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Love Isn't Enough is a blog about parenting and race.
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We’re starting a network of book clubs for boys. Any recommendations for “boy-appealing” books that educate and stimulate discussions (and activities) about race & ethnicity? Initial participants will be 8-12. I think we’ll have black-white issues covered, but we want to broaden their exposure and encourage some cross-cultural exploration. Would love book recommendations, activities, curriculum suggestions, etc.
I just got back from talking with my mom about anti-racism, feminism, and the kyriarchy! So from this conversation one thing that’s on my mind is I seem to have offended her by sending her an article from Native Appropriations re: wearing headdresses.
Just a bit of background: my mom worked for years at the Bureau of Indian Affairs and made many friends from the tribes. She is very touchy about the subject and thinks she should be theoretically allowed to make a headdress or wear feathered earrings (to her credit, the latter were gifts from Native friends). Mostly she’s doing the “good intentions” bit re: honoring a culture and even dropped a few White Lady Tears today in defense of how much she loves Indians and hates to see prejudice leveled against them (which I know is true about her and she really did see a lot of it in her career working on reservations).
She also asked me if she needs to check and see if her rag curls she wears in her hair might be offensive to black Americans. I told her, “If you are interested to know if that’s offensive you can look online and find out – you can educate yourself”. She sure didn’t like hearing that. I told her as an anti-racist activist I’ve weeded through a lot of reading material and it hasn’t been easy, but I’m committed to keeping my mind and heart open.
I’ve found many white people (myself included) can be so resistant at the idea they have to give ANYTHING at all up to be better citizens (including a hypothetical headdress! I mean honestly!). So, long story short, my (very long) conversation with my mom exhausted me.
I think I need to look for a more 101 Native American issues site. Altho’ if someone really isn’t willing to learn and change, well… no amount of “perfectly worded” essays etc. are going to have effect.
Sorry for the long post but you DID ask what was on my mind…
Hi all! I am looking for your support and especially, your links to research.
I went to see Toy Story 3 last weekend, and it’s a fun, warm, funny movie – with several grievously sexist moments.
Pixar makes gorgeous movies. They also have a history of sexism, racism, ableism, and homophobia. And you know what? I’ve had enough.
SO. I plan to talk to Pixar. Somehow. I haven’t decided yet how: a letter, a meeting, a website…we’ll see. In the meantime I am gathering my arguments and debating techniques.
I’ve started a facebook page that lists my arguments : http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pixar-can-do-better/
(if you can’t access facebook, let me know in the comments and I’ll send you a copy.)
My goal is to have solid research available to back up each of my claims, so that we can clearly state:
x (racism, sexism, etc) hurts kids as shown by this research. You have done x in your movies, like this. You need to hire a consultant for your scripts to prevent this kind of crap from appearing in your movies.
The research to support these claims is where YOU come in!
I would like help gathering research to support my hypotheses. Take a look at the list in the Note on the facebook page. If any of you feel inspired (in all of YOUR spare time), feel free to start googling (as I will be doing) and point me to any links you find. Also, I invite you to critique my note. I don’t care if the final project is my words or not: I want it powerful and accurate.
And if you have any other resources that can help, or any connections to Pixar, please let me know! Thanks for any help!!!!!
Kelly,
Search the site and I think some time around Thanksgiving I posted something about why it is offensive to “play Indian” by donning faux regalia. I can’t remember at the moment–the piece may be geared toward children not adults. If you need more resources DM me on Twitter.
woops – somehow the link was broken.
This one should work: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pixar-can-do-better/136913009653142
Kelly, check this out. From the blog Native Appropriations: http://nativeappropriations.blogspot.com/2010/04/cultural-appropriation-bingo-proving.html
@Tami,
Thank you. I liked the bingo post. I will garner this post and the Thanksgiving one up for when we can resume the conversation.
@Talibah
I’ll tweet RaisingBoychick on Twitter – she does book reviews – only has four published so far- but may know of some good sources.
I really like “Baseball Saved Us”, a story about a Japanese boys experience in an internment camp in the desert. It’s very short, but it’s very powerful and the artwork is gorgeous.
I think its a big deal that we have a movie with a Black boy as the main character. Not the sidekick, not the extras. But the main character in a film. Go Jaden Smith!
