Open Thread

11 Responses to Open Thread

1. Torey says:

   March 1, 2012 at 3:02 pm

   I am wondering what phrases people are using to defuse the majority culture’s isms. For instance, if your child hears someone use the “N” word, or hears someone say, “She’s fat and ugly, ” do you have ways to respond that work well?

   So far, we are using two things with my 3.5-year-old.

   1) “Oh, that’s a silly idea. That’s how people used to think, but now we know better. Some people still think that xxx people are better than xx people, but they are very, very mistaken, and those beliefs hurt people. When I hear comments like that, it’s my job to help people learn to treat others with respect, and you can help if you want.”

   2) “That person made a poor choice. We don’t use that word. We know that that is a hurtful word that we don’t say, because it’s our job in this world to be kind.”

   your techniques?
2. Anonymous says:

   March 2, 2012 at 1:48 am

   Watch “Family Affair” on OWN network. It is a documentary that discusses how childhood sexual abuse impacts families and children. It discusses race and power in the case of an interracial family. It is very rare that blogs that focus on families and children discuss childhood sexual abuse, how to prevent it and how to protect our children, and even what to do if you discover your child has been sexually abused by a parent or relative.

   Watch it without your children, so you can be better prepared to protect your children.

   No one wants to believe someone they trust would do that to their child. As a parent of a child who survived this, I urge you to watch this painfully brilliant documentary.

   It re-airs on the OWN Network on Saturday at 10 am EST, and check your cable network listings. Thank you for listening.
3. Julia says:

   March 2, 2012 at 10:35 am

   Torey,
   What a great question! I am so looking forward to hearing what others have to say! Thanks for raising.
4. Julia says:

   March 2, 2012 at 10:37 am

   Thanks for this, Anonymous. I hadn’t heard of it, and it sounds like a great resource. It’s so hard to remember–but so important to do so–that the “stranger” we warn our children about aren’t usually the actual danger.
5. Gabrielle Prendergast says:

   March 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

   I remember watching “Hairspray” with my then four year old daughter and her then eight year old cousin. I had no idea what the movie was about, thinking it was just a silly musical, like High School Musical. when it got to the part where Corny Collins sings “…and once a month we have Negro Day!”, I gasped and literally slapped my hands over my mouth. Later as the plot became more evident, I paused it and explained that in those days dark skinned people and light skinned people were not allowed to dance together. My daughter just kind of ignored me (too young maybe) but my niece was OUTRAGED. “That’s RIDICULOUS!” she cried. “I have lots of friends with brown skin and I dance with them whenever I want to!” Then we started the movie again. We watch it a lot; it’s a family favorite. Often while we’re watching now my daughter (now 7) will repeat some of the messages about integration or ask me again, how things used to be. I love that there are bigger girls and women in it too. It’s just an all around nice positive film, without being sugar coated.
6. Gabrielle Prendergast says:

   March 2, 2012 at 4:55 pm

   Also, on an unrelated note, have you heard of the POC reading challenge?

   http://pocreading.blogspot.com/2012/01/2012-poc-reading-challenge.html

   I signed up for at least one book per month. I’m not going to review them all but I tweet everything I read so…yeah, whatever. Join up!
7. RCHOUDH says:

   March 2, 2012 at 11:12 pm

   Hi Torey,
   Usually I try to tell my kids about how terrible saying these things are and that we should always treat others the way we would want to be treated, that is with kindness and respect. I also try to help my children learn how to reason with others, particularly those saying these hurtful things. If my kids are friends with kids saying these things, I try to teach them to explain to their friends why saying these things are wrong. If those kids don’t change I tell my children to not become too friendly with them, or at least to stay away from them if and when they engage in racist, sexist, classist, etc. banter. If my kids overhear adults saying these things I tell them to report it to me right away so I may speak to these adults (whether they’re family members, their friends’ parents, from school, etc). My kids are older now but I still try to instill these values into them so they don’t become complacent in the face of bigotry.
   Thank you anonymous for information about the program on child sexual abuse. I wish I had cable to watch it.
8. Lyonside says:

   March 3, 2012 at 7:04 am

   Torey: those are both good. With my just-turned-5 year old, I try to make sure she’s getting positive messages before she hears the slurs. Both her parents are overweight, but we talk about how we have to be more active, and we’re making plans for warmer weather. She’s a tall, big kid, not skinny but not significantly overweight, and I monitor interactions with friends and make sure she’s not being teased or teasing others. Being proactive is working for us, but she changes schools in the fall, and I’m sure some of this is going to come to the fore. I’m not looking forward to the teasing she’s going to get or going to witness, and I’m trying to make sure now that she knows how to be a good friend and how to outreach to others and not join in.
9. s. says:

   March 3, 2012 at 8:24 am

   @Torey, I think your techniques sound good, but it might also be useful to explain why words like that are wrong, ideas like that are old-fashioned, etc. For example, when someone says, “Oh, she’s fat and ugly” you could try telling your child, “Other people’s appearances are not our business and people can be nice and good people no matter what they look like. We don’t say that to other people because it’s cruel, and we don’t judge people by their appearances because all of us are worthy no matter how we look.”

   Or something? I don’t know, I always find it tough to script these kinds of talks!
10. Alex says:

    March 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Geez, why did Disney have to put Princess Tiana’s image with a pack of watermelon flavored candy?

    http://theweek.com/article/index/225221/disneys-black-princess-selling-watermelon-candy-racist

    The more things change, the more they remain the same.
11. Julia says:

    March 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I know, I saw that. unbelievable. and then the white princess is “vanilla.”