written by Love Isn’t Enough contributor Renee; originally posted at Womanist Musings
transcript starting at 2:04
And thank goodness these liberal, wealthy progressive people are able to take any child in need and shower them with love. And I think race should really only be examined if you’re over 40. You need to think about how you think about race, because the younger generation doesn’t see race the way perhaps my generation did. We live in a global world where we have a biracial president. Where some of the most famous and wealthy celebrities in the world are people of colour…Um, you know I am happen to have biracial children they don’t self identify as black or white.
Whether or not Ms. Walsh’s children identify as black or white is not the issue, because biracial children identify in various ways. My son, who is also mixed, identifies as brown and that has not saved him from repeatedly having to deal with racism. This kind of utopian view of how to see race effects children and can only be believed by white liberals, because they have no idea of what it is too really deal with racism first-hand.
The idea that Barack Obama can be held up as some sort of symbol of a new world is ridiculous, when we look at how many attacks Barack and his family have undergone, simply based of race. Before any other candidate got secret service protection during the election Obama had to get protection due to the high amount of death threats he had received.
Also, has this woman never heard of hipster racism, wherein ironic racism has becomes a part of [a young, privileged urban dweller's] identity? Hipsters regularly engage in racism while claiming to be above it all and post-racial. Race is an issue at any age because all of the agents of socialization continue to present the divide. When children go to school and learn that white people are the only ones who did anything historically important, how is that not actively teaching children racism? When they turn on the television and see that white people are everywhere, whereas; POC are relegated to specific roles that are necessarily degrading, how is that not actively teaching them racism? When parents actively have to struggle to find books that have good representations of POC, how is that not affirming racism?
The fact that POC routinely have to present these arguments to white [so-called progressives], is indeed evidence that the world is not post-racial. Instead of listening to what we have to say, some people continue to live in their beautiful utopia, because they know they will never have to deal with the fall out of their privilege and ignorance.
[Editor's note: This post is about the belief that race bias is no longer a valid issue, particularly among children. It is about the CNN guest's assertion that parents who adopt transracially needn't worry about proactive anti-racism. Let's focus on these topics. This post is NOT about Sandra Bullock. Any comments on her personal situation that don't relate to the real topic of this post will be deleted.]
I agree. She seemed pretty silly to me. Especially talking to two POC about this same issue. The adoption expert had a better point to make. Interesting that the CNN talking head seemed to shut her down several times.
This interview drove me nuts for so many reasons. I just posted about it last night, here:
http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2010/05/sandra-bullock-and-complexities-of.html
But in a nutshell, I hated the way Dr. Walsh was so dismissive of race, as mentioned above. I was equally annoyed by the way Lisa Rollins was acting as if there were simple and obvious alternative to adoption in regards to Haitian orphans and/or the preponderance of black children in fostercare. But the facts don’t line up with her narrative: of the 300,000 orphans that were in Haiti prior to the earthquake, only 900 left to be adopted. The majority of Haitian orphans are being cared for in their own country. And kinship adoption is the most common form of adoption from fostercare, with black women representing the majority of people adopting black children. Still, there are tens of thousands of black children needing families and waiting for years or aging out of the system . Tens of thousands . . . not acceptable. So the fact that Lisa Rollins suggests that there are simple and ignored alternatives to the practice of transracial adoption when the numbers are so staggering? Makes my blood boil a little bit.
But she does make a good point about white parents being ill-equipped to deal with racism, a point that Dr. Walsh then conveniently illustrated.
This report mostly bothers me because it is further polarizing the wide gap between adoptive parents and adult adoptees, choosing two women with extremely biased views and pitting them against each other in a debate. And the result is that neither point is heard, both sides dismiss the real issues on the table, and the chasm between adoptive parents and adult adoptees widens.
The reality: there are black children waiting for homes, and a shortage of black families.
The reality: transracially adopted children will struggle with their racial identity.