@Kelly, kudos for trying to help your mother with anti-racism. However, I don’t think you, as a white woman, should tell your mother that it’s inappropriate for her to wear gifts given to her by Natives. If a Native gave it to her it’s probably ok. It sounds like you’re saying that you know better than the Natives who gave her the gifts what she should wear.
@Talibah,
Here is a list of 90 recent middle grade books featuring characters of color: http://www.librarything.com/catalog/shelftalker&deepsearch=+MG
(This is a portion of a larger 516-title list, picture book through YA, called “A World Full of Color,” compiled by bookseller and author Elizabeth Bluemle.)
If you click on a jacket image, there’s a link to a full description of the book. Hope you find some good possibilities there!
I doubt wearing feathered earrings is going to annoy any American Indians. I see them on sale at state fairs and Indian pow wows all the time. If they’re gifts, your mom has every right to wear them. I’d assume she knows more about what is and isn’t appropriate than someone who hasn’t worked for the BIA for years. My dad has a beaded Western style tie that was a gift from one of his students at a tribal college and he’s complimented on it all the time. I’d say that the headdress is a major no-no, though.
I’m a white Italian-Canadian, living in a small town outside of Turin, with a white Southern Italian husband and my 7 1/2 yr old son adopted from Ethiopia 4 years ago.
We had a nasty episode at summer day camp last week, whereby a boy refused to take my son’s hand cause he is black and verbally abusing my son with statements like “if you come to this day camp, next year, I’m not”. When confronted by the camp counsellors, the kid lied saying he had refused to take my son’s hand cause my son had picked his nose…..no comment. My son’s reaction was to cry. The parents of the boy have been talked to by the day camp counsellors.
How can I teach him how to react to stupid racist people (without telling him to punch their lights out, which he won’t do anyway cause he has a peaceful soul, but his combative mother would do in a blink)?
Keep in mind that in Italy we now have a right-wing gov’t with a racist majority (they want all immigrants out of Italy, if you’re black you can’t be Italian, you get the drift).
We could possibly consider moving to the city where there is a more multicultural community, but we like the small school he attends and he has friends and a community that cares for him where we live.
I have told my son that there is an Italian saying “Stupid’s mother is always pregnant” meaning that he will meet many stupid, racist people on his journey. I would like to continue to instill pride in his being black and moreover from Ethiopia, the birth of humanity.
Any suggestions would help.
There is a very nasty racial situation happening in my home state of South Carolina right now – a murder that may have been a hate crime that is bringing the Black Panthers to protest in the town in which it happened – and the Klan has said they will counterprotest. The Klansmen are outside agitators – they’ve been defunct in that area for many many years. A lot of us in the state would appreciate your prayers. I surely would.
Kelly,
Wow. I can’t imagine a conversation with my mother in which the word “kyriarchy” could be used. That you could have this sort of conversation at all is really exciting. And, yes, exhausting, because resistance is exhausting.
I wanted to clarify something. Some seem to think you told your mother specifically not to wear x and y, and I didn’t hear that. I heard, more, that you want her to think about what the choice to wear, say, a headdress means before she wears it. Could you clarify which it is?
Andrea,
I don’t know but it seems like every American Indian individual might have a unique response, no? Also I don’t *think* Kelly is worried about causing offense or doing something that “looks” racist; if I’m reading her right, I think she’s saying that non-Natives have to think carefully about these choices and what they mean.
Anna,
I’m so sorry. That sounds awful. I’ve just read your comment and am digesting. I feel that it deserves a longer response, but my first impulse is to say that the move is really worth considering. The evidence seems to be mounting that kids really need to be around other kids that look like them. More relevant to your situation, though, is how black adults living in Italy could provide you and your son with guidance on how to cope. As he gets older, your son may need a trusted adult who looks like him even more, because such a person will just “get it” on a level that we white parents may never be able to do no matter how much we study up. And having someone around who “gets it” and other youth around who are having similar experiences seem terribly important in adolescence, when all that identity formation stuff if going on. (Which is not to say that he wouldn’t also find it helpful now).
Julia,
thanks for your reply. This is the 2nd episode in 2 years, the other was last year in 1st grade where a kid told him he was brown like s**t. The teachers poo-poo-ed it saying it was just kids being kids when I said they should hold a lesson on racism and how everyone is different but equal and the same.
It’s a hard ball game and I’m go to bat often but it’s really trying when you all you get are strikes.