written by Love Isn’t Enough contributor Liz Dwyer; originally published at Los Angelista’s Guide to the Pursuit of Happiness
Did you know that I have weird, frizzy, nappy hair and I shouldn’t? Apparently, since one of my parents is white, it’s supposed to be a
different texture.
Last night was quite fab till I decided to slap on my dunce cap and make a late-night run to CVS to pick up a few things. (Note to self, stay away from CVS after 11:30 pm.)
Alas, while perusing some lipstick I didn’t need, a pretty, twenty-something African-American woman asked, “Excuse me, is that your hair?”‘
Um, yes. It got stapled it to my scalp this morning. It is.
I get all excited when I think I’m about to have a conversation with a young sista about ditching chemicals and rocking the natural hair that grows out of her head. I was ready to drop knowledge. Smiles all around.
She was skeptical and didn’t believe I don’t have any chemicals in my hair. Nope, I insisted. I’m chemical free. I don’t even use chemical hair dye.
I wanted to stab myself in the eyeball when she said, “Well I guess I could get away with being natural if I had hair like you. You kinda got a good grade of hair.”
First of all, who the heck still uses the word “grade” to describe hair? This isn’t school and there’s no A+ being handed out for hair textures. Secondly, a “good” grade automatically implies that there’s a “bad” grade.
I’ll spell out the code language: A bad grade =more highly textured, kinky hair. More African. A good grade of hair means your hair is straighter and more European.
Same crap, different day. Heard it before. Yawn.
However, I recognize the signs of internalized oppression so I patiently gave her my spiel on how healthy hair is good hair and how people of African descent with highly textured hair don’t have to apologize for the way our hair looks, and we don’t have to make it straighter or make it curl in a more socially acceptable manner.
“Well that’s easy for you to say since you don’t have that super-black hair.”
She said it like “super-black” is something bad, but I tried to focus on what I thought she was trying to say, which was that to some people, my hair is more acceptable because it’s not the most highly textured hair on the planet. No doubt that’s true because unfortunately, that’s the way racism in America intersects with our standard of beauty.
Then she asked me if both my parents are black.
No ma’am, they’re not. My mom’s black but she’s the one with the Beatles and Rolling Stones records, she doesn’t eat soul food and she speaks 100% Kings English. I’m sure in somebody’s book, that doesn’t make her “super black.” As for my dad, he’s white. He can also play the heck out of a Duke Ellington song on the piano and he refuses to eat tomatoes or mushrooms. Does that mean he’s not “super white”? But I digress. Back to the tale at hand…
She replied, “You’re half white? I thought you might be part Mexican or something.” Um. Hmm. Really? That’s a new one. And she continued. “No offense, but most mixed people I know have a better grade of hair than you do.”
There are so many things wrong with that statement, but clearly, the message was that I’ve been cheated by genetics because I don’t have Mariah Carey’s or Alicia Keys’ hair.
“It’s just weird that your hair is so frizzy and nappy and your dad is white. ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE MIXED?”
1) weird
2) frizzy
3) nappy
Hold up! She asked ME about my hair. I was nice enough to explain it and answer her questions, and she says I’m weird, frizzy and nappy – all three clearly meant in a derogatory manner. Now I want to start a new blog called weird+frizzy+nappy= HOTNESS to combat the myth that any of those things are bad.
OK, maybe I’ll just make it weird + nappy = HOTNESS because I can truly do without frizz.
But, as for questioning my parentage… sadly, this is not the first time that’s been said to me. I’ve even been told that maybe the “problem” with my hair is that my mom’s black instead of white. Yeah, my black mom ruined my chances of having a non “super-black”, “good” grade of hair.
I was finished with the conversation and I was starting to think about how it is that people get beat up in public, so I told her that I had to go because I was in a hurry and to have a good night. Then I excused myself and left without getting any of the stuff I meant to. I came home, started writing down what happened, fell asleep and now, a few hours later, reflecting on the whole interaction just makes me feel incredibly sad.
Not only was she insulting a total stranger, her statements were just flat out ignorant. I’ve stopped and talked to strangers before and usually, as long as they don’t try to pet me, I’m cool talking about my hair. I’m especially happy to talk to black women about my hair, because we need all the encouragement we can get to rock what grows out of our head.
There are people who I see every day who never compliment my hair and then the minute I straightened it a couple of months ago because my kid caught lice and I was trying to check my hair to see if I had it and it was really hard to do so when it was curly, THAT is when I heard for the first time in eons, “Wow, your hair looks amazing.”