I just wish that the adoption community could begin to see the complexity of the situation, instead of pushing the typical agendas of either ignoring the need for families for waiting children OR ignoring the racial issues inherent in transracial adoption. Why is it so hard for us to look at both at the same time?
Kristen,
I appreciate your thoughts about the polarization of the narrative around transracial adoption, and I agree that it is often polarized. I don’t know that I agree that Lisa Rollins is “extremely biased” or that she was dismissing the important issues you raise. And it’s not at all clear to me that she is against transracial adoption–rather, that she is against it in certain circumstances. I’ve invited her to join us here, and I hope she will. In the meantime, I wanted to point everyone to an article linked at the Adopted and Fostered Adults of the African Diaspora site with which Lisa Rollins is affiliated: http://www.nacac.org/adoptalk/denyingaccess.html In contesting the notion that there are not enough black families interested in adopting, I think she may have been thinking about the barriers and issues mentioned in this article. Another article on adoption myths seems worthwhile as well: http://nacac.org/adoptalk/blackadoptionmyths.html
Cheers,
Julia
Kristen. I had to laugh when I read your response to the way I was depicted on CNN, not because of your feeling around it, but because its amazing what tv can do. You are right, 5 minutes isnt a responsible amount of time to respond to ANY of these discussions. My entire goal on CNN was to share the complexities of a perspective that is an adult adoptee who is a scholar and researcher in transracial adoption, not to argue whether adoption is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. The format allowed me to succeed at some things and not at others. I’m still glad i did it.
My point at that moment was that there are multiple alternatives, not just one, but I got cut off. Lemon needed to get his agenda in, so that’s the way it went. I’m also aware of the numbers of children in foster care, again – my point isn’t about NOT having these children adopted. Again, its amazing that its set up as me being ‘anti-adoption’ when I’m totally not.
Having done tons of research on Haiti and the aftermath, you and I don’t disagree or have a difference in perspective when it comes to kinship adoption or foster care. Its preferred and what is happening. But the state does NOT support kinship adoptions financially in the same ways they support ‘stranger’ adoptions and internationally, the national narrative around adoption is around removal, not reunification. This is a problem.
My point about the Haitian children is I’m trying to make a connection for the audience so they can understand they are in many ways like American black children being adopted into a white family, and those parents need support for the experience around race, separation and adoption their child is going to have.
You can see some of my thoughts around the entire conversation here on my blog.
http://birthproject.wordpress.com/2010/05/09/im-on-cnn-with-don-lemon/
Although I could only get my laptop to stream part of this clip, I found the first half of it infuriating, on so many levels. I feel anger as I struggle to find the clarity to express what feels so wrong about several statements in the clip.
My husband and I are white. Our daughter, now 24, is Korean. (We also have a white son by birth.) If our daughter, as the commentator suggested an adult adoptee would, ever uttered the phrase “Oh, thank goodness, someone *saved* me!” I would be appalled, and convinced that I had done something wrong as a parent.
Our daughter’s adoption was not a “rescue” of some poor thing in need of being “saved.” It was a complicated negotiation to make the best of a tragic human situation by placing an infant whose young mother could not care for her and whose father didn’t know she’d been conceived with parents who dreamed of adopting her. The result is a family in which all of us are deeply blessed and enriched by having each other.
But all of us also recognize that our daughter’s adoption represents tremendous losses: of the family, culture, language, and country that should have been her birthright. We have all done well at holding onto all we can of her ethnic and cultural heritage (I grew up in South Korea and speak fluent Korean). We have supported her through stages of grieving and exploration. But none of this is the same as being raised Korean by her Korean family.
We have understood connection to Korea and education about racism – our own and our daughter’s as well as her white brother’s – to be as essential to her health and wellbeing as a vaccination or teaching her to brush her teeth. She is simply our *daughter* – not our “Korean daughter” – but we celebrate her Koreanness as we do all of the particular aspects of her singular personhood; to overlook it would be to deny one of the gifts of who she is, a disrespectful diminishment of the complexity of her whole self. It would also represent abdication of one of our chief responsibilities as parents: to equip our children to live and thrive in the larger world – as it is, not as we wish it would be.
