’m biracial…that’s what I call myself. That’s what I prefer to be called, despite the fact that I dislike society’s need to label everyone.
I agree with you…it is annoying when people say stuff like that. I remember being in a store a few years ago and the salesgirl (who was African-American) asked me, out of the blue, if I was mixed.
I thought it was rude and a bit weird, but I said yes. Then she said: “I want to have mixed babies sooo badly…they’re sooo beautiful!” I suppose I should have taken it as a compliment, but it was so awkward.
Another time, at Victoria’s Secret, another salesgirl (also African-American) asked me: “what are you?” I find that question rude, even if the other person doesn’t mean it that way. I don’t feel comfortable with questions like that until I know somebody a little bit better.
When I responded that I was both black and white, she said: “No wonder you look so exotic!” I was like, WTF?
I’m a person just like everybody else.
@Lyonside — I agree that this is what we should expect from the Daily Mail, but I have to say that (unfortunately) the BBC also reported the results of this study in a misleading and sensationalized way.
I work at a race equality think tank in London where this study has been a hot topic of conversation…the “science” behind it is certainly questionable. See also this recent article by former MP Oona King (albeit also in the Daily Mail) — in which she, disappointingly, doesn’t take the opportunity to refute the pseudo-science. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1268580/At-Its-cool-mixed-race-handy-Im-African-American-Jewish-Geordie-Irish-Scottish-Hungarian.html
@ Kate…I read a column about Oona King online. It was interesting, wasn’t it?
I think the term is “hapa” if one half is asian or pacific islander, which is what my kids are. I find my kids to be amazingly attractive, they are hapa with half white, but hey, they are my kids. i’m not that bunged up about a lot of this, if youre aware and making an effort and have love in you don’t freak about a couple of words. I wonder what o ther single moms who use donor sperm say to their kids when? that’s what I’d research if I was you traveller, and go from there. no matter what, it will be just groovy, except for the part about no sleep. best to you.
@Donna, hapa properly means only half-Hawaiian. It does not mean half-Asian. Hawaiians consider the use of the term by people who are not half Hawaiian to be cultural appropriation.