I expect that crap. I really do. This is America and people are trained to think straight hair is the most beautiful. But to be insulted in CVS and have my parentage questioned and be interrogated like I’m some circus freak when I’m just trying to buy lipstick… AAGH!
This post made me laugh out loud–and groan out loud! What, exactly, did this woman think was “mixed girl’s hair”?! I guess people feel like they can say whatever they want because a) you look like you won’t beat them up and b) they don’t have to ever see you again. Maybe you should challenge them on a)!
I don’t know why people think that children that are mixed have to look a certain way re: hair and skin color. Um…just like any other kid, there is no one way to look! People seem to be shocked at how different biracial siblings can look with the same two parents, but they don’t seem to be as shocked when they see white families with brunette child and one blond child.
Racism is crazy making, for everyone.
BTW, your hair is absolutely gorgeous.
I definitely feel your pain. I have been trying the longest to go without chemicals, but around that 13wk, it just becomes so unbearable to style etc.. then I too get the comment after my hair is straightened. “Wow” nice hair (*rolling eyes*).
That poor, ignorant girl displayed what has become more prevalent and, sadly, tolerated in our society these days: bad manners. She should have kept her invasive questions and opinions to herself. And yes, your hair IS gorgeous! I’ve wished for curls my whole life!
Just wanted to say thanks for such a great piece! I enjoyed getting angry right along with you but still being made to laugh out loud. The situation you describe is an unfortunate reality; it’s your response and perspective that’s really encouraging. I am going to print this out for my daughter; she has hair that looks quite similar to yours (as far as I can tell from the picture), and she is also biracial with one black parent (her father) and one white (her mother, me). While she’s only two right now, I hope that someday if (when) she is faced with this kind of situation, she will have an equally refreshing point of view.
i would have lost it
Your post had me laughing. You should have told her that only ‘bad’ hair is hair that doesn’t stay on your head! Any hair that we have on our heads is ‘good’ hair
I am chuckling now. I snorted in the first two sentences.
Livia’s comment is cracking me up too, I am going to use that one when people say stupid stuff about hair texture to me.
Thanks for writing this. Thank you so much.
My children have hair like yours, but both of their parents are “black.” People are always very confused when we are all together – my hair is “super black” in locs, and their dad’s hair is short, so most people can’t tell what his hair texture is like. People have told me that when they see my children with their dad, they automatically think their mother is white, until they meet me.
This whole discussion just goes to show how little people understand about race and its difference from genes and how hair texture is determined from parents. It’s very frustrating.
Thank you for this! I have three bi-racial kids, I am white my husband is black. They all have completely different textured and different colored hair, and the thing that bothers me more than the “why is it so puffy” comments or the “why don’t you keep it braided” comments is when white people think it is ok to touch my child’s hair without asking. There have been so many times at the pool, lake, or schoolyard when I see my kids from afar visibly uncomfortable because they are being “petted.” I always want to put my hands on those white ladies hair and say, “oh I’ve never felt such thin or stringy hair, how do you take care of it.” Full disclosure, although white I have very curly, thick, course hair, and white ladies try and touch my hair too! Uggh.
I laughed and groaned at the same time.
Just want you to know that I get the whole racial thing; but speaking as a woman with two white parents and no knowledge of my ancestry past my grandparents…I have always HATEd my straight hair and I’m also a bit bummed about the female pattern baldness that I inherited from my mother. Your hair is beautiful. And you sound pretty fun to me. If they ever figure out hair trades…I’m in. (I’ll keep it curly because I don’t do chemicals or self-inflicted pain.)
So first she complimented your hair, then insulted it?? lol!
I have always admired hair like yours, and the confidence to wear it. I’m white with curly hair, and at almost 30 I still struggle with how to wear it… You’ve inspired me to say something whenever I see a woman wearing her hair naturally like this, to show that not everyone prefers plain, straight hair.
This past weekend I saw this little girl playing at the park. She was with her grandparents (who were white) and the girl, 18 months old, had cafe-au-lait skin and kinky ringlets. She was *gorgeous.* I kept thinking, “She’ll probably hate that hair when she’s a teen, but it’s so beautiful!”
Thank you for writing this piece. My daughter and I laughed as I read it out loud to her. She is 17 years old and bi-racial, and in the last few years she has learned to embrace her curls. She believes that learning to love the beauty of her hair is part of undoing the self-hatred that is learned by many African-American girls and women when they accept that the standard of beauty is set by current commercial standards.