The white psychologist’s characterization that adoption is “colorblind” and that “race should only examined if you’re over 40″ is chilling. Imagine what happened every time her biracial children noticed race: their mother, who didn’t think it was a necessary topic for children, must have deflected, denied, and suppressed their curiosity, their questions and their confusion. (Given young children’s intuitive ability to pick up unspoken cues, the curiosity, questions and confusions may have never even been voiced.) Of course her children don’t identify as either white or black – racial identity is formed by the mirrors that people hold up for you when you are young. If their mother’s statements are indicative of how she raised them, the mirror in which her children saw themselves reflected rendered their race invisible.
The ignorance represented by this approach is an expression of unconscious white supremacy. (It’s also a handy dodge: avoiding the examination of race spares us the discomfort and sometimes real pain of acknowledging white racism and white privilege.) Race invisibility is an aspect of white conditioning; because we are the majority and the dominant group, we see ourselves as the norm, essentially as raceless. One way white supremacy operates is when we assume that what is true for us – the racial “pass” – applies to everyone else as well.
Because this psychologist, as a white woman, has the privilege of ignoring race without cost to herself, she presumes the same for her children, as if her willful obtuseness could give them a cloak of invisibility.
But whiteness with all its power can’t erase the race of transracially adopted children. Just because their mother refuses to acknowledge the reality of her children’s skin color and racially-defined features doesn’t mean society will be so blind. And her children have been given no tools to stand strong in their knowledge of who they truly are, no connection to the black people from whom they were birthed, no claim to that part of their cultural and racial legacy. With no affirmation of the beauty and significance of their blackness and their whiteness, as well as every other aspect of their identities, they will face uninformed and undefended a world that is all too quick to label and diminish them based on race alone.
I confess that I can’t watch the interview while I am at work but that quote taken from Ms. Walsh floors me…and not because its so surprising, but because I just CANNOT understand how a person can be in the same family with POC and yet still deny their everyday, lived, since-birth experiences of racism–yet I am continuously shown that, indeed people can and do. Only a person privileged by color could say that race shouldn’t be examined after age 40—I mean, WHAAAAT??? That’s crazy. So, are POC supposed to just ignore all of the racist crap that have to see, hear, and deal with everyday, “Hey, I’ll just deal with that when I’m older. 40 sounds good…”? I am just shaking my head. Did she ever think about the fact that with that kind of attitude her children might not even feel safe talking to her about how they identify? That maybe they are afraid to talk about it for fear of being told that “its not an issue anymore”? Or “what are you whining about? we have a black president?” Come on, this is basic stuff for someone who is raising children of color! And, the “Hey, I’m an expert. I have a biracial kid!” is tired. The way your child identifies says nothing about how another child might identify…because they are INDIVIDUALS…not stand ins for the entire world population of children of color that might be parented by white adults. What nonsense. How does she get to be on TV with that crap?
This segment would have been better without Dr. Walsh. She clearly has not thought seriously about race. I think Lisa Rollins mistake is that she was trying to make a nuanced point on a cable news show. It would be nice to hear more of the points she was trying to make. I think I’ll google her.
And thanks for the links, Julia!
I thought it was telling when the Dr remarked that in both homogeneous places that she lived, she and her kids were related to as curious oddities. What child of colour WANTS to be singled out as a curious oddity??
And her response was. Yeah, I loved that! Really?
Then at one point she called one of her kids ‘it’. She does realize that they are people, right?
I recently had an argument with my (white, male, middle-class) brother-in-law that touched on these issues, and he insinuated that race isn’t an issue or “excuse” anymore b/c he has now also experienced some prejudice against him for being white.
I was trying to keep the conversation civil, so tried to just let it go. I’ve also read a comment on a facebook discussion once about how “everybody” is treated “like crap” in the US now, being white or speaking English doesn’t give you any advantage anymore. It’s so hard… when you’re on top, it’s hard to see what others below you go through. You don’t see all the extra battles, you don’t hear the slurs, you don’t have to deal with the prejudice. You get to instead live with rose-colored glasses and imagine that the world is Fair and Right. It’s hard to explain that your *personal* reality is not the same as many others’ realities.
This may be a bit off topic but I have been thinking about the situation in Haiti and some of the things that I have heard about the orphan situation over there. People here, especially Ms. Rollins seem to be more knowledgeable than I am so maybe someone can help.
First let me say that I don’t support adoption as a first resort. However, I know that in many cultures, and I have heard in the Haitian culture, immediate family are paramount. Therefore, any family members taken in, especially children, are not necessarily treated as family but more often as indentured servants.
Is this true, and is this still seen as preferable to transnational and transracial adoption for the well-being of the child?
In case people can’t tell by my name, I am Anne Sibley O’Brien’s daughter. (See above post) The ideas presented in this clip flabergasted me, and infuriated me.
As my mother said in her post, my adoption has never been viewed as a “saving”, or “rescue”. It was what occured after a series of events, and it became a wonderful outcome. My birth-mother was too young to keep me, and my birth father didn’t know I existed. My mother had dreamed of adopting a korean baby since she grew up there, and I was the dream come true.
But that isn’t to say there weren’t hard points. I struggled with identity, and the idea of why I was put up for adoption. I went to phases of sadness, anger, and every other emotion along the way. The idea of my parents telling me not to worry about it, because no one cares about race anymore is unfathomable! That would have distroyed me.
My parents were understanding, supportive and ALWAYS willing to talk about what I was feeling. That is how I moved through each phase into something healthier and happier. Not by them ignoring my questions, emotions, and pain. They nurtured both cultures in my life, and let me explore both. I have since found a happy balance between my two cultures, and I claim both.
The idea of differentiating children, adopted daughter vs daughter is appaling. Your child is your child. There should be no difference how they came into the family. Once they are there, they are your child. Period.
Finally the idea of the world being colorblind, is to use my mother’s word, chilling. Children are very observant. It is why we watch our language and behaviors around them, because they will pick it up. Children are curious, observant and very, very, blunt. A child will notice if they are not the same race as their family, and even if they don’t notice, some other person will, and then that becomes the mirror for the child. And the people in the world are not always the kindest.
At one point I was at a holiday party with my parents and a woman saw me, and then stated to her friend loudly “yes you have to be white to be american”
Those mirrors are there, they are real, and they are painful. My parents let me feel the pain of those moments, answered all of my questions the best they could, and would hold me while I hurt. They would then tell me ways to respond in a helpful and healthy way. They gave me the tools to survive in a world that at times can be cruel to those who are different.
Yes society have made huge leaps in tolerance, and acceptance, and even enjoyment of difference. But this is not a eutopia, and there are still those people who are not as kind to those of different race.
At some point a child will have to enter the world. And there are people in that world that will label, judge, and diminish them, all because of their race.
@Marcy: I have those arguments all the time and it is SO FRUSTRATING. I feel like: Okay. Do you realize that its you, as a white person, that is arguing that racism isn’t an excuse anymore? Do you find that your friends that are black or Latin@ or other backgrounds feel that way? No? Hmm. Lets think about that for a minute. Do you ever wonder WHY? But they don’t. I have to think that each one of these conversations plants a seed, though. I just keep harping on the fact that it doesn’t matter all of the great things that my husband is and does–at night in Chicago the man can’t get a cab, even when dressed in a suit. It honestly sometimes makes me want to scream. I can’t imagine how my husband must feel in those situations, because he’s been dealing with that kind of ignorance since birth. I tell myself that maybe if I have this conversation with clueless male relative, the conversation he has with my husband (b/c these types of white relatives LOVE to talk about this with him) will hopefully be less painful…at least that’s my vague hope.
@Yunhee: your comment about children being observant is so true. They notice differences. If you ignore them that might even make them feel like the differences are bad or shameful and shouldn’t be talked about…
Gah! This video is apalling – and yet it’s the same network that aired the much more subtle and nuanced Anderson Cooper pieces on the doll test? Sheesh.