I’m proud that she has learned this at such a young age and has rejected a beauty standard that does not include her and all her beautiful hair. I have to say she gets many compliments when her hair down and curly. When it is straight people think she is Asian. Race is funny like that.
Many people including African-American’s don’t believe she is mixed race. We frequently hear “wow, she’s/your dark for being mixed” or “too bad you got your dad’s hair”. I am constantly amazed
your post is hilarious and sadly true. It’s amazing what some people will actually say to you! I’m biracial, and I just stopped perming my hair two years ago, and for the first time in my life am embracing my curls (which look a lot like yours)– and I’m almost 30! Even though that person was ignorant, please keep sharing your natural hair gospel…for every pair of deaf ears there are 10 pairs that really need to hear the message!
I think your hair looks amazing. Good hair to me is healthy hair. Since shaving my head and growing it back 100% natural (no perms or dyes), I’ve less breakage. I don’t have to worry so much about getting it wet. Wash it as often as I’d like. Saves time and money. People think it’s daring or courageous as if performing a stunt… sometimes wondering how I get it so thick and grow it so fast. Maybe they’re just projecting their insecurities on you. Who cares? Guess they’ve nothing better to worry about and need to get a life. Sincerely, Love rocking my afro.
Your post made me laugh out loud because I can totally relate (just from a different direction)! I am a white (and I mean really white) girl with really kinky, curly hair. I get so many weird, half compliment/half insult comments about my hair… and questions about my heritage (and questioning my answers). People are crazy! Cheers to you for walking away without smacking that girl, and for sharing your story!
I guess this girl has never seen Lenny Kravitz, who has very kinky, coarse hair, AND a white father.
I don’t know where this idea that all biracial look the same way came from, we run the gamut! Our complexions can be as pale as one parent or as dark as another. Our hair can be bone straight, kinky, and every texture in between! It’s silly.
It’s funny, I have a friend who is white but people will actually try to convince her that she MUST be biracial because of her very curly, coarse hair texture. I guess since she doesn’t fit into a little box, they must know her lineage better than she does, lol.
Yes, Imani! I agree with you 100%.
Liz…I am so VERY sorry that this happened to you.
As a biracial woman who looks white, I still had the “bad luck” of inheriting so-called “bad hair”. Yes, I’m being sarcastic.
My hair is what a lot of people have referred to as weird, frizzy, and nappy. I’ve also heard people refer to it with inflammatory racist language.
Believe me, I can relate. Your hair is gorgeous. After reading some of your posts, I can see that you are truly a classy person. You’ve been calm in the face of the most offensive behavior. Wow…you are simply amazing. I mean that.
I don’t know how you do it, because I would have put that heffa in her place. The nerve of her! Who walks up to a stranger and says something like that? It sounds like she was ignorant and uneducated. There’s no way she would have been allowed to be in my personal space with that nonsense. I would have excused myself and continued shopping.
The minute she opened her mouth and started making offensive comments, I would have been like, “This conversation is over. Bye-bye!”
Seriously. I don’t know whether some people are simply rude, stupid, or what. I’m sick of dealing with that type of ignorance. There is enough negativity in the world as it is.
I’ve spent my whole life hearing comments like that. People referring to my hair in the most disgusting, derogatory ways. And if you call them out, they accuse you of being too sensitive.
As Imani said, that girl clearly doesn’t realize that biracial and multiracial people all have diverse phenotypes. We come in different colors and have different hair types.
I’m always amazed at the things people feel so comfortable saying or the questions they ask black and biracial people. I’ve got “Super Black!” (makes me picture “Verb!” from Schoolhouse Rock in my head), so I’m often told I’m not mixed. I guess this white lady with my nose, my lips, my brown eyes and my big, Irish booty has been lying to me for almost 40 years. Good one, mom! Or I’ll point that out and ask, “Does that mean my mom isn’t white because she has dark brown, wavy hair and brown eyes?”
What’s even funnier is my aunt has “biracial” hair — pencil-sized smooth curls, and her half brother has wavy hair. Their parents were both black, but their dad was light. Genetics is a crapshoot. I could have had my mom’s wavy hair and my dad’s slender hips. My brother and I looked just alike as babies, except his hair was smoother, corkscrew curls. Adolesence turned me into a mini-me of our mom and he looks so much like our dad. Like any family, you don’t know what you’re going to get when you spin the wheel.
I guess the SBH is why I don’t get “petted,” ewwww! But people have always stared at me, as long as I can remember. The thing that drove my mom nuts was when black kids would tease me for “talking white.” It’s really unfortunate that people associate good grammar and a powerful vocabulary with whiteness, as if it’s not something they can achieve in THEIR native language!
I’m still tex-laxing, gotta give the all naturals props, I never had the patience with the single strand knots I get with an inch of new growth. But I do like to rock the texlaxed curls, even though people (at least 2 bosses) look at my hair in fear, like it’s some wild animal that’s going to leap onto them. When I wore a short natural for years, I was a lesbian or a radical…not someone who got tired of chemical burns, not being able to swim or walk in the rain or sweat without worrying about the consequences to my hair. Those 10 years as a natural were so important to building my confidence as a person – I wasn’t worried my hair was dirty or messy or that my style had fallen or frizzed in the humidity.
I’m so grateful and glad I did that! I wouldn’t be the same person today if I hadn’t.
I have a similar issue, my mom is black and my dad is biracial( his mom is black and his dad is puerto rican), my dad is very light skin and my mom is light skin with freckles and I am brown. Although it does happen a lot , but some people don not believe that my dad is my dad, they always assume he is my step dad and i don’t have one and never will.But the strange part about it is I have the same facial features as my dad. How should i deal with this , because now that i am getting older i feel like an outcast almost because people deny that my dad is my dad
i can’t help but feel like Liz was subjected to that woman-on-woman passive-aggressive hit job that is starting to be so common in female interactions. she sounds like she was already envious of Liz’s hair texture; finding out the person it was “stapled” to was also half white? oh, no: time to take you down a peg.
the whole thing is sad all the way around.
devil’s advocate here, (here me out i know this woman behaved appaulingly)
I’m a black Woman and she has probably like me, had people fawn over hair that was like the author of this post since she was an unintelligble baby, she has probably heard and wordlessly accepted notions eppoused by other people (i’m going to be glib here) usually men Fawn over Biracial women and their loose hair, she like many black women hear it almost daily for years and accept it, she unfortunatly never grew out of that thinking, but i think although she was rude maybe we could all do with remembering the society that places black women and their “bad” hair at the shit end of the stick.
I know this is predominantly a site for biracial folks and parents of biracial folks but this woman is emblematic of a cancer of black society worldwide. I’m sorry for her. I hate that she was so rude though.
just my two cents
Note from Julia: Hey, Louise. Thanks for your comment. I just wanted to let you know that this site is for folks of all colors, so your perspective is most welcome.
Hey, Louise…beautiful name! That was my grandmother’s name and I loved her dearly.
I see where you’re coming from. You made a very valid point. Society can be VERY unfair to Black women, especially those who are deemed less attractive by virtue of not being fair-skinned or biracial or having long flowing hair.
But according to what Liz is saying, this girl was pretty much telling her that she has “bad hair” despite being a person of mixed race. What was being implied here? That European or non-black blood is supposed to improve a person’s physical appearance, including hair texture? And that somehow Liz failed because she is mixed, but doesn’t have the stereotypical flowing curls?
No one has “bad hair”. It’s about time we stop thinking this way and judging people in terms of whose hair is “better” and who is prettier because they have lighter skin, etc. All of this is bullshit because whose ideals are we being judged (and judging others) by?
As I’ve said before, I’m biracial with very fair skin. My hair is what tells on me. I have long, thick, puffy, kinky, curly hair. I have been told by other Black people that my hair is “ugly” and “bad”. I’ve spent most of my life wishing that I had hair like White girls or like the other biracial girls I knew. I might be mixed but I still deal with racism.
I’ve spent years and thousands of dollars trying to straighten my hair to make it more “acceptable”, more “beautiful”, less African. I have also listened to Black men saying that other races of women have better hair. I’ve sat in the beauty salon with chemicals on my hair so I would be considered prettier, not inferior or dirty or unkempt…because this is how most people view my hair.
So, yes…I can relate to the problem of being a WOC living in a society that bases a woman’s beauty on hair texture, skin color, and other things. But now I’m starting to look at the ways that I’ve been complicit in my own oppression, essentially believing the lie that Caucasian hair is better than African hair.
I agree with you…society does place Black women and their (my) hair at the shit end of the stick. I pity that woman, too. She sounds ignorant. I wish the terms “good hair” and “bad hair” would disappear.
@Kmoney, I agree with you too. There were a lot of things that were both said AND unsaid in the interaction.