This is what I hate about the way it gets framed: Is transracial adoption WRONG? The transracial adoption CONTROVERSY. Just putting it that way sets it up as an either/or, black or white (and I use that phrase deliberately) question that pits people against each other. It further stacks the deck so that the only “right” answer is the allegedly race neutral one that Walsh espouses.
The conversation would be completely different if instead they asked the question: What are the particular issues of transracial adoption? Because those issues are there, whether you ignore them or not. It would have made a world of difference if Lemon had asked each of the panelists, “What do you see as the particular issues of TRA, and what can/should APs, society, the system, etc, do to address those needs better?”
I”m glad people are asking questions about adoption. I just wish they’d ask BETTER questions!
I am frustrated, as a psychologist, that lately it seems that many of these news shows have psychologists speaking about their opinions as opposed to any data based on legitimate research. Dr. Walsh’s comments regarding our new “colorblind” society seemed to be coming from her own wishful subjective thinking, as opposed to anything real or truly examined or looked at carefully in a larger context. In this way, she becomes useless.
Anyone may give their opinion about something or share their experience, but people expect that when you have a “doctor” on a show they are coming from a place that extends beyond the doctor’s own personal experience.
We need to challenge these news programs and how they utilize these so-called experts.
My son’s birthmother chose us over african-american parents. That doesn’t mean I can ignore the institutional racism that created the forces around her choice. Transracial adoption for me is partly about how to acknowledge and live with the pain of racism, particularly institutional racism, which is what I think so many people don’t “get” AT ALL when they talk about “reverse racism.” In being part of a transracial adoption, I feel I have made an agreement to LEARN something I will never truly learn, and to live with that, too. It’s terrifying at times–like how the heck will I ever teach my son how to deal with the police in a way I have never had to deal with them? Anyway, it’s these complexities and lack of easy answers that I think media coverage of transracial adoption in their five-minute segments will never get.
was my comment objectionable? it was posted and now it is gone.
Mod note: Mary, I noticed that, too, and wondered what had happened. We’ve been doing some work on the site and I imagine there was a technical glitch. I don’t remember what you wrote, but do not recall it being objectionable. Please feel free to resubmit.
Like many of you, Ms. Walsh’s comments made my mouth drop open. My husband and I are white and have an African American daughter and a Latino son through adoption. My son is still in preschool. My daughter’s elementary school, where she’s finishing first grade, is about 70% white, 25% Latino, and 5% African American and multiracial. She has told me many comments she’s heard this year and in kindergarten about race – from kids of all colors – that have puzzled her and astounded/sickened/amused me. My husband and I push to do right by our kids — to discuss race, to make diversity part of our lives, to make them proud to be who they are, to attack falsehoods they encounter — and we try to keep doing more, because that’s our job (a wonderful job). My daughter is seven, not forty, and she is examining race because her race is being examined by the world around her, and because she is a smart and curious kid trying to figure out the world and who she is. Ultimately, discussing and becoming aware of race in transracial adoptive families does not prevent kids from living in some imagined post-racial utopia — and it isn’t even just about avoiding doing damage/harm to kids: it is about opening up the world, the real world, with all its flaws AND all its treasures — it is about my daughter and my son becoming their own true selves.
I was particularly interested in her interpretation that adoptive parents are all “liberal, wealthy progressive people.” I am white and my children are black. I am conservative, struggling to make ends meet and pretty old fashioned.
Race IS still definitely an issue…what world does Ms. Walsh live in?
I’m 26 and biracial. My husband is 40 and white. Sometimes I get pretty tired of having to explain how racism works.
He believes that because I don’t look black, I shouldn’t talk about discrimination. I love him but Lord…he can be so clueless about this stuff.
Anyway, I have to give a shout-out to Marcy. Yes! Tell it like it is, girl! That is the truth!
Montclair Mommy made some really good observations too.