*disclaimer: All of this is my opinion. I’m sorry if I offended anyone, but this is a subject that really hits home with me.
@cinnamondiva
sorry i did not want to excuse her behaviour, it’s awful. She like myself lives in a society where she is seen by many as the lowest of the low. The idea that anyone whom she shares a trait with has a bad trait, is just horrible. To say that a bad trait is one that is almost exclusive to black people, is awful. It’s a grave insult to everyone, not just poc’s.
I think she is seriously disturbed, she just failed the doll test and nobody here is concerned for the mental state, if she were younger people would ring their hands. I know she is an adult, therefore supposed to have grown out of that mentality but she obviously hasn’t. But somehow this warrents no pity from anybody, that illustrates to me the very problem, we given black women far less leeway in terms of behaviour they are held (rightlyor wrongly) to a higher standard and told to accept the hard knocks because we are strong or better than that.
I just pity the kind of life that has left her with those thoughts. she is rude and the author is gorgeous. It just illustrates to me how denigrated black women are, and how poorly black women regards themselves and their looks.
Despite it all, i am the only person who could try and see it from the other side of the story, or feel anything for her.
No worries, Louise…it’s cool!
I understand what you’re saying. You’re completely on the money.
I feel bad for the woman too. You made some really good points. We live in a society that is still very racist.
WOC, especially Black women, have had plenty to deal with.
Biracial women of black/white ancestry are still considered “black” in America, no matter what they look like. You could be white as snow with blond hair and blue eyes, but if people are aware that you have a Black parent or ancestor, they will classify you that way. This is where racism comes into play. Believe me…as a biracial woman, I can totally understand it. We share similar struggles, even if it doesn’t seem that way.
It seems that the woman was projecting her feelings onto Liz. Sometimes there IS tension between mixed-race women and Black women based on skin color, hair texture, facial features, etc.
And you are correct…Black women have been denigrated for a VERY long time. They have been unappreciated and disrespected. From what I’ve seen, there are still many Black women with deep insecurities and shame about their unique beauty. So in that sense, I understand your sympathy for the woman who interrogated Liz so rudely. Obviously she has bought into the belief that there is “good” hair and “bad” hair. Maybe on some level she is jealous of mixed-race women because she believes that they have it better.
However, while I can see your side, I can also empathize with Liz. That woman certainly has her own hang-ups when it comes to racial issues and she made Liz feel crappy. Who tells another female, a stranger, that her hair is “bad”? That’s completely out of line. It’s just as wrong as the white folks that pet a Black woman’s hair and make comments about it being “stiff” or “weird”.
Her comments were disrespectful. I’ve experienced the same treatment from people of ALL colors. It hurts no matter who it comes from. I live in a city that is diverse, yet I am constantly subjected to people making openly racist comments about my appearance…including Black people. My hair is one of the first things that people attack when discussing the way I look. The second is my skin color and the third is my body shape. Besides relaxing my hair, there is very little I can do to change it. It is part of my biological make-up.
When somebody says that my hair is “bad”, you better BELIEVE that I’m offended. Why? Because they’re implying that there is something inherently wrong with me as a person and that I need to change who I am to make them more comfortable. This kind of seems to be what Liz is talking about in a way.
See, it’s like this…I don’t hold Black people to a higher standard than anyone else. But I do expect them to have some understanding of what it feels like to be discriminated against, and to not dish out the same treatment to others in the same position. By virtue of being non-white and female, we’re in the same boat. My skin is lighter but I’m still considered Black. You feel me?
I am biracial, but I also identify as a Black woman. Besides my hair and my hips, I don’t look like one…but that is what I am.
So I can definitely see both sides. I respect your position, but I can identify more with what Liz felt in this situation.
Peace
Okay lets’ forget about the hair for moment. I’m a white woman of 100% Italian heritage, I am a child of the 70′s and I was the only white kid with a pair of very full lips. I’ll leave it your own imagination of what names I was called.
Anyway, my sweet revenge has now come full circle because those same people who were making fun of me for my full lip are now paying thousands of dollars for lip implants. I just smile silently to myself.
I can honestly relate to this story. I get this type of crap all the time and of course nicknames like “FooFoo” because of my supposed “poodle-like” hair. It’s annoying to have people constantly want to pet or touch your head because it reminds them of a soft sheep skin of sorts. I mean REALLY!? Do I look like your pet pooch!? Lol!
But at any rate, curly is def becoming the new straight. I can honestly say that I now get more compliments with my doll-ish curls than I do with my straight hair. It makes me feel a lot better about how people are becoming more respectful towards the apparent “bad-grade” of hair…it’s all in the genes…we can’t help it…we didn’t choose to be the way we are…so all I have to say is have respect for one another…no need to be so judgemental, especially for people you’ve just met!
Sunshine…I appreciate what you’re saying, but many Black women have had full lips for centuries.
It seems like full lips are only viewed as attractive when they’re on a White woman. Never mind the fact that most Black women naturally have it like that.
My lips are rather thin but I don’t mind…they fit my features.
Anyway, both you and Chasity made some good points.
Its truly sad how people are so stupid now days about hair, I been natural since Feb 2010 and I had enbrace my roots, which shows who I am as a beautiful African queen. We should’nt be ashame about our hair or color reguardless what society thinks of it. My sister continue embracing your beauty and rock that hair however, its beautiful….
It’s funny, because I have hair similar to yours (my curls are a bit looser) except the funny thing is that both of my parents are black….of course, my mom isn’t 100% black….my great great GREAT granny was Indian. When I’m around my black friends, I get the “good hair” comments. When I’m around my white friends, I get asked why I never straighten it….I guess some people just can’t be pleased! Nonetheless, I am still rocking my locks [=
Sadly, it doesn’t matter whether the mother is white or black. My mother is white, my father is black and I still have the nappy, frizzy hair. So your mother being black has absolutely nothing to do with why you don’t have straighter, less nappy hair. Genetics are funny and there isn’t always an explanation.
I am mixed too with hair almost identical to yours, only difference is my mom is the white one and my dads black. I struggle with loving my natural hair the way you seem to and would keep it straight 24/7 if it wasn’t such a long time consuming process. What bothers me is that my two sisters have beautiful long “ideal” mixed hair.” Even my brother got the curly pretty texture, and I’m the black sheep. I also get the rude comments that I have nappy hair to be mixed, and when we go out as a family everyone is all over my sisters and they’re beautiful curly hair. I think it is society as well that makes me feel insecure about my hair and wishing I too had the “normal” mixed hair like my siblings.
This is old but,Im 12 and mixed,Medium brown 2 in makeup,Well black,White&Indian,I effed up my curls with a straightener,Oh well :[,Now when I wash it its uber puffy,Im into the “scene/emo”thing so i straighten it every day,My moms black and a bit indian,I never met my dad,I hear hes the whitest guy ever wish I could see 4 myself,I think hes dead
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I loved reading this. I am the mother of 2 biracial daughters (white/black) and they both have two completely different hair textures. one has light curls almost straight and a soft texture the other is extremley coarse, frizzy, and thick hair….we get all kinds of crazy looks and comments
Ok I have a daughter thats mixed blk and Mexican I’m blk her father is Mexican she looks all blk she’s a chocolate skin complexion with spongy curly hair and she has a red mole on her face well of course when ppl she us they think she looks like be because of skin complexion she she has her dads face features an bein that he is not around ppl think she’s all blk and when I take her to the doctor bein she has his last name solorzano ppl be like how is that her last name and she is blk I just look at them because ain’t nobody gone believe me because of her skin color and she don’t have thin hair that’s what most ppl look at is skin and hair not knowing its the genes so I don’t know my daughter gas a long hard way in life blk girls is gone talk because her her name Mexican girls isn’t gonna except her so
“You can always pick ‘em out from the bunch by the things that comes out of their mouth”. Who? you ask, the victims.
I really don’t believe the issue is about hair, as much as it is about a child who has been victimized by a trusted care giver or has been bullied by others who have been victims of induced perpetual self hatred themselves. When, a child of 4, is told that “you need to relax your hair straight” and they ask “why?” and the answer they get is “because it’s better”, to me is a form of psychological molestation. Because at that age the child hadn’t experienced enough to form her own opinion of beauty as well as being able to make an informed decision, consenting to a process that is going to burn her scalp. I also don’t believe it’s an issue of race, but more about what’s publicly trendy during the time of a child’s impressionable years and right now it’s weving in East Indian hair. It’s about who has enough dollars to buy up media time and ad space to push their version of what they feel beauty is and if you’re not conscious of that, you will fall victim
It’s a shame that the girl doesn’t even realize she possesses the most versatile hair on the planet, one that can be molded to any style without the use of hair spray.
Instead looking down on your hair, cheer up, you were born with built in hold.